I can see why so many people kill themselves this time of year. UGH! It is majorly stressful. And it is like this every year. I want to celebrate Christmas away from the larger family. There are too many of them and they get in my space. My Uncle, Auntie, and two cousins are spending Christmas in Jamaica. I think they have the right idea.

The problem is I just don’t know why we do Christmas. It’s supposed to be a big family thing but it’s just all messed up and so much has to be done. And I don’t like doing the work of entertaining large groups of people and being subjected to family judgement. Blah! Fuck that! I am so sick of Christmas. 33 of them is quite enough.

And there are too many invitations to things, and I am not going to be able to see every one, and I am already pretty much booked up for social events until the 27th. I am also stressed out by the sheer cost of Christmas. It worries me. I am going to be glad when my Christmas is just me and two other people or something like that. All day. No hordes. No family drama. No people bitching at me like I am bitching to you about how stressful it is.

I still haven’t smoked! 😀 I am feeling good about that. I love not smoking! I had a dream I had cigarettes last night. I didn’t smoke them, but I looked at them and longed for them. It was a weird dream. BUT I refused to let myself smoke them, even though I was totally subject to the whims of my subconscious. It’s been 2 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours and 3 mins since I quit smoking. 😀

I have hated Christmas for a long time. Not the actual holiday, just all the expectations that surround it.

And this Christmas we are doing renovations. It’s really rough. So much going on in our house.

And Sky will be home, which is always a lot of work because she is special needs. I just don’t understand why the family expects mom to do so much work to entertain them at Christmas when she also has to look after Sky.

It’s always been like that too. They’re going to stress her and me out so much we have heart attacks. In fact I should just rent defibrillators every Christmas from now on.

Aaaaaaaah! I want to run away!

I will find some Christmas cheer after another beer. I am just going to drink myself through the holidays. Like regular folk do when they are stressed out.