I’m a lil stuck on my writing I need to do. I was so busy this past while, getting two videos done. Then the majority of this week was devoted to rewriting. But I’m stuck. I read some notes again, did a little more research, but there’s something holding me back from really going all out on the ending. It needs to be way more complicated and difficult and involve struggling much harder.

But instead I spent a while on Twitter reading about the appropriation prize some white journalists were fundraising for. It was very frustrating. Some ended up apologizing for it (it happened last night on twitter in prime time drunken hours) but it still shows what they think of Indigenous people. ESPECIALLY since they were all associated with most of the major media publications in Canada, including Macleans, CBC, The Globe and Mail, The National Post, The Walrus, and a bunch of others.

Depressing.

But something interesting came out of that. I read a response to the whole appropriation article from Joshua Whitehead entitled Notes on Indiginegativity: An Addendum which uses the word “Indigiqueer.” Which is super interesting because in 2004 I made that word up to title the Vancouver Queer Film Festival’s Indigenous/two-spirit program I had programmed. Except I spelled it “Indigequeer” (because Indigenous has an E after the G). But still I was like “OMFG did I finally coin a word?” I did a little google search and saw a prof in Calgary using the term “Indigiqueer Survivance” for a class. Oh my god did I finally do it? Did I make a word!? I think I used it because some LGBTQ Indigenous people don’t feel as comfortable with the two-spirit title because it implies some dual gender stuff, which some people just don’t feel describes their identity. I know a lot of people don’t ID with the Queer label either. But I liked the idea of Indigequeer. Because Queer is kind of a confrontational label, it’s one of those old reclamations that makes people uncomfortable. Indigenous isn’t a really confrontational label (although everything else about it is because we are all still all over the globe resisting) so putting the two together makes this word I really liked. I’m really fine with it being spelled with an i instead of an e. But since it’s out in the world it’s not really my word anymore. And to have it used in academia is fascinating to me. I have a masters, technically I’m an academic. But I never really felt like I was up on the academic lingo, sometimes reading academic stuff gives me a headache. But having a word I made up being used and talked about and maybe defined (although it’s a very self explanatory word) is so interesting to me.

So that was an amazing thing to find out. I think it’s still a very fledgling word. I’ve also noticed it is used as a hashtag a lot too.

Ha ha so I found out I coined a word 13 years ago, and today I am stuck on my important writing of my script outline I need to do. But I made a word 13 years ago! That should be all the writing I ever have to do! Ha ha just kidding. I think the enormity of making work about this story I am working on is weighing on me. I need to approach it a little differently. It’s fiction. It’s total fiction with some very true things referenced. I feel a responsibility to my community. But I also need to be able to feel open with writing about my community without needing to please EVERYONE. I feel the weight of positive representations, but life isn’t all positive. People are complex creatures and hurt each other and the couple in my story doesn’t have the greatest relationship. And anger can get out of control sometimes and consume you. And I think I better end this blog while I’m in a writing mood and go make some more notes to myself.