I went to the Polaris Prize Gala last night, it was nice! People were getting rowdier and rowdier as the night wore on though because they were drinking and getting drunker and drunker and more cringey by the minute. Or at least some people near me were driving me kind of nuts. I don’t know what happened to concerts where now people sing along but I don’t pay to listen to drunk people singing and that’s just a thing now. Lol ok that’s my crabbing for the day. But really I feel like this is a newer phenomenon? I don’t know.

I did really love that Jeremy Dutcher won though! I was glad to see his speech.

In other stuff, I’ve been doing a lot of different types of work things these days. There was a workshop I lead on Saturday on video production and I taught my class the other day and I got in an application to a fellowship and I’m helping a friend with her script. And soon we’re getting money from Telefilm to do another couple of drafts of the script. So it’s busy times! I am still probably putting my application in to that job in LA. BUT I also know I need to do a more exhaustive pros and cons list before making major decisions. Like, what if I get fired and I’m living in California with no money to get back to Canada? Or what if the pay isn’t enough? Or what will happen with my relationship with my therapist (not an inappropriate relationship, just the therapeutic relationship)? What if I am doing better here than I would be there? I know so many people here and it’s hard to get re-established somewhere else. Especially as an older person.

ALSO I got my approval for funding for bottom surgery! But it had an error in it that included vaginectomy. Which I didn’t want as I am still using that! So I got some anxiety and then someone else who dealt with OHIP told me to email them and let them know and so I did and they got back to me today and let me know they would resend the approval letter today WITHOUT vaginectomy. So that got fixed so quickly! I’m really happy I didn’t have to fight to keep it, because I know of someone else who had to fight to keep his front hole and get a phalloplasty, and there was a case recently of a nonbinary trans person who had to go to court to get penile preserving vaginoplasty covered because OHIP kept insisting they needed penectomy if they wanted vaginoplasty. ANYWAY I should get that letter soon and then I have to fill out a ton of forms on the GRS website to get in the queue to get my file looked at. They said 6-9 months to get my file assessed or whatever and then I guess we can do a consult. And I don’t know how long after that to get the surgery. I’m hoping I can do it next summer. But it also might get interrupted if I end up moving to California, so again another con in the pros and cons list.

I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow and I think I need to do this pros and cons list today so I can get a bigger picture of what I am thinking/feeling about potentially going to California. Like even just with therapy, she’s such a good therapist and I was hoping to still be with her when I was forming my next relationship because I feel like it would be helpful. Ah ha ha but what if my future partner is in California and not here?

See also around this time is when I would usually see a psychic but I saw one recently so it feels silly to see someone again so soon.

Anyway I think I’m going to go make this pros and cons list and start my powerpoint for class next week and also I have to squeeze in some guitar practicing time.

I’ve been doing good with guitar! I practiced almost every day that I’m in town except for one extremely busy day. But everyday between 15 minutes to an hour. As I learn more, my practicing goes for longer. I learned Take a Walk On the Wild Side yesterday which is super easy because it’s a bar of A chord and a bar of D chord over and over. I haven’t tried singing along with it yet. I know I have to practice singing at some point but omg I need vocal lessons too. Actually vocal lessons would be helpful even just with my voice changing from my second puberty. I’m hoping to start classes soon but this week my teacher is away and next week I’m away.

BTW I did my pros and cons list and the cons list is unfortunately longer at the moment.