I’m outgrowing my apartment/home. I’ve lived here for five years this summer, definitely a long time. I really love my apartment, it’s been a good safe place to live, and super affordable. But I REALLY want to get into a two bedroom, and I can’t do that until I have a partner to move in with. I’ve seen a couple two bedroom units in my co-op and they are really nice. Also not HUGE but like, they have dining rooms. I don’t have a dining room, just a living room, bedroom, teeny kitchen, and bathroom. ALSO the kitchens seem to have way more cupboard space. I would love more cupboards. I feel like that point in Alice In Wonderland when she’s eating food that makes her giant and her arms and legs are sticking out of windows in the house she’s bursting out of. Only I also have dogs!

I know I also need to lose some things. Like, I have a lot of tshirts I never wear. They could definitely go. I have books I really don’t need or want to read again, those could go. I have some DVDs I just don’t need. You know, just junk. I have cds that could go to the street. This stuff is all taking space and I don’t have to let it.

At the same time a pandemic really does feel like a shitty time to leave things out for people to pick through. Like who is gonna trust it to not have COVID? I can’t even guarantee it doesn’t have COVID because I don’t know maybe I am asymptomatic.

I’m not sure how to cope with this urge to move to a new place, since I definitely can’t move right now. I’m not leaving the co-op. My apartment gets great sun. I just want a bigger one. But I have been thinking maybe I could work on making my home more appealing. I’ve been cleaning rooms in a more substantive way. Like, I got rid of a lot of junk in my bedroom and put things where they were supposed to go. So it seems a lot more reasonable in there. And I’ve been thinking about painting my apartment. Not a HUGE paint job, but like, I could paint the trim in my living room, and the door to the stairs. Just a few things. I like the plants I’ve gotten, they make me feel more in touch with life and nature.

I don’t know. I am restless. And not like I want to leave town, and I definitely don’t want to leave the co-op. I think I am just antsy to get to the next part of my life where I’m living with someone and starting a life together and making each other dinner and having baths together and lazy morning sex and calling home to see if my partner wants me to pick something up from the store. And like, MORE SPACE! A kitchen with more cupboards. A place to have a dining table that we can eat at. I think what is also distressing is that this part of my life is completely out of my control until the right person comes along.

And I can’t go dating until this pandemic is over or under control or SOMETHING. It’s a very strange time in my life. I didn’t have this in my life plans.