The Family Adjusts

I got a call just an hour ago from my doctor’s office telling me I can’t drive anymore. I was expecting this, but totally not expecting how my mom would act about it. She kept being confused why I couldn’t drive. Arrg! Because if I have an absence seizure I’ll crash! She really didn’t get it. Just a couple nights ago I was mentioning to my family that if I do have epilepsy I probably won’t be able to drive anymore and they were so bizarre about it. First they didn’t know why I couldn’t drive, and then they started saying I didn’t have epilepsy. I guess because I don’t have tonic-clonic seizures USUALLY, and that’s usually what everyone thinks of as seizures. Really though, seizures are multifaceted and completely different depending on which area of your brain they’re affecting.

Last week I experimented with smoking pot more often throughout the day and my seizures went down 75%, maybe even more. I was also way more focused, confusion wasn’t there so much. Mom kept coming around tut tuting about me being a drug addict. But I wasn’t smoking it to get high, I wasn’t really doing enough to get high. It was still working really well. The more I read the more I realize so many weird things in my life have been seizures.

I almost think my family is going to have a harder time adjusting to me being epileptic than being bipolar. I’m not sure why this diagnosis seems worse. At least more is known about epilepsy, whereas bipolar disorder is kind of vague and mysterious still. I don’t know, I feel hopeful about this. Like, maybe knowing what I have is going to improve my quality of life. Whatever it is I just want to know that I’m living to the fullest that current medical science can give me. Being off Zyprexa has turned my life 180. I’m really amazed at the change in getting off of that drug.

I’ve only ever been seriously manic once and it was a drug induced mania. I mostly have depression issues, and those are supposed to be pretty common with epileptics.

Anyway, life’s okay I guess. I have clean teeth, I don’t smoke anymore, my dog’s a smarty smarty smart pants except that he ate an eraser today and puked and then I had to rub his back until he felt better, uh, someone gave me pictures of Marcia Cross’s boobs. I’m constantly amazed at femmes, especially high femmes. They’re so much tougher than I am. I don’t know where people get the idea butches are all rough and tough, I’m such a marshmallow. It’s sexism. Butches and Femmes shouldn’t have to follow prescribed gender roles, how boring is that!!!

I need to buy another bar of candy soap because finally people will be able to smell it on me.

I disapprove of the current Nicole Kidman nose. Lucky for her my opinion of her nose doesn’t matter.

Oh yeah, and that little dog of mine started going through my pockets while I was taking a nap and was running away with money again!!! What the hell?