R and F: AWOL.

Okay, here’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. But first! Oh yay!! There is a brand new feature on Fit of Pique: The Comments. Yeppers, you too can now join in the insanity that is this little blog. Simply click on comment and go from there. Debate, engage, whatever, all I say is that around here there is only one Queen and I am she, harrassing or threatening comments will be summarily executed by the delete function only I have control of!! Okay, I was probably too gleeful about that little warning, but you know, I’m a mental patient, I only have power over a very tiny portion of the universe. Unless I’m manic, in which case I’m god and you’d better watch your back!

You may be wondering why I haven’t written much lately. Well, there’s a funny little story about that. The other day I was awfully excitable and accidentally knocked over a bottle of water right onto my keyboard. OMG! My keyboard is wet. So I go through all the keys and find that three crucial keys have gone awol; the R, the F, and Delete.

Ucking hell, or as Joni Mitchell says, you don’t know what you got til it’s gone.

Vey little can be witten without the R and F keys. Some wittes base thei wok aound the pemise o omitting cetain lettes o numbes om thei novels. Howeve I am not one o those wittes, and it O Pique is not one o those blogs.

So why are the R’s and F’s showing up now? Quite simply the fear of God, they knew I would banish them from the english language if they did not obey orders and return. See, I even control the very letters your language is based on, I’m that good. Seriously, I don’t know what happened. I prayed that my keyboard would heal thyself, and apparently it did, although now the shift key on the right hand side is ucked.

I am grateful to my little* letters R and F, who are in some of my favorite words, like ‘favorite’ and ‘fruitful’ and ‘fuckers’. But I think the key I love the most is the delete key, and I am most appreciative for it returning. For me, my two best friends are Delete and Edit Undo. Edit Undo is practically a mantra, I feel so calm when I say it outloud. Edit Undo. Edit Undo. Edit Undo.

There are some loftier than thou people out there who would tell me that Delete and Edit Undo are terrible things to base a sense of serenity on. They would say that you should live your life free of regrets. But you know what I am thinking more and more? I think that you haven’t lived if you don’t have at least one soft little regret that sticks in your heart and makes you wistful.

I’m sure I have a ton of regrets, mostly involving romantic liasons, but other ones as well. I’ll tell you three of my big regrets and you can post yours if you want to try out the sexy new Comments function.

1. Not taking the Valproic Acid the first time it was prescribed.

2. Not going into the Catacombs in Paris.

3. Not staying for Pride in San Francisco.

* I had a couple girlfriends who were always annoyed with me calling them little. They were kinda little, but mostly I meant it as a term of endearment. Anything I like I call little, maybe because I connect with the underdog.