Missy Elliot was amazing by the way. It was a good concert. At the end when we were leaving I was standing on the stairs, but I could see some Black women on the row under me waiting to get out. And I thought Black women should be prioritized at a Missy Elliot show. So I held the stairs while they got out and one of them thanked me. But I heard some women behind me before the Black women got out saying “Why is he just standing there?” “Because he’s a man!” Which was kind of hilarious because honestly also it was just crowded and we couldn’t move. BUT ALSO because they still recognized me as a man and then just put this negative thing on me instead of recognizing I was holding the stairs for these Black women in row 15 to get out. Like it was semi-gender euphoric, but also a bummer because it was just random misandry and they didn’t even know I was trans or that anything might be unusual about my gender.

I guess it’s fine to get man-hate if they want. Like it’s really just words and nothing else. AND also I KNEW why I was waiting for these women to get out.

“Man-hate” is kind of hilarious because I think it talks about men like we are all cis and white and able-bodied, with the same level of privilege. When there’s a lot of men who have less privilege than able-bodied cis white women. So many intersections complicating things! I’m not all oppression olympics, but like, a disabled Indigenous trans man has a more difficult time than some other types of people, in different areas. I think we can all recognize that.

ON THE OTHER HAND from behind really I just look like a bald white man. Ha ha crazy how the nuances disappear based on which direction someone is looking at me.

Besides all that, things are good. I went to Western last week to start my job. I got my swipe card for access, got my keys for my studio and the Visual Arts Centre. Met a lot of people. Went on a tour of the Visual Arts building and also got a tour of the Wampum Learning Lodge which is so gorgeous. The Visual Arts building also has a lot natural light in it which is so lovely. My studio is HUGE and I think I’m going to find my spare green screen so I can shoot some video some days I am there. Although I’m not sure how great it will be for sound when the building is full of students. The men’s room down the hall has menstrual products in it which is cool, although I retired my period in 2014.

I’m really happy about how this next year is shaping up. It’s weird that I’m still a little paranoid of being happy about life in case some sour puss tries again to ruin me. Or maybe that’s not such a weird concern to have. I don’t know.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole last year so far. I was recognizing how adversaries could make me a mean person in response. But something told me that being a mean person wouldn’t make me a happy person. And I like being a happy person. And I like supporting other artists and doing educational/mentoring work. I guess just having the same values now as I did before, and not turning into someone who is vicious and spiteful. I would never lie about someone. Even if they were a terrible person, the ways they are a terrible person is all the truth I need to mention to warn people.

I am more protective of myself now though. Like, a lot of people don’t have access to me anymore (except for this blog, but if they are trying to keep up with me through reading this then that’s pretty sad they can’t just move on). And some people will only ever get my public facing information and not like, the deep stuff going on with me. I do share a lot though which gives people kind of a false sense of familiarity.

Chappell Roan made some TikToks about creepy fans and stalkers and stuff, and honestly good for her. It’s such a strange thing because obviously celebs make a lot of money from having a fan base, but also fans can cross boundaries in weird ways. There was a time I was reading a lot about parasocial relationships, because this facebook “friend” got obsessed with me and started sending me a lot of sexually inappropriate messages, I suspect when they were drunk. And she and I had never spent time together in person, so it was all this obsession based on my social media. I don’t know how to describe how weird that feels. Anyway I hope people start learning better ways to interact with celebs and so on. I don’t think they will. But like, some established expectations about giving privacy etc would be nice, not assuming you have a closer relationship than you do.

Ha ha anyway I just came here to post about having the new gender euphoria about getting man-hate ha ha. Like a cis man! ha ha ha