I went to the gym again today instead of hooking up with someone. So I did manage to make it 3 times this week. This morning I was rubbing my lower back before I got in the bathtub and it felt way more muscly, so I took a pic in the mirror and wow! My back is finally in the coveted Dorito shape. I wasn’t sure I was gonna get there. Transition can feel so slow when you’re really wanting it. But it’s been over a year and a half and my thighs and hips got skinny and my shoulders and back are way more muscled. I’m also working on my pecs and they look cute but not as muscly as I hoped. I know I have to start doing a short workout even on the days I don’t go to the gym. I just keep putting it off. I was also able to do the Gravitron today and the last time I went to the gym. So I feel way better about my upper body strength. I have a pull up bar in my house but I haven’t tried it in a long time. Maybe tomorrow I’ll see if I can do anything with it.

I’m so happy my back is changing shape. I knew that shoulders can get broader on T and I was starting to see a difference in my profile pics in terms of how my shoulders look. But I hadn’t looked at my back in a long time.

I’m pretty happy with my transition overall. I am going up to 80mg a week on Monday, which is cool and I hope it helps. I’m really not sure about my body/facial hair situation. If it goes by matrilineal lines, that’s all Scottish stuff. And I’ve seen historical photos of Scottish men, they have GIANT beards. So I guess I am hopeful again, but also it might just be Cree genes and I won’t get a big beard. Like I think my Cree Grandpa had four facial hairs, it was very little of anything.

I’ve noticed I smell a lot better since top surgery healing is done. The binder was getting smelly, and before that all my sports bras and binders would get smelly. So now I just wear a shirt that I change every day and at the gym and it’s made my armpits smell much more subtle. Which is a relief because my bras would get RANK. Odiferous!

I think I want to record my voice more. I did record along the way, but mostly I didn’t use it for work things because I dunno, I was letting it become what it was becoming I guess. But I like my voice and normally I use it in my work so I’m probably gonna start making videos again. Like those personal monologue videos.

I’m doing good otherwise. I am halfway done my application for this job on Monday. I got all my references together so that’s the main thing I was stressed about. Now I just have to do my CV and teaching statement. I also found a grant I can apply to for developing my next video game, but it’s more of a corporate grant so I have to really put specific work into it. I’m basically just scrambling for money right now hoping I won’t be as broke in 2024 as I have been this year. It was a bum year! I did do a lot of work but some of the grants for this year came a while ago and so it was just trying to catch up. 2022 was way better.

But also I came out a year and a half ago and have been super insular about my transition and watching all the things happen. So it’s been a generative year and a half I suppose, but not “productive” as I would like. Although I did make that giant video game.

The video game is almost done but I’m putting it aside until this job application is in on Monday. I did fix a lot of things really fast though. It’s getting there! I’m almost ready to test a build of it again. I need to redo the credits tho.

I was able to buy casein protein again for my protein shakes. I was super getting into drinking that while I was working out, like in the evening before bed. Anyway I think I am gonna go do that right now.