My web host has been paid until 2027. So this blog will stick around for that long at least, hopefully longer depending on my ongoing survival in this hellhole we’ve turned Earth into. But at least I’ll have some corner of the internet to blab in.

I did a lot of work today. I scored some applications for an award. I answered some emails about upcoming travel to EMPAC. I responded to an application for the workshop for Indigiqueer/2 Spirit Youth with Crushing Colonialism so that they knew we received it (please apply! See Crushing Colonialism Instagram @crushingcolonialism for details!). I did some light cleaning. I edited some video FINALLY for a project and realized the resolution is extremely LARGE which was making it glitch out in the sequence settings I was trying to edit it in. I’m gonna have to dial down the resolution when I go to output because honestly the monitors it’s going to be on are NOT that fancy. I got some toilet paper and Posey’s fancy cheese for her heart pills. I also did an interview with a filmmaker who is doing a film about various approaches to gender and sexuality in different societies so I was telling him things I knew about 2 Spirit people. Which is a lot but I still gave him some names of other people to talk to.

This last month was a lot of managing issues going on. And that took a lot of time away from working on my practice. It was really hard to keep on top of stuff. But yesterday and today I’ve gotten back into the swing of things. I came up with a course description for a course I am going to teach in 2025. So that’s cool, I think I wrote about it here already because it hasn’t been so long since I posted last.

After these small videos are done, I am going to be trying to edit my video about transitioning. I have two last shots I want to get but aside from that it’s taking everything I’ve gathered over the last while and trying to do something experimental with them. I obviously want to do something NEW with it that hasn’t been done before. But I don’t know if that will happen, maybe it will just go into the pile of what all the transition videos look like. July 25th will be two years on Testosterone so I’m not sure if I want to wait to export it until I get some images of me at two years. But I could at least edit most of it.

I also have to finish this script I’ve been sitting on like a little egg that is going rotten. It’s like, extremely young (not even a first draft yet, just outlines) and I need to work A LOT on it. Which means getting back into my writing practice and things have just been taking time away from that. But when I wrote “macîskotêw (Evil Fire)” I would MAKE myself write. like I had DEADLINES to meet and stuff, and I would put on timers so I would have to write for 20 minutes at a time a few times a day. And that worked for me but this project has been so neglected. Plus I need to get stuff to my story editor and he’s just waiting. WONDERING. When is it coming?

It’s funny to me that the two projects I’m having a hard time starting are the trans projects. I heard someone criticize trans people who have only been out for less than a year taking up space and talking about their experiences. So I didn’t want to do that I guess although the beginning of transition is exciting. But anyway, it’s been almost two years since I came out as a trans man so it’s about time I did SOMETHING about it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about beauty and ugliness, kindness and cruelty. I feel like I’m committed to bringing beauty and kindness into the world. I heard someone boast about being mean and I just think wow what a sad life that is. I’m assertive but I’m not aggressive. My therapist was telling me about the difference because there is one. We’ve also been talking a lot about power and what it means to have power. And the possibilities of having power without abusing people. I think some people think power is equivalent to abuse and that being cruel means you’re dominant. But even in BDSM that is not a true statement.

Anyway ha ha philosophical thoughts.

Really though I think being an artist means I’m committed to beauty in some way, and I don’t even mean physical beauty. I just mean creating spaces in the world for people to experience themselves and understand something. Not like a garden, although maybe sometimes. I think even horror films can have a kind of beauty, to the people who like to watch them.