Wow

I seem to have met the only person who can make me take a stand and disarm me at the same time. Holy fuck. It’s such a relief, now my whole dark side can go back to my sex life where it belongs. I’m so freakin’ relieved. That is too ridiculously fun.

I did have to talk about ritual abuse in this blog though, because it is how the psychiatric system I ended up in treated me. And since this whole blog is about my healing process from this crazy time period of domination, psych ritual abuse just had to be talked about.

I don’t think people realize how damaging psychiatry is to the people who end up in it, especially people who today are just having a common new experience of spiritual awakening. People may be going to the edge these days, but it’s because everything is changing. I don’t know if I would have been so heavily ritually abused by the Montreal psych ward if they had known I was an internationally recognized director, but then again to them I was just some dumb Indian. So there you go.

Montreal is racist. In fact, a lot of Quebec is. In fact, the whole of Canada is, as is the whole world. I will protect people close to me by any means necessary, and by god if that involves space aliens so be it. I think we can start to disarm things in an intelligent way. I’ve decided to disarm you all by starting to talk openly about spirituality and awakenings and the honesty of mutually agreed upon power exchange relationships. It may seem like a funny thing for me to end up wanting to discuss, but honestly, to get through this, that is what I think you need to know. There is all the dark stuff in my blog, you’re free to read it if you want, just be aware that it was the darkest time period of my life, and probably of all our lives.

We all have dark histories now, we’ve been pushed so far because of world wide abuse. I’m perfectly willing to lead people off to the places I know are safe, because I did tangle with the Forces. They do have weaknesses that can be exploited, like all of us, and that’s what I learned on this journey. One weakness is this idea that people won’t be honest about what’s going on. It’s not necessarily secrecy that is the problem so much as silence. Although secrecy can be used against you.

Maybe I have damaged the mental health of the psych workers in Montreal by laying my four years of hell at their feet. But it is true. It’s not my fault I couldn’t stop the war. It’s the fault of the people who decided in their finite wisdom to take me someplace they had no understanding of. the whole time they tried to take me I resisted, I fought so hard to avoid being sent there. I never gave in. I was taken down by the cops, in a really violent way, and then just off and on spent time drugged to the gills in restraints with sexual offenders wandering willy nilly. I hope the Montreal psych system is happy with the war in Iraq, because in many ways they were responsible for it.

To be totally honest

Pretty much everyone makes it in the end. I mean, very few bad people appear. It seems overwhelming right now, but it’s mostly about who is following who. It all comes out this year, but truly people are safe, it’s just something that has to happen. We can’t keep living a life where we only know half the story. So this is the year of finding out the other half of the story, and my funny surveillance art project is one part of the story.

Checks and balances

You know, it is nice when you can find someone on your level to tussle with. I mean who would want someone who couldn’t best them? It’s so much fun. I can’t believe I actually found someone who can argue this well. I was worried I never would. Anyway, yeah, that’s how power is supposed to work, it’s funny. I’m probably going to wrestle around for like, a while, but I think that’s what we’re supposed to do. No one is supposed to get all violent yet, you’re just supposed to figure out where to go from here. And thank god I have someone to remind me of that. So you know, carry on. This is a process, we’re all pretty safe.

Switching

Freaking hell, uh, I guess I am the dominant in this situation. Well, that was interesting. I haven’t switched like that in ages and ages. It’s kind of fun. Maybe being a dominant will be good for me. At least then I can be more communicative. Hopefully. This will be interesting. It’s good to get out of submissive headspace if you’ve been in it too long. I don’t want to end up with bottom’s disease!!!

Bad tops man, they need to communicate better. Honestly, don’t get worried yet, people are still playing.

Chess

I am still playing chess, give me a few days.

Strange

What a very very very strange world.

What it feels like

I haven’t said too much about what this process involves, but maybe I should in case people start feeling it.

I’ll just talk about the recent stuff. When I started being able to really see stuff as it is, my eyes went totally weird for at least three days. I was hiding in the basement so that my mom wouldn’t see and take me to the doctor, because the doctor would have no clue. Anyway, my eyes felt like they were on fire, they just BURNED! And not only that, they were spewing water constantly, it just never ended. And sometimes it would calm down but it would flare up again. I started calling a friend in Vancouver about it and said “I can see the rainforest in my eyes!” Because I could, I could see this vast green space of trees that just ran along my eyes. I think she said something like “Yeah, that’s a good story.” And I’m just like “No, I’m fucking serious!”

And then when my crown chakra started opening a whole bunch of programs I didn’t know I had cracked right open, just gone. I’ve never honestly broken through my omega program before. I know people thought I might commit suicide, but I don’t know, one day it all suddenly unfolded, after I talked to someone actually about what I saw. And then the stagnant water smell came out of my sweat because I started going into die offs. And the sweat started smelling like urine for at least 24 hours, I just reeked up the whole house. The eighth chakra is opening now too, and it’s the last one that has any human stuff in it, so I’m just watching all of this baggage get chucked out insanely. And I also remember that my sweetheart and I both did clear our old karma when we died the last time. Really, we could be having all kinds of memories but we actually only have karma from this one lifetime bothering us. And I think we’ve been working through that.

I’ve never had to learn about more than the seventh chakra, but there really are twelve chakras all together and they start showing up in funny places. And there’s also a bit of a trap on the way, because there is a point where it feels like you have that kind of 12th chakra ability, but mostly you can’t use it because you’re still tied down to a bunch of things. A lot of spiritual seekers tend to stop here, but in Buddhism they say to not be decieved by the cloudy light of hell. So yeah, there is a pretend heaven that you have to be looking out for, because some people just quit there, especially when they start walking through two worlds at once. That’s a weird transition period, it’s pretty scary actually, unless you have faith. Especially if you’ve been facing demons for like four years! I don’t know though, four years of the spiritual equivalent of waving a broom around to keep things away, that does end up training you in a funny way. I mean, it’s horrible, they like to play all kinds of mind games mostly. But it did make me learn how to draw down white light anytime I needed to.

I told some things to come back later, I mean, they are around but I knew I couldn’t talk to them yet, and I know they respected it, which was good. I’d hear them standing outside my door talking to each other, women’s voices mostly. Some male voices. Talking about me, but that was okay. And I can’t wear a watch at all anymore, I keep killing them over and over. It doesn’t matter how many times I change the battery, they will not work at all, the magnetic energy keeps jamming them. And sometimes if I’m with certain people street lights start turning off.

I know some people tried to follow me around to intimidate me, but I think I had scary eyes that day because I knew exactly what they were doing and just turned and smirked at them and they drove off in a panic. They were sort of malevolent people, I mean they had a ridiculously high tech car, I have never seen so many instrument panels in a car. And they were so ridiculously transparent.

The thing is the energy keeps running up and down because now it’s clearing old stuff that was left in my body, and that looks intense too. Sometimes I start spasming and jerking up and down uncontrollably, like a seizure but not, I can feel this crazy power running up and down my spine. And I do see old things get thrown out from my root on up, it’s wild. I’m trying to avoid being trapped in one feeling forever, although the in love feeling was like a whole day of just laying around going “Woah!” I couldn’t really move much when that started. The sex part really is intense, but that can become a trap too. Not to say you shouldn’t have sex, just that there’s this point where you might be tempted to just have sex and that is it. I mean, so many pitfalls! It’s crazy. There’s another pitfall right now of being too tied in with the news that is being reported, because NOW the really scary news starts coming out, and it can trap people in a kind of blood lust. I get it, I know why. But it’s a trap too, although it is useful in that finally citizens aren’t going to take it anymore. I would hate to be someone in any kind of power structure right now, because it’s a really vulnerable place to be in, I mean if you have secrets they are coming out whether you tell them or not, even if that secret is being used against you. So that is weird. People are being judged right now on how they deal with this, and not just by me, by EVERYONE. Judgment was never a one person thing, it has always belonged to the people.

Anyway, yes, there you have it, that’s what’s been going on. I’m walking at least two hours a day now, my feet are not used to it which is hard, but it’s going okay. I’m noticing people start to see me, I mean, the real me, and that’s interesting because some people are terrified and then some are just so relieved. It’s the ones who are relieved that make me happy. And there was a little kid the other day who gave me this great smile, like he totally knew what was up. That’s the thing, spiritually it’s also delocal, so even people NOT online are feeling something. There are a number of knots that can be so painful they can drive people to suicide, I mean seriously, if you feel suicidal you have to hang on and have faith, because the suicide thing isn’t working anymore. It’s an old feeling of needing to sacrifice yourself for the greater good. We need you here.

Anyway, my dad is coming in today, which is good, because I had no idea how to start talking to him. I know he hates it when I call him dad though, so I guess I will call him Edward because that is more comfortable for him.

Full of Grease!

I spent all evening at my Aunt Beth’s ordination into the Anglican Church. Next she becomes a priest. It was pretty interesting, all kinds of stuff about her being called to serve the Lord and that, we all got sprinkled with holy water, did communion, sang a bunch of hymns. That makes three ordained ministers in the family now. When my Grampa went to school Indians were only allowed to be nurses or ministers, so that’s what he did. He’s finished translating the entire Bible into Plains Cree. We were going to give him some other religious text just to keep him busy, but I think he’s done. He’s always getting me to reinstall his Cree fonts. For the love of God, someone make Cree syllabics in a Mac compatible font! I cannot install HelviCree at all, it doesn’t work.

It was nice being around all the churchy folk, they seemed upbeat and calm. And Aunt Beth finally got to put on her clerical collar, which was cool. I got to see all my cousins and that. Poor miss Spenny got freaked out by aliens at Christmas this past year and refused to let her sister unplug the Christmas tree lights. I don’t know why she thought that would keep away aliens. Like, what, is she going to walk around with a fully lit Christmas tree at all times? I understand the impulse though. And my cuz D is coming back to town soon, which is nice, I miss her. She’s ridiculously funny AND sincere and open minded, which are nice things. She makes me laugh. One time we were on drugs and she sat in front of a door for two hours saying “This is better than the Galaxy!” The Galaxy is Saskatoon’s cineplex. And then she told a lampshade to fuck off. I mean, too cute! Nah, she’s cool, she’s had all kinds of interesting adventures.

Once in Preston’s house when he had all those poltergeists her shoe ended up at the bottom of the stairs and we were so terrified something had come along with it that we smudged her shoe when we got home. Yes, we smudged a shoe! I mean, you can’t be too careful these days.

And I still have nothing to wear to Cindy and Megan’s wedding, and it’s so soon! Crap. Anyway, this was kind of a silly post, but that’s what I was up to tonight.

Democratic Process

It’s easy for me to just sit around saying how we should all listen to each other without putting my money where my mouth is, although I have no money. So I have opened the floor of this blog to twelve other people who I know, to write about how to change the world or things they have noticed or whatever. I will let them introduce themselves if they choose to. I don’t know how many will take me up on the offer, but I am terribly curious and I do need a break. I’ll still write, but I am so tired of being the only one here. So here they are, whatever they say I’m sure will be important because they all have interesting stories behind themselves. They can fill in the gaps that I have missed.

Rewrites

There’s this rewritten history okay. Like people assume that the Jews didn’t know that they were going to be gassed, like they just wandered into a shower room. They always knew. They knew what was happening to them. But they didn’t know how to stop it. Do you know what they did on their way to the gas chambers? They would start saying their prayer for their Messiah. All the way on the long walk they would sing that prayer. And they tore up all the money they had with them on the way so that it wouldn’t fall into the hands of the Nazis. All the way, tearing up their bills and calling for their Messiah.

Your messiahs have never left you, they have always been there going through the exact same thing. You just didn’t notice. And there isn’t just two, there are thousands of them right now, all wondering how the hell to stop it. They don’t tell you who they are because they know what happens to prophets in this day and age.

Once I had a dream I stole Paul Bernardo’s car. And I was driving around in this black Lexus and suddenly I was like “Fuck! Of all the cars to steal! He’s going to kill me.” And who knows, maybe he will, but what a way to go!

I know I seem disappointed in a lot of people, but really I do get it, I know how this whole thing works. And I don’t see anything wrong with power structures as long as people know what is up with them and how they can work properly. Otherwise you do end up with bizarre shit happening. I mean the walking dead and aliens! That is just outre. But whatever works man.

Life is beautiful okay, it is a stunningly gorgeous thing. And love is always beautiful, no matter who it is between. We’re all different, but that’s a cool thing, who would want us to be all exactly the same? That’s far too difficult. And people always make mistakes because people are faillable, that’s just part of the human condition.

And your children, pretty much all of them are gifted right now, which is why they’re acting all funny. I mean, they are here to heal their parents, that’s intense! And they keep being given all these drugs to stop acting oddly and people keep talking about what is age appropriate and you just don’t know anymore. Some of these kids are so ancient, you would not believe it.