I’ve been having issues with naming my posts the same thing as posts I named before, so the url is the same. So I am going to try adding numbers in the urls so that it’s a bit more NEW. I don’t know, hopefully that solves the issue. I don’t remember all the names of my posts because I’ve made so many and written here for 20 years. 20 years of total gibberish ha ha ha.

I’m writing this from Troy New York USA. I had no issues going through the border with my new passport. It was so smooth. No questions about my name or gender or anything and I think she even called me Sir. They didn’t give me a stamp, I guess they stopped doing that since things are electronic now. But I’m on the other side of the border and things are ok. I also got enough artist fees before I left to not have to worry for a while. So that is a relief, I can pay my rent in June and also dug myself a bit out of my debts. Not totally out of debt, I need a lot more money for that, but at least I am not a Visa card delinquent anymore. Still owe money on my Visa though, and a delinquent with taxes. But it’s improving!

It’s amazing what money can do for your mental health, like really as soon as I got it and was able to pay some people back and pay my bills this huge weight was lifted. And getting food was amazing, being food insecure is such a stressor and makes things feel SO DIRE. I know I did have SOME food, but it wasn’t enough, especially not for my body on testosterone. I was so relieved and so aware of being relieved that I even sent some money to a friend who’s also been struggling because I wanted her to eat something decent too. And that felt nice to do too.

I also finally managed to buy a new Skull Shaver because it broke at the worst time when I was totally broke and I couldn’t afford to get a new one. So I should have it when I get home. My hair is growing out and the top of my head is thinning so it looks awkward. But I’ll be okay!

Todd and Posey are at their sitters. I got a complaint about their barking, so I have to work on it when I bring them back home. Little jerks. They do bark a lot, but the complaint came a day before they went to the sitters so I was really strict with them (I mean not hitting them or anything but telling them to be quiet) and they WERE quieter and I think everyone including me was relieved. I don’t know, I felt really embarrassed before about yelling at them to be quiet, but they do need to be quiet so I guess it’s fine. It’s not like I’m stomping around calling them assholes.

I didn’t really expect how HARD it would be to raise a puppy again. Posey was such a sweet dog as a puppy, or maybe it’s just hindsight. I know she only peed on the bed one time and it was her first night home, and she wasn’t so bitey. But Todd peed on the bed so many times, and he is STILL kind of chompy. Hopefully the dog sitter can work on it with him. He is marginally improving but he’s not as quick to improve as Posey is. And now both of them have issues with strangers so I need to work on that. I think Todd is still more open to making friends though. But it’s hard, puppies are hard. I finally started following a puppy subreddit and there was a post about puppy blues and I realized this is a common problem.

It also didn’t help that some emotionally difficult situations outside of Todd were going on when I first got him. So it was stressful all around, and hard, and then I was also trying to raise this puppy who was sweet but also, you know, just learning good (and bad) behaviours. And that was hard, we did do puppy start right classes but I don’t think that was enough socialization for him. It’s a headache. He’s really sweet though, a gentle funny boy. And I want to do right by him and socialize him but I’m also just not a very social person really, not since the pandemic for sure.

Anyway I should go! Gotta get ready to go to EMPAC. I have a busy day ahead of me. Tonight is a screening and artist talk, and tomorrow is a workshop at The Sanctuary. So I’m busy! I had a shower and put clothes on and had coffee and did this blog, so I’m up to speed to start the day.

ALSO I finally made up with someone I was missing for a long time. Not an ex lover though, but a relative/friend who I had been very close to for a long time. So I hope we can be close again because I missed her.