I’ve been slowly trying to withdraw from things like, well Amazon. I felt so satisfied when I closed my account. It felt a bit sketchy at first, having to look up other places to get stuff from, or to go to the store. But it’s fine honestly. It’s cut back a lot on unnecessary purchases actually which is GOOD for me who is bipolar with very little shopping impulse control. Especially in a good mood! I also cancelled my Netflix and Disney Plus. I downloaded all of my information from Facebook in case I want to delete it, and I am torn on that still because I have contact with some people there that I don’t have elsewhere. I might just stick to messenger or something. I don’t know, but if I decide to close it I am prepared sort of.

I also downloaded Duck Duck Go as a browser, and opened a new Proton Mail account so that I can start to get away from Google. It’s just a VERY evil corporation now, I can’t support it, and also so much of my online life is baked in with Google and my gmail accounts. So that’s going to be a longer project of disentangling. Hopefully using gmail in my duck duck go browser keeps me from being tracked a bit more. But hopefully new emails come to my new email account. I still get email to my deadname email account, AND it’s what I use for Youtube. So I gotta figure that out I guess.

Anyway, it’s just horrible watching the shit show downstairs (USA). I don’t know what they are gonna do to alter the course of all of this. And then getting dragged into it with these taunts that we’ll be the 51st state is just ridiculous, we are in the shittiest time line (sponsored by Amazon, Facebook, and Google!). I think I am going to start calling out corporations as sponsors of this shit every time there is a new awful story. American concentration camps (sponsored by Amazon, Facebook, and Google). Like that.

Aside from that I’m ok, recovered from that weird mini flu I had or whatever. It’s been tiresome sticking close to home. But tomorrow I am going to therapy and then later my guitar class. So I’m looking forward to that. I need to do more work on my songs, because like, I can do a song in parts, but putting it all together is hard. And I learned most of Wish You Were Here, but there’s a guitar solo with a bunch of slides that I haven’t learned yet. AND also I still want to learn the intro to Crazy on You but that’s like, complicated!

Next week is reading week, so I am off from work. I also finished up the recent version of my script, so that’s off my plate for now. And there was something else, OH marking, I did marking. So I’m caught up on that too. So today I relaxed, but felt guilty because captalist ideas of productivity and worth fucked with me. I did clean up and do the dishes though. And had a lovely nap. The snow is coming down so in the morning I’m going to have to shovel. I have to remember that before I end up trying to leave for therapy and get trapped by a snowdrift.

I’m in a good mood really. I felt despairing when I had a whole bunch of stuff all over the floor and needed to take out the garbage. But that’s over for now. I also got groceries yesterday, and some take out today, so I wasn’t starving all day which was nice. I’ve been paying someone back an EXTREMELY LARGE amount of money and that’s finally paid off, so I’m able to relax and just like, have money that sits in my account and doesn’t go anywhere really except to bills and rent and food. It’s really nice. I also cut way back on buying stuff in general.

I had a massage yesterday and I wish it was great and the person who does it DOES do a good job, but my tailbone still hurts and I was laying on my back and it just ACHED. So I guess I will wait a while before another massage. I also think I can’t really bottom with this tailbone doing it’s sad boy thing. Someone said “You could top instead” and I was like grumble grumble grumble. I mean I could there’s options ha ha. I could be a side, if being a side means we get to have sex on our sides. I actually don’t know what being a side means in gay lingo, I guess I should go look it up ha ha. OH I guess it means you don’t do anal. Which is true for me, but what is a trans fag if he uses his front hole? I guess we need another word for front hole/oral only bottoms. I’m taking suggestions! Put them in the comments ha ha.