So, I had my fertility clinic appointment a couple of days ago! It was intense! Ultrasound, they asked when my last period was and then I had to explain my situation (no periods), then the doctor met with me and got a medical and family history. He also asked about my last period and I had to go over it again. Then I got an exam, sort of general look over (heart and lungs) and then a pelvic exam and stuff. And then we went back to his office and he gave me the run down on egg freezing, embryo freezing, the stats on how many eggs retrieved vs. how many eggs end up being useful vs. how many eggs actually fertilize vs. how many embryos have no genetic abnormalities and then finally the very very very few/one embryo left from a cycle that can get implanted, and the risks that might not work either. Oh man! And because I’m 40, the chances of genetic abnormalities goes up. So it’s really like, slim chances, BUT still more of a chance of having a baby than not doing anything. Anyway, looks like I will need to do a couple of cycles. Which is more money. The second cycle is discounted though, which is nice. He said he could find me a surrogate when I am ready, it’s expensive though, $40,000. That’s like, a lot of money. I’ve seen surrogates in the States costing about $100,000 though which is bananas. It’s definitely something I am going to have to figure out in the next couple of years.

Making a baby is expensive, at least doing it this way. I got blood tests at the end of it all, one of them is going to find out what a hormone level is that will determine where my fertility is. They were able to count my follicles in my ovaries, which was helpful. I checked the number online and it’s somewhat low, but not like, horribly low. Like it’s still reasonable. But still, it’s now or never really on the egg freezing. They told me to come in on a convenient day. It’s 9-11 days worth of shots from what is normally the second day of your period. But since I don’t have periods we have to check where I am in my cycle another way. Then I go in basically every day for monitoring and hormone injections, and then they retrieve eggs. They said they do it with “conscious sedation” so I won’t remember anything. That still makes me worry I’m gonna be aware when it happens. I really hope it doesn’t hurt a lot.

I’m getting worried my finances won’t hold up for all of this. They will hold up for a while, but I’m also going for a trip to Australia in November, and I’m getting Invisaligns at the end of the month and have to pay for half of that. I dunno! It’s really nerve wracking to know I have to do this expensive thing that is so time sensitive and also a total gamble and in the end I might have to adopt anyway. Like what if it’s just throwing my money away? On the other hand, ANYONE doing fertility stuff has to wonder about that. If I could pay more I could freeze embryos and have a better idea of how many are viable. It’s really dodgy. BUT ALSO they know what they are doing.

I wish I was getting an award this year. That would help. OH I kind of am. Except I’m using it to live on. I dunno, I did my budget and I seem to have enough if I don’t go wild buying shit I don’t need. I really need to sit down and do some math again. Like, how much will Australia cost? How much will Invisaligns cost? How much will 2 cycles of egg freezing cost? How much do I need to live a month?

At least it’s tax deductible. At least, I am pretty sure it is. I seem to have made a lot of money this year. I wish more of it was covered. It would be more affordable then.