A few things have happened recently.

Probably the most recent thing that happened was yesterday I lost my job. I was a month away from my probation period being up, and they didn’t think I was raising enough donations of the right type, something about my “stats” not being where they wanted them to be. They were very nice, my union rep didn’t feel it was fair. I had a mix of emotions. On one hand I felt like anyone getting fired feels kinda shitty about it. On the other hand, I got my major grant last week and so I was thinking seriously about whether I actually had time to do all the projects I am doing this year, AND this job. So I had wondered if I was gonna have to quit or take a leave of absence. So overall, I feel like the universe just wants me on a different path. I really like being a full time artist, I think it makes me happiest even when it’s super stressful and busy. I’m just suited to that kind of lifestyle and career. And things are picking up again this year, so I know I gotta go back to focusing on it.

And I also really like being domestic. After they sent me home I started a sourdough starter. And knitted. And puttered around. Today I am making a stew in my crockpot. Like I just like keeping my house clean and cooking now. I was joking with a friend about how I was my own housewife. Or just a mature effin’ adult. I think my ideal life would just be to be a full time artist and have time to keep my house the way I like it. And that is also a lifestyle that works really well with my disability. If I can make the money thing work out, it’s fine. And this year I am lucky and the money thing is gonna work out. I also got some other source of arty money which I can’t really talk about just yet. BUT rest assured things are going well for me.

Anyway, yes, so I got my major grant, $35,000 for a short dramatic period video set in the 1940’s on a reserve. It’s not based on anything real. But I worked hard on the script and I think it’s a good story and it’s challenging and super fucking dark. And doing a dramatic short is a good move if I want to direct this dramatic feature I have been writing. I need to demonstrate that I can do a good job, and a lot of my more recent work has been these weirdo comedic experimental narratives. So yeah, I need to show what I can do in a different genre. Hopefully people don’t laugh! Ha ha shit, sometimes people see my dramatic stuff and just start snickering and I’m like nooo iz serious no laugh~! Ha ha maybe the moody music will help.

So that’s exciting! I already have a probable location that a friend donated, so it seems really like it is coming together. I’m gonna have to do some research the next few months into clothing, music, laws, and household objects of that era. For instance, it’s set in the 1940’s, and there’s a scene of a dance at a band hall, and part of me wants it to be a powwow, but I actually don’t know if that was allowed at the time, and I might need to have some other kind of band, and then I have to figure out what was popular music on reserves at the time, etc etc. So yeah, it’s gonna be a while of researching, and looking up objects, and then seeing if I can make props and do the sets properly, etc. I had to revise the budget because I got $5000 shaved off of it. I ended up chopping my contingency fund, which might be a bad move. But I’m just gonna see if they accept the revised budget and release the funds, if not I’ll rewrite the budget again. MOSTLY I managed to keep all of my earmarked funds for the rest of my budget. Oh yeah and then I need to do casting. It’s a bunch of work even before I go and do the five day shoot.

I guess I’m lucky I know how to do so many things. I’m gonna hire a camera person tho. And a sound person. A bunch of people really. But most of the editing can be done by me, except I’m gonna need help with special effects. I have a friend who works for a VFX place tho so I’m gonna ask her for advice. So yeah, it looks like it’s gonna be a fun exciting year.

I’m glad I got these results last week, so I could get fired yesterday and not feel awful and anxious and hopeless!

Knitting is going well! I’m knitting this beautiful scarf for a future girlfriend made out of this hand dyed merino wool from these special sheep in Peru. It’s soft and warm and crazy long. Still not quite long enough. ALMOST! I am on the fourth ball of yarn, and each ball is $25 bucks. Not even counting labour it’s at least a $100 scarf ha ha. So it better be for a really good girlfriend! I am liking manifesting people in my life by knitting things for them though. I think when I’m ready for kids I’ll have to knit like, little sweaters or something. Mittens. On a string. To summon them into my life!

Yeah I’m doing okay. My friend I had the fight/incident/sadness with checked in on me yesterday. We had a nice brief text conversation. I still love and miss her, but I know we needed to take a break. We are supposed to talk at the end of this month. Hopefully that goes well, I’m trying to remember certain things in my life can’t be talked about with her. Which is hard, but yeah.

What else??? There’s other stuff I can’t talk about, not bad stuff or anything, just Yet To Be Revealed things. I’m really confused about a particular situation in my life involving a few people. Whenever I ask my tarot about it, the action it tells me to take is The Hanged Man which from my interpretation seems to be about waiting and surrendering. So yeah, I’m just trying to see if things sort themselves out. The trouble is I already know which way I would like things to go, and I am feeling they are not going to go that way, not for a while anyway. And there might be some twists and turns still, who knows.

The dogs are fine. I saw the dentist yesterday and she put this desensitizer on my tooth and says I have a slightly high bite that she can adjust. She’s different than the last dentist I saw who fucked my tooth up. The hygienist said that dentist doesn’t work there anymore. I almost cried with relief because he was so awful and did a filling of mine without freezing when I was trying to get my tooth fixed after he fucked up three times. Anyway, yeah. So I am gonna eat a corn chip today on that side and see if I need to go in for a bite adjustment. I think I probably will need to. But maybe not? Who knows. Either way I am hoping I can finally eat on both sides of my mouth again.