I’m so exhausted. I went to bed late last night and then woke up early because I wanted to google something I was curious about. And then the dogs wanted to get up. So it was 6:30am and I got up. I will try to have a nap today I guess. But also yesterday I forgot my Vyvanse and it made me SO fucking sleepy all day, I didn’t realize I didn’t take my morning meds until 5pm, and that’s too late to take Vyvanse. So this morning I DID take my Vyvanse, so maybe it will keep me awake.

It’s too hot in my apartment. It works best with the window and porch door open to let air through, because the air conditioner is WEAK.

I’m genuinely afraid I will probably die of a heat related illness. Like heatstroke or something. I have crappy air conditioning and I’m on psych meds that interfere with how my body deals with the heat. I know I have dealt with the heat this far. And it’s not even that hot of a day today. But it’s always this time of year that I look forward to the fall when it’s leather jacket season again.

We are supposed to get air conditioning in our co-op in the next two years. I really hope so. I’m so tired of this.

I had a hookup last night with an insanely sexy construction worker but it was SO HOT in my apartment that we sweated all over the sheets and then I was laying there alone with my dog on damp sheets all night and it was GROSS. I really need to wash these sheets actually. It’s really bad! I hope I can wash my clothes and sheets in two loads, sometimes summer surprises me with how much laundry I can do when it’s shorts instead of jeans.

My puppy ripped my sheets, so I need new sheets. But poor boy summer continues so I’m living with these ripped sheets. I feel like a tragic trans bachelor. And I’m back to surviving on chef boyaredee and beans and oatmeal. So it’s very poor diet wise. Although I am having so many blueberry and fruit smoothies and those are helpful I guess.

The dietician said it’s better for me to eat blueberries than drink them. But I don’t want to chew on a bowl of frozen blueberries. They’re frozen for a reason! A smoothie reason.

I’m doing laundry. My sheets are too gross to even contemplate sleeping in them for one more night.

I wish I had in suite laundry. I have to use a shared laundry room and I get anxiety in there if it’s busy, or if people leave their laundry in too long and I have to move it. Shared laundry can be such a tense environment! Hate it.

Anyway I don’t know if there’s anything terribly remarkable to comment on today. Not really, besides climate change sucks. And poverty sucks. I still owe my therapist for our last session before she went on vacation, and I owe a dog sitter, and I’m sending emails to family members for grocery money. It’s annoying. I’ve been waiting months for one payment from a university. I am tired of that. And CRA STILL needs to update my name and now the Business CRA says I have to make a specific change with the regular CRA, and regular CRA has a three hour wait because civil servants got cut back. It’s tiresome! And I find it hard to commit to hours at home by my phone and laptop, when I also need to do things like walk my dogs or get my meds or any multiple things that come up in a day. Three hours is very discouraging. And in the meantime I keep having to give out my deadname for one particular account. It’s SUCH a headache but honestly I just need to pick a day to stay home and do it. The minutia of bureaucracy will be the death of me.

I haven’t given an update on Todd recently, but he’s growing and learning. It’s his first summer and he is discovering the places in the house that are cooler, like being on the floor more, or laying next to the fridge, or in front of the fan. I feel like a bad dog dad for not being able to provide him with air conditioning. We do have a cooling mat for dogs, or we did. It got peed on a lot, I might have thrown it out. Todd is having lots of fun going for walks, there’s many things to pee on out there and he has perfected lifting a leg. He has ONE Ball, the other one is still undescended. The vet is unconcerned though and says they can get it out when he gets neutered. He isn’t getting denutted until it’s his birthday though. Or like, probably just after his birthday, so he gets a nice day. The vet says dachshunds shouldn’t be neutered until they are a year old and their growth plates have done a thing.

And Todd is probably the most classically dachshund dachshund I have had. He’s got a LONG skinny back, and a very dachshund face. Posey has kind of a shorter nose than him, I think she has a great grandma who was a chihuahua or something. One time a dog identifier filter said she was a chiweenie and she might be. But mostly dachshund. But Todd is like, very pretty and fits all the features. He’s a sweetheart.

It was so stressful when he was a baby. And having so many disturbed sleeps with him was hard. But he’s becoming quite a sweet dog now. I mean he always was, but he’s starting to mellow out a bit, unless he’s got the zoomies. It’s nice to see him maturing. And he’s very cuddly which was nice. He was always a cuddler though, he used to make me hold him while he slept. And he still does sometimes.

He was right next to me last night though, and he was so hot and I was so hot and the sheets were so sweated on and it was very uncomfortable.

If I keep having hookups the way I do, I think it might be time to get more than one sheet set at a time. I’ve been cheaping out because of poverty, but only having one set of sheets is SAD. And I can’t do laundry all the time or I have to enter the high anxiety forced social area looking like a slut.

ANYWAY I am not retiring from being a slut, but I am thinking more about wanting a romantic partner. But a romantic partner who is also a slut. Because then we would match better. I feel like I have so much I want to experience as a bisexual trans man, but I do think sometimes how nice it would be to have someone to travel with, or someone to make dinner with, or to go on dorky movie dates. All kinds of things that aren’t totally sexual. I still want the sexual aspect of it but also MORE variety in how I engage romantically with men or anyone that isn’t purely about having orgasms would be good. I think I need to rewrite my Grindr profile.

I am still on Tinder but I think I got shadowbanned for being trans. Serves me right for letting cis het women see me in their feed.