I’m about a week away from my Fertility Clinic appointment. I need to read my email from the office again and remember all the things I need to bring and do, like have a full bladder, etc. I’m nervous, I really want it to go well. I want to find out I have a good chance of getting some eggs. I want it to not cost a horribly huge amount of money. Ahhh geez. Assisted reproduction is so pricey. Some of it is funded. But also the Ontario Government is getting ruthless with cuts and already took away school repair money. So it’s a bit like, wanting to not be noticed by the evil in charge ha ha aww.

Anyway, I got my script done, at least this draft. I need to do another draft by the end of summer. My hand is shaking right now I don’t know what that’s about. Stress? Ha ha beats me.

I recently talked with someone from a university I applied to five years ago that I got waitlisted for and ultimately didn’t get into. He seems really disappointed that they missed having me in their school. There was a moment when it seemed like there was no record of my application, but they found it this morning. But it did make me briefly wonder if they had lost my application altogether. They didn’t.

But there was this few hours yesterday when I was thinking about what would have happened if I got into that program and that school. I would have been in Toronto a year earlier. I wouldn’t have Posey, which would be sad. I would have met different people sooner. I dunno, it sent me in a bit of a spiral of imagining an alternate timeline and all the things that would have been different. It made me think a lot about Destiny and outside forces and the forks in the road that we all come to.

I remember that university told me to reapply if I didn’t get off the waitlist. And I didn’t, I didn’t reapply or get off the waitlist. I was just so fed up with them, they didn’t tell me my decision until I called, like it wasn’t on the website or in a letter. I felt it reflected badly on the university that they were so cavalier with my application that I had to call to find out anything way past the time people were getting decision letters. So yeah I applied to Ryerson the next year and got in and that’s basically that. I don’t want to go back and get another masters degree. Or a PhD. And I think things worked out ultimately in my favour in other ways.

It reminds me of my near death experiences. I have almost died a few times, like brushes with death, not like being hospitalized. Like being mysteriously saved before potential fatal injuries. Like nearly getting hit by cars, or falling from a height, or things like that. Just these events that leave my heart pounding and I get weak after and am like “Wow that was close.” But I didn’t die. And I’ve sometimes wondered if it keeps happening for a reason, that I don’t die or get physically disabled. I don’t know, that probably sounds shitty because it makes it sound like people who DO die, die for a reason. But yeah, Destiny is something I have been thinking a lot about lately.

Anyway, I got a blender today with Crushing Technology! I think I got it because it had Crushing on the box and I’m trying to use it to make crushed chokecherries. A noble purpose! I guess I oughta fry up some bannock with that too.

BUT Before all of that, I am going to boxing tonight. I am also getting an Industrial piercing fixed this Friday! SO EXCITED! I’m gonna look cute!

Anyway, guess I should get ready for boxing. Who knows what destiny has in store for me???