I’m really busy right now, ever since I got home. I’ve been catching up on work. I didn’t have a lot of time for work in Saskatoon and now it’s like, back to all my jobs. I’ve been having meetings and stuff. I actually missed two meetings by accident, one was because I put the time in my calendar in Saskatoon and forgot to update it to EST. So it was two hours behind in my calendar and I missed it! And then the other meeting I missed because I was hyperfocused on doing my syllabus. So that was too bad but I caught up with all those people now. I really need to set more alarms for myself, I lose track of time so easily. My calendar used to be a good enough reminder but it’s not working like it used to.

I was throwing my hands up in the air and like, giving up on Canada Council grants. But then someone convinced me to give it another shot. So I am slowly getting all the materials together for the fall deadline. I was also intimidated by doing the budget, but the budget is not as horrible as I assumed. I have one project I think I can do in two years, and then hopefully another project I can finish in a year. BUT ALSO I might just make this one big project a three year project. Because it does have a lot of steps, AND I can include another project in at the same time. Because I would like to work on more than one project.

My transition video was on hold during travels. So I haven’t worked on it for a while. I need to edit in a lot more things. It’s taking so much longer to edit now that there are background videos, so I need to figure that out, or hit render more I guess. I am hoping to finish it by the end of this summer though.

OH something exciting in my transition did happen! ***TMI WARNING****

I had an appointment with my nurse practitioner who deals with trans health care to talk about metoidioplasty. Which is a bottom surgery. I’m hoping to get a simple release metoidioplasty next summer. So that’s a thing. I don’t feel like I have to fit a particular shape of a guy though. Like I do feel like a man, but I’m ok with genitals that aren’t like a cis man’s genitals. But they could work in a way I appreciate more. So that’s happening. I have to pick a surgeon. She gave me the email address to ask if OHIP has worked with funding particular surgeons, so I have it narrowed down to three or four surgeons and am going to send an email about them. There’s one in the USA I particularly want, but I’m not sure I’m small enough fat wise for her. It’s complicated!!! I hate bmi stuff but yeah it comes up a lot.

I’m being bothered by my fighting dogs right now. Play fighting. Well I think Todd is being annoying to Posey. TODD cut it out! He’s such a brat. Puppy adolescence is no joke! He’s very willful and ridiculous. And he goes to sleep so late and he wakes up so early. It’s hard because he’s bouncing all over me while he’s awake. So it makes falling asleep and staying asleep difficult.

I’m doing the syllabus for my class so I’ve been looking through the online journals and stuff for readings. I’m realizing I may have to revise which films from which directors I am showing because there’s more writing about one film than another.

I’m having a good time otherwise I suppose. I also have to get materials ready for a workshop later in August because some of it has to be translated into Spanish. I’m hanging out with my dogs and mostly sticking close to home. It’s nice just being home for a little bit. Although I remember I got antsy about wanting to travel while I couldn’t because of my name change going through. So maybe that’s just my curse, to want to travel when I can’t and want to stay home when I have to travel.

I do like traveling though. I think the anxiety comes from me needing to get dog sitters all the time because I have sucky dog babies ha ha. They’re sweet but yeah, organizing that is stressful.

I have therapy on Monday! I had to skip this past week because I was traveling and then she was unable to reschedule. So I am gonna be happy to get to talk to her again soon. I haven’t seen her since before Saskatoon so that’s a whole thing to talk about. And I guess other things happened. I got a job! That’s right, I didn’t talk to her after that happened yet. I did tell her in an email because I will be able to pay her higher rate when I get paid. I need to redo my budget actually.

I’m struggling for the rest of the summer though, because money is few and far between right now. So that will be a pain. Posey had mystery bloody poops for 24 hours and I almost had to find money for the vet, but then she got better and I think it was just dog anxiety because she went to my friend’s house with their roommates for a night. Blood poops, so dramatic! She’s fine now. There was a series of texts back and forth about her poops. So that poo emoji IS helpful.