I was looking at my calendar today and realized a grant deadline was coming up. And I needed to write a script before applying, because it’s for a dramatic short. I realized Telefilm is not going to give me money for a feature unless I keep making short dramas. Although I love experimental docs and don’t think that contraindicates being a feature film director. But apparently it does. SO ANYWAY I had been wanting to make a short about poverty. And I’ve been talking about it for a while but it just hadn’t gelled yet. BUT this deadline was coming.

Not to mention there are issues with my Macbook Pro where I have vertical lines on the screen. I’m hoping it will hang on long enough to do this workshop tomorrow. HOPEFUL! But also I knew it probably wouldn’t survive long enough to write a short script this weekend. So I had TODAY to write it, because my scriptwriting software is on my Mac and I don’t want to get a PC version and pay more money for it. And I opened my notes about the film I wanted to make and realized there was finally enough. So I wrote it. In like, an hour, eleven pages. Maybe an hour and a half. That’s the fastest I’ve written a script. BUT ALSO I had been percolating this idea for months, so maybe it just spewed out. And it was all about poverty and how hard that is and the decisions you make and feeling like you’re not able to be there for people you care about. So it was a lot and the end is SUPER SAD and made me cry. And now every time I read the end I cry. Which I guess means it’s working. But then I shared it with my Mom and she was like “Yikes that is depressing!” Which makes me wonder if it’s a lot. BUT ALSO it’s reality that Indigenous people live with. And poverty is violent. And the death in the script isn’t directly linked to poverty, but the poverty the main character experiences is what keeps him from being able to be present for his loved ones. So it’s a bummer script really.

BUT ALSO as someone who struggled with poverty, especially during the last year, I wanted to talk about how violent and coercive poverty can be. Like it’s not like he’s killing pigeons to eat squab at home (although I have heard of people having to do that). But it is depressing. He’s a good character too though, he’s an Indigenous trans man and I think I’m going to be the actor for him. I’ve wanted to act in a dramatic short of mine, I think I can do it. And with a small enough crew I won’t feel self conscious about it. And it’s easier than trying to find such a specific type of actor. So yeah, I will be directing AND acting which is, you know, different. But doable. And there aren’t a ton of locations, just a call centre, welfare office, the main character’s home, and a pub. And the outdoors, but like, the front sidewalk of his house. So that’s minimal. And the pub just has me and an actress in it. The call centre and welfare office could be the same location with minor changes, and that’s only three actors and the main character. So it’s all doable, with specific angles. Like, I don’t want to pay extras for the pub scene, so it will just be them in the corner together. And I’m hoping to hire someone I’ve worked with before for the girlfriend role, who is a trans character. And then there’s going to be some stuff “online” and some printed correspondence and some texts and some phone calls. The phone calls will be easier because only one character will be on camera.

So I have planned it out as low budget as possible. Three locations, I could probably shoot it in two days. Three at the most, but the pub scene will be short because it’s only two pages of dialogue, and the welfare and call centre office could be most of the rest of the shooting day. I’m thinking the scenes in his home can take up one whole day in one location. So yeah! That’s the plan.

After I wrote it I completed the grant application for it. I’m asking for $15,000 for it. I did a rough budget. I’m hoping it comes through so I can shoot this spring and edit myself for a summer finish. It won’t take a ton of time to make. It would be done in time for fall screenings next year. I just hope no one says it’s poverty porn. It’s not porn! It’s just life when life is rough! Not all of us can be non-triggering in talking about our life experiences. Sometimes life fucking sucks and poverty makes it worse. Although he does make porn in the film, but not onscreen, just behind his bedroom door.

Yeah. It’s depressing but human I think. But will probably make a bunch of people sad. BUT ALSO it’s about poverty and that’s the point.

People are so ashamed when they are poor. I know I am. It feels like being a failure, instead of how the system is working and failing people.

Anyway the university had lent me a laptop for work, and I’m using it now while trying to preserve my computer for this workshop tomorrow. But if the lines get worse I’m not sure what I will do, it will interrupt me being able to show how this program works. So wish me luck I guess! I might download the software onto this computer too. Although I am hoping to record Spanish zoom interpretation on this computer. AHHH WORK.

I also have to mark assignments this week. It’s reading week, so I can catch up on all of that. The deadline is tonight for the students. So I will have most of them to start tomorrow night. I’m going for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow afternoon, which should be nice, after my workshop.