The Continuing Saga of Me and Epson

Come to think of it, ALL of my printers have been Epson, and ALL of them have sucked major ass. You’d think by now I would have switched to Canon or Hewlett Packard. It’s kind of like my continuing fondness for a certain volatile ex girlfriend.

Anyway, right now my printer is laying in pieces on the floor in the office, much like the result of the Scarecrow meeting those flying monkeys. I can hear it now “And then she took my scanner and threw it over THERE! And then she took my power board and threw it OVER THERE!” Right now I am stuck, because I need a long screwdriver to get at two teeny screws standing between me and the printer mechanism. I got so angry last night I tried to just rip the damn cover off. It didn’t work, which is maybe a good thing. After that I have to locate a tube and flush it out using a mixture of rubbing alcohol and a copper wire. Luckily I have rubbing alcohol from a failed attempt to make oil out of dirty pipes.

Apparently I’m going to have to do this EVERYTIME I change the ink cartridges. For the amount of labour and the high cost of ink, I could just get another printer.

I amused myself today by imagining myself dick slapping an ex and best friend with a banana and making her eat it. Maybe I should dick slap Eminem. I bet he’d get a kick out of it. I’ve heard rumours he’s a little light in the gangsta wear. I’d feel a lot better about this politically incorrect crush on him if he was a cocksucker. Lesbians and Gayboys have a long history of secretly gettin’ it on.

My little weiner dog did the RUDEST thing to me this morning. I was roused out of sleep by the feeling of something cold and wet pressing against my butt crack. I kept moving away and thinking “What the hell is that?” and then I realized he was sticking his nose in my butt. Aaaah! Bad doggy, no butt for you. I’m not into that weird shit. Then I couldn’t get back to sleep so I started wiggling my toes around like I sometimes do, when Schrodinger decided to pounce on my bare feet and rip the shit out of them. So I got out of bed, early. Maybe if they keep ganging up on me in the morning I will have reasonable waking hours. I’ve also noticed my dog likes catnip. Pourquoi? He totally pushes Schrodinger out of the way and snorfs it down. I thought it would be funny to cover him in catnip and see what happens but he wanted no part of it.

The dog and cat have figured out how to take up half the bed, I don’t know how they manage it but I always wake up squinched over to the side while they’re happily sprawled out.

And I keep having weird nightmares. I had a dream a female moose got up on two legs and started chasing me and the only way I could get her to stop was to pretend a stuffed animal was humping me. Last night I had a fucked up dream too.

On September 10th my grandparents came over and I heard the most classic thing from my Grampa. He said “I’m tired of 7/11!”

Okay, for hot gender parity in this blog, I also submit another picture of a hottie.

I know the caption says Stuff For Men, but from what I hear Jorja’s stuff is strictly ladies only. Woot!