I made it back to Saskatoon for my first time in two years. It’s been really nice. Something I like about coming back to my territory is I learn new things about myself every time. I visited my cousin and she let me try on my late Grandpa’s cowboy hat. And even though it’s prob 2 sizes too big for me right now, it does look really good on me. And then my Uncle John decided to give it to me, so I have that now and it’s really nice! I actually also decided I want a felt cowboy hat. And then I talked to my Dad yesterday and he offered to give me his Grandfather’s cowboy hat from the 50’s which is a brown Stetson flat top. So someday I will see it I suppose!

I also visited my Dad obviously, and I’ve seen my Mom a lot and it has been nice. I saw a couple of cousins and a bunch of friends. And my Uncle John and one of my fave exes/friends. I also went to Sasktel Jazzfest and took mushrooms with my friends and watched Jewel and Melissa Etheridge. I knew very few of their songs but it was still fun. There was a thunderstorm when Melissa got on and I was surprised they went ahead with it because normally the Jazzfest cancels outdoor concerts during a thunderstorm. I guess Melissa’s team was determined to play though. And like, the rain did let up about ten minutes into her concert so it was fine really. She didn’t get hit by lightning anyway.

I also got a psychic reading from one of my fave Youtuber tarot readers, Cosmic Tarot. It was SO fucking accurate holy crap! I was pretty amazed. I’d been watching her collective tarot readings for Taurus and also Sagittarius and they often had points that resonated with me. And I like her style of doing readings. So I had to get a personal reading because I was looking for a psychic and she really tapped into my energy it was incredible. I’ve had a couple of disappointing psychic readings in the last couple of years, so I was so pleased with this one. The other ones just didn’t “fit” with what I was experiencing at the time. But this one made sense in so many ways. I won’t detail it here.

But one thing I have been noticing which she picked up is this closer connection with a spiritual world. I’ve noticed it since I began transitioning. I mean I knew spirits were around and have had experiences before, but this is getting more and more clear in the last two years. I’ve been able to communicate with my Grandpa without any tools or anything, just in this space. I don’t know how to explain it. Telepathically I guess. It’s not like I have to say my answers or questions out loud. But it def feels like he communicates with me and I “hear” his voice although it’s not an audible hearing if that makes sense. Also I’ve been seeing spirits finally. A lot of stuff in my peripheral vision, but also some full on apparitions in front of me. One was a little girl back at the Whaley House in San Diego. But mostly they are lights or shadows, like orbs and light forms and stuff.

There’s also some spiritual stuff I found out about myself by coming back home and talking with relatives who have some spiritual knowledge. So that’s been interesting, and of course not something I will talk about here in public except that it makes things make sense for me. Like protective things and that sort of stuff.

It’s been a good trip, and I am so relieved because I was apprehensive about coming back to Saskatoon. I mean, not everyone is getting my name or pronouns right. But they are trying which does mean something to me. And no one has been acting fucked up to me or anything. Most strangers here just see me as a dude which is nice. And my friends are all still my friends and I got to see a lot of them and catch up on Saskatoon gossip. There’s a whole kink/leather world in this town that I was never really a part of while I lived here, so hearing stuff about that was kind of cool. I was never really a part of the film community here either. I’m not sure why that was, I just didn’t gel I guess. I am much more rooted in Toronto now.

I like coming back to Saskatoon for this visit, but I go back home tomorrow evening and I am pretty sure I’ll be ready by then. If I stayed two weeks it might start to drag on and get weird/shitty. But I think this is like, eight days, and it’s been fine. I’m also staying with a friend instead of my Mom and that’s been good. BUT I have seen my Mom a lot, like almost every day except for a couple days. I think it’s better for us that I’m not at her house the whole time. Like, we can see each other and be happy and then go to our separate spaces at the end of the day and it’s fine. Even before things got weird last time, she would always be a bit stressed out by me being at her house, like the way I would take up space and stuff. And I dunno, I guess I feel weird being a grown up and being in my Mom’s house all the time. SO I think it was a good move.

I miss my dogs!!! I love them so much and I get to be home for a good long while when I return to Toronto. My next trip is to London Ontario for a few days to get settled in as the Artist in Residence/Professor. I’m going to be commuting I think with one night a week in London and taking Via rail there and back. So we’ll see how long that lasts. I mean it has to last ha ha it’s my job. I just got a teaching position there for the Fall term which is a film studies class so I am making up the syllabus now and I think it will be super fun. It’s Indigenous Cinema! I am having a hard time whittling down which films to show, there’s so many good ones!!! It’s really nice that we have this problem, that Indigenous Cinema is so deep and beautiful from so many filmmakers and so many countries. I mean even though the last few months was rough, I really do love the Indigenous film community and all the work people have done.