I’ve been at this hotel in Osnabrück eating so much meat every morning for breakfast. I was here for the European Media Art Festival which has just wrapped up today. Today I spent four hours doing laundry. It was kind of insane. The washer was fine except it took twice as long as my washer takes back home. ANd then the dryer kept lying to me about how much more time it was going to take to dry my clothes. I went in and it said 20 minutes left, so 20 minutes I came back and it said 15 minutes left, so 15 minutes later I came back and it said 37 minutes left. So I opened the dryer to see how dry it was and then it went back to 1hr 8 minutes. ARGH! Finally I just pulled my stuff out even though the socks were still a bit damp. It’s fine. I think it was two loads of laundry I was trying to do as one load. Oops!

The festival was really good! I was hanging out with Adam Khalil and Walter Scott and Sylvia Schedelbauer and a bunch of other folks. It was also my birthday so they took me out for Indian food. It was really good! I also had currywurst for lunch which was not bad. Currywurst can be hit or miss sometimes. Usually miss but I guess it depends where you go. I also went with Walter to this dismal German restaurant where I got meat I assume was boar, on top of the most disgusting goulash I’ve ever had. With sad previously frozen broccoli. Walter had a very sad salad with wet turkey chunks. I stayed an extra night, most people left today. I’m going to Amsterdam in the morning and I guess didn’t feel like leaving early.

I was trying to get my travel guitar before I left Toronto, but they shipped it the day I flew here and it arrived in Toronto shortly after. So it’s at home. I found a place to rent a Martin DM to use in Amsterdam for a few days to do some practicing. I need to get cash to give to the dude so I can put a deposit down etc. I was going to rent a real high end Martin just to see what it’s like, but it was gonna have like, a 3500 dollar deposit and that’s just kinda wild for me, so no. Plus I am just practicing. I brought my music sheets with me, so I’m excited. Also picks! I’m ready! I pick it up on Wednesday. Tuesday I’m at a tulip farm all day, so I wasn’t going to have time to go to the rental place. I had a ghost tour booked and the people cancelled it, so I booked a different ghost tour on the same evening with someone else. I kind of love ghost tours because you learn all kinds of history when you go. I’ve done ghost tours in Paris, London, New Orleans, Vienna. I think other places too but I don’t remember them all. Surprisingly I’ve never done a Toronto ghost tour, which is a real oversight considering that’s my hometown now.

I saw some great films at this festival. Adam did a program of work about Germans who pretend to be Indians and it had a very awkward Q&A with someone who was trying to defend Karl May and it got tense omg. Hitler was a big fan of Karl May but this audience member was trying to say Karl May opened up people’s minds. Except for Hitler obviously!

Omg anyway…

I had a hard time staying up late, kept going home to the hotel to crash around 10 or 11. Last night I stayed out until midnight and then had to tap out. I do tend to travel a lot with my work, so to me home is just where ever my suitcase is. I mean I do have a home, my pups are back there with the sitter having a good time. I miss their little faces! Not their barking though. Todd loves to bark.

I turned 47 yesterday! It was so nice, when I went down for dinner the lady who took my room number said “It’s your birthday! Happy birthday!” And then she came by with a chocolate cupcake with a candle in it. So sweet! And then I had my screening that morning. It went really well, people had a good response to it. And then the festival people gave me a carrot cupcake with three candles in it. So sweet! And a flower. And then my friends took me to dinner and the Indian restaurant gave me TWO pieces of cheesecake AND gulub jamun which I love. But by then I was SO STUFFED I could only eat one little gulub jamun. Aww I had to tap out.

Today has been relatively low key. I went to go see the award winning film this morning, and then was doing laundry, and then just vegged out in my hotel room. Socializing really takes it out of me so it was kind of nice to recharge myself with some quiet time. I normally spend most of my week in Toronto being alone at home with the dogs. I guess I am reclusive? I don’t know, the pandemic turned me into a mega homebody.

I’m doing well otherwise. I have enough to survive right now. My last payment from Western is coming this week, which will be great. I should hear about my travel grant soon. I submitted the big grant on time, so I will hear back in October. I’ve got to figure out some more income this summer though and early fall. I might need to find some workshop gigs or something. I was worried I didn’t get paid a fee, but today I checked my PayPal and the fee was in there, so that was helpful. I also still got to do some pre-production stuff for my short film, including finding a pop-ish musician who will let me use their song. I can pay $1000 but I want to find a really good song. I sent an email to this one band to ask a while ago, but at that point I didn’t have the grant and now I do. So I may send them an email again.

I got annoyed this afternoon but I let it go. It was probably left over annoyance from the long wait to get my laundry done. I’m so glad I didn’t wait until tonight though, because I would have been really grumpy staying up so late trying to dry my clothes.

I had a great time at this festival. Over 3500 submissions came and they only chose 31 for their International Selection, including Dreams of Sunlight Through Trees. So that was really good to hear. So competitive! I’ve been trying to figure out where its audience is. It keeps getting rejected from festivals in the United States, to the point that I am considering stopping submitting to American festivals. It’s just a waste of money really. It showed in a Union Docs membership screening, but that’s all that it’s done in the States. Someone here told me it was a lifesaving film though, so it’s kind of sad American audiences aren’t going to see it. Unless I made it available for anyone on my Vimeo though, but then that screws up my festival tour because they don’t like showing stuff that is already online.

I am showing it at a few places in Toronto which is good. So at least it has hometown support! And it did have a world premiere at Melbourne Queer Film Festival which was nice, although I couldn’t be there because of work.

Now that my teaching gigs are over I can travel again, which is exciting for me. It would be nice to show somewhere else I can travel to.

I’m excited for Amsterdam tomorrow. I’m doing a bunch of touristy stuff. And museums etc. The gay sauna has a queer night where anyone can go, so I might check that out. I’m going on a boat cruise where you can smoke weed. Tulip farm, but tomorrow I need to go get some snacks for my lunch because I don’t think they feed you. I have a ghost tour booked too which will be fun. And going to the Anne Frank House which will be good but sad.

I got two ideas for creative projects while on my trip. One is a video based performance I need to do in June in Regina. And another is a novel I want to write. I was actually on the train from Amsterdam to Osnabrück when it came to me, just this idea that seemed to come from the ether and talks about a lot of things I have been thinking about about genocide and memory. I guess it could be a film, but to be honest the feature I’ve been working on has taken so long to come together and it has been so hard to convince people to give me money for production, that I feel like it would be easier to write a novel where I don’t need to raise millions of dollars. I don’t want to wait for a bunch of people to give me permission to make it. And this way I can just write it, and I’m constantly writing anyway. I could peck away at it. I sat down in a break on my birthday and wrote just over two pages of an outline for it. I think it’s an idea people will steal though, so I am super careful about who I talk to about it. I might just talk to my therapist about it honestly until it’s more advanced.

I also do still have to finish my feature script. I’ve been reconceptualizing part of it and it’s been tricky. I am changing some big things but I think it will make the story more logical. It does abandon one thing I thought was a really important part, but the story doesn’t support that part anymore.

Anyway, I am feeling grateful about spending time with filmmakers and working through concepts and also just being exposed to other films and seeing ways other filmmakers have told their stories.

LONG ENTRY! I will probably not write again until after I’m back home from Amsterdam. Unless something interesting happens? Or when I get spare time? Who knows.

The election is tomorrow. I hope we get a humane government and not the cruelty of the Conservatives.