It’s Saturday night. I have started going to boxing classes. My second class is tomorrow at noon. I kind of strained my abs last Sunday, we have to do these intense ab work outs where you do sit ups with your ankles locked with someone and then practice jabs, hooks, uppercuts. OMG I realized I only use my abs to get out of bed. And the reason I know that is because my abs still are sore but I only feel the soreness when I am getting out of bed.

Anyway, it’s a nice workout after that. Like the jump rope stuff is a bit much for me, and the sit ups are fucking intense. But punching different things is pretty fun. I’ve never really done anything where I had to punch as hard as I could. It’s a really unused skill I have. Like, actually it’s not a skill of mine at all yet. BUT it will be! Last week Savoy showed me how to throw a punch, and it was really interesting and also feels pretty good. I’m doing recreational boxing, so there won’t be actual times when I am hitting someone in the head. Or getting hit. BUT I COULD! Savoy asked me if I had ever been in a bar fight. Nope. Not even the time I got beat up did I fight back. Like I was just such a pacifist. I think that has really changed over the years. I haven’t hit someone or anything, but I think in a dangerous situation I would probably go apeshit now. But yeah, I really just want to punch bags and things. And build some muscle mass.

I haven’t really been inspired to get involved in any fitness routines in a long time. Like I always worry about coming across as what one of my friends called “a fat hating fatty.” Like I am fat, it is what it is. I’ve talked about it here before. But I don’t want to talk about boxing while slamming being fat, cause that goes against my values. Like my body is just gonna be whatever it is in the end. But there are totally fit fat people out there. Like people might not believe that, but there are very athletic chubsters. Which is kind of cool because it throws people’s fat myths into the garbage.

Anyway yeah that’s tomorrow. Work has been going ok! I am doing alright I think, still in probationary period until the beginning of March and I have to learn how to do something different and new successfully to keep my job. But we’ll see. It would be nice to keep working. I’m waiting to hear about a large grant too. We’ll see.

I have a date next weekend! It’s like, oh man I shouldn’t make them feel weird by talking about it. But it’s like a low key just see how it goes hang out. I was kind of surprised to be approached. I’ve usually been in the position of chasing people, and to be honest that position is really demoralizing. Especially since nothing has really worked out in so long. I really shouldn’t talk about it much more tho cause I don’t want to make anyone I date or am interested in feel like I’m gonna put all their stuff on my blog. That would be shitty. It’s just been a really long time since anyone told me they liked me in that kind of way, like I actually can’t remember the last time. And who knows what the future will bring.

I haven’t knit all week but I think I’m gonna try and put an hour into it tonight so that I can be okay with my gibbled up hands tomorrow after boxing. I mean they are fine, but also they do get a little sore and stiff.

I’m hemorrhaging money right now. I have to pay up front for my eye exam on Wednesday and get reimbursed, I need to pay for my ASL class later that day, I’m digitizing videos too, and ALSO today Paypal told me my Adobe creative cloud fee comes out any moment. AND to make things worse, Little Mister is having bloody poops off and on. Like he did some last week, then was fine, then this morning had some again. So he needs to see the vet really really soon. He’s walking around like he is fine though! BUT he’s old and rickety. And he’s a sweetheart and I don’t want him to be sickly.

I guess life is pretty good. My friend I was so sad about two weeks ago is working to mend things with me, and offered a heartfelt apology, and we’re just gonna see how it goes but also maintain some more space between us. It’s hard. Interpersonal things are hard. And I do love her and when I think about the time we have known each other it’s kind of amazing we’ve only had one major incident like this.

But yah! Not gonna talk about that for a while, because I feel protective of our friendship right now especially because it’s hard.

There’s some film career stuff going on too, but right now it’s in the background waiting for funding to come through. So really I am doing not really anything in that regard at the moment, which is nice. But I hopefully am gonna be writing again soon.

I’ve been reading my tarot cards a lot lately. A new deck is coming to me in a month, the Numinous Tarot which is sort of a non-binary inclusive deck. I’m excited to see it! I backed it in a kickstarter a long time ago. Ha ha and of course the money came out at a terrible time recently, dammit, all this money! GONE!