Hello from my mom’s iPad on The Grand hotel’s wireless here in Kelowna! This is my first time blogging on the iPad, so there are bound to be hilarious spelling mistakes. I have a pretty swank room here, with a king sized bed that dwarfs me and a tv and it’s a corner suite so I have TWO big windows. I am killing time before I present my work at an International Women’s Day event where I am told there will be mega amounts of bannock.

I am glad I get this over with before six when I take to drinking. Lol. But seriously, it is better to present earlier when you are someone who gets public speaking nerves. I can do public speaking, I am pretty used to it, but I still get nervous before hand. When I am actually talking I usually forget about my nerves and just start thinking about my work and why and what and how and all that good blah blah. I have some good facts about myself I pull out, like that I made my first video when I was sixteen and that I made most of my early work with just me and a camcorder. I wish I had Untouchable to show, but I don’t.

For some reason I packed my articles of incorporation with all the rest of my stuff. I also paked my vaporizer and toiletries and a pair of flavors so I wouldn’t walk around in incriminating snow boots. By flavors I mean Fluvogs of course. Silly iPad.

A warning to Canadians who smoke: if you don’t have time to stop at the Rez for 8 dollar smokes, be prepared to shell out seventeen dollars at the airport! I have a pretty pricey pack of DuMauriers which I have been smoking so sparingly. Airports shouldn’t be allowed to gouge so much money out of people, I have noticed everywhere I go that airports Jack up prices on everything, not just smokes. Why do people think travelers are full of money?

I also learned you can’t buy a beer on Westjet unless you have a major credit card, because they have gone to a cashless cabin. And you can’t check into a hotel anymore without having a credit card, even if someone else is paying for it. Clearly this little homo needs a credit card. but I have been resisting because I can tell based on my manic spending habits that I would get into trouble. It is one thing to spend all my rent money on Buddha statues, it is another to rack up 6000 dollars worth of debt by buying something ridiculous or a series of ridiculous things.

I didn’t make any spectacular airport friends. In fact I think I was completely silent for my entire trip. Oh, except for saying “coffee with cream and sugar” and “thank you.”. It is not entirely out of the ordinary for me to go ages without saying something. That being said, I also blab to myself all the time while I am alone, about all kinds of things.

My mom is supposed to call me back, but somehow I don’t think she is going to. I have been doing typing work for her and she says she is going to pay me, but AT THE END OF THE MONTH. And I am supposed to be paid for this gig but it will get mailed to me whenever. Sooooo, well I hope I get some money for dirty bingo because I really need a new vibrator.

The Sexual Heath Centre in Saskatoon sells vibrators AT COST starting at five bucks! But I have been hearing good things about the Lelo vibrators. Which run at about 150 bucks. I wonder how much those crazy steam powered vibes cost doctors in the good old days of finding efficient ways to masturbate hysterical patients. I saw those old timey ones at Good Vibrations in San Francisco.

You know, after doing this for a while I can say that typing on the iPad isn’t nearly as annoying as I thought it would be. Maybe because I am sitting at a desk.

TWO HOURS before I depart for Alternator and get myself all set up. I am kind of craving a peanut buster parfait. I should go get a sandwich or something.