Ha ha it’s not just a day, it’s a life!

Seriously tho, for a long time I have identified as being very gender fluid and moving back and forth between male and female and it is confusing sometimes. And as a Two Spirit person, I’ve been able to feel myself part of a label that fits because Two Spirit is so all-encompassing. BUT this male/female thing I’ve got going on is getting more prominent because I really don’t feel I can claim one side or the other entirely, solely. I mean, I can’t pick a side, I like both too much. So I am starting to id more as Bigender. Which also explains why I’ve dated so many bisexual women. And it’s making me question AGAIN if I am allowed to id as Lesbian. Because Lesbian really does seem to fit me sometimes. At least half the time! I’m only ever into women romantically.

But here is where it gets tricky. What does it mean if someone is attracted to the male parts of me? I mean, obviously this is all complicated by the fact that I have a VERY female body, and I’m not inclined to go for hormones or surgery to change it. HOWEVER that is kind of a lie because I did get an ablation, and while part of the reason was because I had such massive bleeding when I had periods that I was constantly anemic and had awful cramping, another part was possibly some gender dysphoria. Either way, I do not regret getting rid of my period. It’s given me a kind of freedom and relief to not have it anymore.

But back to this confusing sexuality thing. What does it mean for someone to fall in love with someone who is bigender? Especially if that person has identified as someone with a monosexuality? I know monosexual is a loaded term (and often used against Lesbians) but for the purposes of this question I am wondering if someone is allowed to keep their Straight or Lesbian card and still date a Bigendered individual?

Honestly though I guess it comes down to the person who has fallen in love or lust or whatever to decide. I actually don’t mind dating someone who doesn’t id as bisexual. I don’t feel like it’s a slight against my strange gender(s). I can see how other people might see it differently though.

I found my packer the other day. I’m wondering if I should wear it out. Dick on the town! But also I don’t have a good way of securing it and it has been known to fall down my pant leg. Also it’s kind of a size queen packer, and I actually wish it was smaller and more realistic. Also I have been doing my nail polish again these last few months. It’s been nice! I don’t regard it as being particularly a male OR female expression though. I think more dudes should rock nail polish.

I’ve been wearing more pink the last few years. Right now my hair is pink and turquoise. There’s been some push back against androgynous people having to be masculine (esp. AFAB people). I relate to that. I’m kind of liking these little feminine traits I have developed the last few years like carrying a purse and wearing pink and nail polish and having super girly bras. I like mixing them in with doc martens and boy leather jacket and other more masculine presentations.

But the whole sexuality thing follows, if I am a Lesbian half the time when I feel like a woman who loves women, then obviously the inverse is true and sometimes I am a Straight Man when I am a man who loves women. And accepting my inner straight man is really fucking hard, I think because cis-het men can be so odious! And it’s just based on life experience being a female presenting person that I understand how crappy cis-het men can be. And I don’t want to be one of those men when I am clocking Straight Man hours in my regular day.

Which is ALSO funny because obviously I am not ever going to be a cis-het man.

So I guess it’s a crisis in my masculinity, how can I be male and also not an asshole? And how does this work when some/most of the time I am a woman anyway? And do I get to keep my Lesbian card?

Those are the questions on my mind this Gender Fucky Day.

By the way I still use She/Her/Hers pronouns in case you are curious. But They/Them/Theirs is also acceptable.

I have a tumblr, but I barely post anything on there that is actually originally mine. Anyway, I saw this great post there a while back about how self care isn’t like, sitting in your filth watching anime and eating four pounds of chocolate (tailor this to your interests!) but is actually doing REAL things like cleaning your apartment, doing the masses of dishes, calling your doctor, etc. And it’s really true.

So I’ve been doing self care things. I picked up trash (mostly turtles wrappers and chewed up kleenexes), swept and washed the floors, and did the dishes today. Tomorrow I’m going to take out my garbage. I’ve got an appointment with my doctor at the end of the month. I’m still working towards acquiring a job, which means cover letters and constantly tailoring my resume. I’m taking iron again, because I quit for two and a half months when I didn’t have refills anymore and I am suspicious it finally caught up to me in the sads.

I also mailed in my tax return, took documents to welfare, and dropped off my subsidy application.

I’m looking forward to summer. I want to grow things on my sun porch. I’m going to buy a Mexican strawberry pot and plant things in it. Possibly strawberries although I was also thinking herbs. I want to have a hanging basket of flowers. They are such little things but they would make me feel happy.

I heard Stats Canada was calling my references, so that’s encouraging!

Someone told me about a teaching job that I am going to apply for. I know the subject really well, my only trouble is not having teaching experience in an academic setting.

I have a secret! But everyone close to me knows about it. But I can’t talk about it online! Unless something radical happens with it. Secrets of the heart!

The dogs are doing well. Posey was chilly today so I had her wearing her sweater like a nerd. I tried to have a nap this afternoon but I couldn’t.

I helped my friend Emmy shoot a video today! And she paid me with an HD flip video camera! It’s just this cute little video camera and it imports super easy into a computer. So that’s handy! I may have cleaned the house just so I can make a video of my dogs.

I need to write a letter to my Grandpa. He’s deaf, and recently he has also lost his passwords to his email and facebook. So there aren’t a lot of easy ways to get a hold of him.

I’m sleepy! And it’s late! I should go to sleep!

My welfare is supposed to come today. I wonder when?? I need to buy groceries, and contact lens solution, and dog food!

I have a hellacious amount of paper work that I am now nearly done in order to keep existing in this capitalist system. For one, I have finally FINALLY finished my taxes! And I came out not owing very much money. I mean, one decent paycheque and I could pay it off. It’s a lot more manageable than my first few goes at my taxes for last year. ALSO Because I have finished my taxes, I can now finish my rental subsidy application. AND Because I have finally applied for Ontario Works (sigh!) I can also add that to my rental subsidy application as my current income, since I have nothing else, no job, at the moment.

Also I printed out a bunch of things I needed for my Ontario Works application, my bank statements and proof I am not on Student Loans anymore (I am really so annoyed they even need proof considering it was finished at the end of August). And I have one last thing to print, my life insurance policy. The annoying thing is that I am not the policy holder. I shouldn’t have even said anything to Welfare since I actually do not have the power to cash it in, it’s my Mom’s business. But they are being real assholes about it so I have to get that in too.

I feel more positive about life today. Yesterday was so depressing. But I did get a bunch of Turtles (the chocolates) in exchange for a toilet brush and it really upped my mood today. Dealing with all this paperwork helped too.

So really, the only thing left to do is get some PDF’s from London Life emailed to me on Monday. And mail away my taxes. And drop off my rental subsidy application on Tuesday.

Next week I am getting free contact lenses! 😀 Hurrah for Bunz!

Also next week Mom will be home again and I can call her more often like usual. Which will be good because I think part of my distress this last week has been dealing with things where I can’t just call her and talk about them like I usually do throughout the day. Also just because I have bipolar and things have been shitty and I guess I was due for a mild (HA!) depression for a little bit. I really try to be positive but honestly sometimes life is just shitty.

I had a couple crappy days in a row. I don’t even know why, negative things kind of dog piled on me and I got really irritated and depressed temporarily. Yesterday I had a couple of festival rejections that just pissed me off, and normally I don’t care, and I don’t even think either of them would have seriously advanced my career. But they pissed me off anyway.

And then I was trying to shake off my intense crabbiness today, but then I got THE WORST welfare intake worker I have EVER had. Like she practically accused me of still getting student loans AND disability from Saskatchewan all at the same time right up until now and was really aggressive about things and told me I would have to move because they only give 375 a month for rent. OK lady, where in Toronto can anyone pay 375 a month for rent? Like, in a shed in someone’s backyard rooming with some raccoons? Also it would cost me 500 to move all my stuff AND not to mention first and last months rent. Man, SHE WAS THE WORST! And at certain points I just wanted to be like “That’s none of your business!” ha ha. Awww man and she didn’t even take notes well, she was writing all this stuff down on a teeny tiny post it note. SERIOUSLY! And really I am just signing up because I have no money until I get a job. Whenever that is. But I don’t want to be on welfare, it’s the worst. The only good thing is she’s just an intake worker and not my actual caseworker who I hope is not also an asshole. ALSO she is demanding a letter from my life insurance provider saying how much the cash value is of my policy. So annoying. She’s the worst, where do they find these people?

But I know it’s not her, she’s THE SYSTEM! The system sucks. And they’re gonna monitor my bank account as long as I am on welfare which also sucks. What nosey systems. Which is why I really want this to be max a two month situation. I couldn’t stand it longer than that.

So that bummed me out today. As if applying for welfare isn’t a bummer enough as it is.

But then I got to see my friends Riki and Shavonne today and we went to the farm and saw some pigs and goats and various other animals. And we had barbecue at Riki’s. And then I came home to some happy pups. Who WEREN’T barking when I came into the courtyard, so they got extra tummy rubs for being good pups. And tomorrow I go to see my psychotherapist. So that’s nice. And I’m trading a toilet brush for a chocolate bar (its brand new and I have two others). And my dog Posey is super farty right now. WHEW!

Mostly though I am looking forward to life improving. I want to grow a fuchsia in my sun porch this summer. I like fuchsias. I want to kiss someone this summer. I want to take the pups to a beach this summer. I sometimes get confused what season I am in and if winter is coming or going, but even though we had such a mild winter I am still ready for a definite summer to come along. I want A JOB this summer! Something that gives me a decent income.

Anyway, Spring is just starting, so there’s still a ways to go. And my birthday is next month. With any luck I will be working on my birthday.

As frivolous as it may sound I might take Little Mister to the groomer when I get paid. He’s getting shaggy. He needs a trim. He’s peeing on his tummy fur.

Well, I took the Census test. I think I did well. We will see! I’ve also applied for other jobs, some of which are more appealing than others. I applied for one today that would be totally awesome. I found out this job I had been told about got filled by someone who was already working for that place, SO it never got posted and I never officially got to apply! BUMMER! But it’s ok. Someone made me feel better about it so that was nice.

I have gotten more serious about my writing again. I’m SO CLOSE to being 1/3rd done my first draft of my script. I’ve been averaging 7-8 pages a day the last couple of days so it’s speeding along. And I am having fun with it. There’s more humour in it now than in the outline, which is good because it’s meant to be a comedy. I have a lot of stuff to write, there’s still the second draft of my ten webisodes for the Mars project, AND I have to finish up two short five minute scripts for my 2 Spirit Infomercials. But I’m able to squeeze writing into my daily life in a way I think I might be able to sustain when I have a full time job. So I feel good about all these tasks I have to finish for my career.

I finished Transparent, SO GOOD! Caught up again on How To Get Away With Murder, OMG! And just started Broad City right from Season One Episode One and it’s super funny so I’m gonna keep watching.

I have a friend who was awol from the internet and telephone contact for like, months. And at first I’m like “Oh yeah, she must be busy.” And then I started getting concerned! And then I’m like “Oh my god, is she in a pit in someone’s basement rubbing lotion on her skin???” So I used EVERY method of contacting her that I had, and after a few days of still nothing I was wondering if I should get my friend Shavonne who lives in the same city to swing by her place and knock on the door. BUT THEN she got back to me! And we’ve had a TWO HOUR phone call catching up on everything AND discussing in detail The Duke Of Burgundy, The Revenant, and Anomalisa. Mostly the Duke of Burgundy tho. AND ALSO shared some lengthy emails back and forth after that continuing to talk about crushes and tv shows and stuff. So it’s been really nice! I’m glad she still exists and that we can communicate again!

OH I’ve been telling everyone about BUNZ Trading Zone, because I finally did my first Bunz trade. I traded two transit tokens for a big Troll doll, a troll keychain, and a troll pencil topper! Finally I can go to Bingo! I bought a bingo scratch and win just on the off chance it would make me lucky, but I lost so I am going back to my scratchy-sobriety. I only let myself buy 649 and Lotto Max tickets now. Gambling harm reduction. Bunz is like, a big bartering group on Facebook for people in Toronto. I’ve belonged to it for a while but this was my first trade on it. So yay! Not a Bunz virgin anymore!

I was working on my taxes and it was very Up and Down. I seem to be owing money this year. Like, 2000 dollars. Maybe a little more. But my friend Irene pointed out with how much I made I would actually be owing almost twice as much if it wasn’t for all my deductions. So I feel better about it. And I know money will come my way again. It’s not so bad.

I need to get my taxes done soon for this subsidy I could get for my apartment. I wish I had a more reliable income. I don’t even want to talk about my money situation because someone (Werner Herzog?) said “Despair should be kept private and brief.”

So my financial despair will be kept as private as I can!

I don’t want to talk about the crappy things that aren’t going my way. Like finding (or not finding) a dumbass job. OK in case a potential employer googles me and finds this, I KNOW jobs aren’t dumbass and I could be a really good worker given the chance. I just think jobs that are elusive are dumbass because they are elusive. It’s simple broke bitterness I tells ya!

Although I have gotten some further questions from someone who wants me to apply for a really sweet short term job in the near future. So I am not hopeless just yet!

But seriously, I have been watching a lot of television dramas. I finally got caught up with How To Get Away With Murder, and I am half way through the second season of Transparent. A friend is sharing her Shomi account with me so I am finally checking it out and seeing if my family would be interested in investing in a new streaming service. Steven, Mom, and I still share a Netflix account, and now we have started to include Deanna, my other cousin. We are getting our money’s worth I think! But basically Transparent is not on Netflix and it is on Shomi which is the main reason I am checking it out. Also I have heard good things about Jane the Virgin.

++++++++++++++++++ THE NEXT DAY +++++++++++++++++

Sometimes I start a blog post and then I get all sleepy and go to bed like humans are known to do. Which is what happened yesterday.

Anyway, today I went to Timmies to get a roll up the rim cup because it’s a mild gambling thing and you for sure get a coffee. Walking back home I was listening to tunes on my iPhone and I got a call from a 416 number. It was the government calling me about my application to work for the Census! So I answered a bunch of questions and basically I have a test on Friday at 2pm. It’s actually for one of the full time positions. I was kind of flabbergasted to get my first call back about a job, so I feel like I have more questions for them. And it’s only a temporary job, BUT they were interested in possibly hiring me in a supervisory position. Which would be really awesome!

The funny thing is this would be the same time as another job which is going to be posted soon, so I would be working two jobs (but one has way shorter hours and responsibilities and would be a shorter amount of time). BUT ALSO I would make a pretty decent amount of money in a short time which I could live on for the rest of the summer and I dunno, somehow I think I could do it!

It has to be said tho, I don’t OFFICIALLY have any of these jobs yet. But what if I did! It would be really nice to be recognized as someone who could be a good worker. I haven’t had a full time job in a long time, I did do full time University though last year. Which I somehow survived. OH MANS!

I’m not exactly sure when this Census job starts though, it might be a couple months off still. I know for sure the Census starts in May. I don’t know if they train us before then. I looked at the sample test on their website and I got all the answers right, so I feel positive about my chances.

My psychic said I would be in a position where there are two jobs I interview for and one is my dream job and the other one is just a good job that I get an offer for (and both are contract gigs) and I have to decide if I am going to hold off until I hear back from the dream job. So we’ll see.

OH YEAH! My psychic reading was awesome. I heard some very encouraging things about my future love life and things that might be going on now with someone she really liked. I found out I would be financially stable in the not too distant future but it’s going to be a few weeks before I get call backs (but mind you the reading was a few weeks ago and a call back has already happened!). I found out I am gonna have two kids with a partner! One is a five year old boy with light brown hair with copper in it and he’s an interesting kid, and then someone comes after. She didn’t see the little boy as a baby though, so she thinks he shows up in my life as a five year old. And the partner and I are really good together, she saw maybe a few relationships before then. And I only have one dog when I get my kids, so I guess it’s after Little Mister’s era. He will be eleventy in May, so hopefully he’s around at least four more years! I hope so!

OH! And I asked about doing a PhD, and she said something really sensible which is that it would postpone my creative projects. And considering how long a PhD takes, I kind of lean towards not wanting to postpone everything for that long. So it was a good viewpoint to see.

My Student Loans are up for repayment on March 1st. I have a repayment assistance application in, so hopefully I get some interest taken off for a while. I still don’t want to let them go into default just IN CASE I change my mind about higher education someday. Because you never know.

Oh yeah, anyway I was all happy about this job call back, but I didn’t win on roll up the rim. Which is okay really, because at least I have gotten a free coffee and a free donut this year.

So grant money is running low and I gotta spend some still on renting equipment for my shoots in April. And rent money is coming out soon! Scary shit man! Money is in need indeed!

So I’ve been cruising the want ads, sending in resumes and cover letters and references and I have lost track of how many jobs I have applied to. At least six, if not more. Probably more than that. OMG I just checked that’s all I have applied for! NO WAIT! I think I applied for seven. OK no it was nine actually. I know I know, I should spread my net wider. I’m trying for jobs I would be good at. Today I applied for my dream job! Which I am not gonna tell you anything about!

Artist fees are supposed to come this month, that’s something to look forward to!

Little Mister is doing awesome, he’s a happy guy. Posey is likewise also doing awesome. She’s being adorbs. My bratty dog-children!

I don’t want to get pooh poohed for this (but really who reads this anyway?) But I am getting a reading from my favourite psychic Barb Mather soon! LIKE, in a week! 😀 That’s a smiley face cause I am excited! I’m paying for it with the refund I got from my Nina Hagen tickets which got cancelled. I think it’s appropriate! It’s been four years since the last one. I want to know about my career, love, if I am gonna go back to school AGAIN, and if I am gonna have kids or not. I always get these readings when I am at a real crossroads in my life.

There’s a big opportunity I am applying for this spring too. I’m nervous, cause I only get one chance. But my script is as ready as it’s ever gonna be and I want to see if I can get some help. SOOOO I will let you know if I fail or get a great opportunity.

I’ve been breaking even on the ratio of rejections to interest in my newest video. Surprisingly I have actually been approached to screen it more than I have in the past. I’m also fast discovering that international interest isn’t really there in countries that don’t have Indigenous populations. They just don’t get/care about 2 Spirit issues. SO I am redirecting my submissions to North American queer festivals and Native festivals. I know where I’m not wanted! Ha ha ha.

I’m sure I have some more rejections coming down the pipe!

I am supremely enjoying my apartment. I love it more every day. I think in the spring I’m gonna try and spend more time on my sun porch. I finally put my rug down. I’m hoping it works to reduce noise for the downstairs tenant.

I think I am ready to have a full time job. I’ve been building up to it. I did full time school. And I graduated! So surely I can do a job again. I was getting disability back in Saskatoon, but also I was dealing with a lot of health concerns back then. And I’ve been good for a long time now.

My dream jobs I’ve been applying for are contract jobs. I’m mostly concerned with getting some good skills and references and to see that I can do a good job. Maybe they will hire me permanently if I do well. We’ll see.

Anyway, everyday I write, look for work, and watch tv. I’ve gotten hardcore into How To Get Away With Murder. I haven’t been obsessed with a tv show in a long time, so it’s fun.

So I didn’t want to write another post until Little Mister and I went to the vet. This afternoon we got on a streetcar and went to our vet. She loves Little Mister but he hides his snout in my armpit and looks away a lot hoping she will forget about him. Anyway, she gave him a good looking over and a rabies shot and then she checked out his lump. She said it sounds and feels like a lipoma, which is a fatty tumour. Basically a blob of fat under his skin. She didn’t think it was anything to worry about, she measured it for his file so we can keep an eye on it in case things change.
She could have done a needle aspirate on it to be sure, but I felt confident in her diagnosis and asked her if there are things I should keep an eye out for. She says if he starts to scratch or nibble at it, if it bothers him, if it hardens, or loses fur on it, or grows rapidly, then we can worry about it. OH or if it get scabby. So it’s really fine. She said a lot of dogs get them and they generally never go away without surgery, but if it’s not bothering him not to worry about it. They are benign.

SO I AM GLAD! Whew! Little Mister wagged his tail all the way down the hall when we left the vet’s office. He was happy to go home. Right now he is sleeping next to me. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about him anymore. I mean, not more than usual concerns for his daily health and wellbeing.

Posey was very sad to be left behind. I need to take her on a long walk tomorrow.

I found out today that 2 Spirit Introductory Special $19.99 is screening in Auckland, New Zealand in February! So cool! I hope they enjoy it!

This evening I went over to my friend Riki’s and we watched the X Files and ate Chicken Noodle soup! Her dog Grady is adorable. He was standing around grumbling and she knows what he is grumbling about. Like one time he was grumbling cause he wanted to go to bed, another time he was grumbling for chips.

We watched the beginning of The Danish Girl. I wasn’t very into it. I am probably biased though from reading so many bad reviews from transwomen.

I came home and Little Mister gave me lots of kisses, then I watched La Loche news on CBC, then I noticed he was asleep on my purse so I took us all to bed.

I guess I should mention La Loche. For those not in the know, there was a school shooting there last Friday. It was in the High School building, but the elementary school building was put on lockdown when it happened. My nephew goes to the elementary school but had been sent home because he acted out at school. Anyway, I’ve basically been watching CBC News non-stop since then. Mom and Steven (Kristjan’s Dad) have been super worried and tomorrow they are finally driving up to pick him up and bring him to Saskatoon until his school opens again.

All the news reports have terrible things to say about the state of La Loche even before the shooting. It sounds pretty bleak. Today I heard the boy who was the shooter was being bullied. I remember being bullied in a small town. It’s pretty brutal. I felt like I had very few options. And none of my teachers cared.

Anyway, it’s been a few wild days. But today was a good day, because Little Mister is gonna be ok. And he’s such a sweet and special guy, I’m glad I’m gonna have him a while longer!

I got paid again! Just in time too, because I’m currently paranoid about a lump on Little Mister which seems to be getting bigger. I googled “Fatty tumours dogs” and “How much does it cost to remove a tumour on a dog” and suffice it to say I am nervous as all hell and calling the vet tomorrow as soon as I wake up.

Of course I ALSO happen to have a doctor’s appointment for myself tomorrow, and since she is only giving me 2 months of prescriptions at a time I am running out of some stuff, like my CRUCIAL epival (mood stabilizer that works better for me than lithium), and need to go see her. ALSO I have to pay my deposit for my new glasses by the end of the week. So probably when I call the vet they will want him to come in tomorrow, because not only does he need a rabies shot and his general check up, lumps need to be checked out. Lump. He only has one lump.

And PROBABLY the lump is just a fatty mass. But it is growing which freaks me out. And the little dude is turning 11 in May, which is SUPER OLD! I’ve never had a pet besides my sisters cat for this long. He’s totally unconcerned with anything. He still runs around wagging his tail at any and everything. Barks like a jerkface and when I tell him off he grumbles at me like usual. Rushes to eat as much of his food as he can so he can waddle over to Posey’s dish and eat her leftovers. Snuggles in bed, like right now when he is laying against my leg snoozing. It’s just he’s such a good natured good hearted little beast, and the last dog I had that was so easy going and sweet was my Golden Retriever, Wesley and he died of cancer really young actually.

And I don’t know what I would do without Little Mister. I am aware that like all beings he is gonna die someday. And that’s just a fact of life. I just want him to be one of those impressively old mini dachshunds. One of those like, 18 year old Old Sage dachshunds that other dachshunds come up to to ask advice. And really he probably will be. I’m just fretting.

Anyway, tomorrow I will find out. He’s been a very expensive little dog this last year. He had that back flare up thing in the late winter last year, got his teeth cleaned and pulled this fall, and now he needs MORE vet care which could involve surgery if his mass is cancerous. AHHHHH! But he’s worth it, cause he is such a loving little beastie.

Besides Little Mister’s lump, things are going ok. I didn’t get my OAC grant, which is REALLY too bad, so I am looking for employment. Just a contract job would tide me over. I’m applying for a teaching job but that wouldn’t be until May, so I need something between now and then. I’ve applied for at least three or four jobs in the last week. All of them I would be awesome at. I have a hard time selling myself I think. I’ve been raised to be modest so being all shouty about how awesome I am doesn’t come naturally. But for gods sakes I would be awesome!

I think artist fees come next month. That’s also something to look forward to, because I think I got a sale. I found out one show I was supposed to be in in March fell through because they didn’t get funding, BUT I also got an email asking for a screener of a film for a festival in the States. So you win some lose some.

I worked on my outline for my script for the first time in a long time! It was really good, I think I solved all the immediate story needs I needed to satisfy. I’m going to work on it more, but I think soon I will be able to actually write the script. And then I would be on time! I really want to get it done in time so I can apply for another grant. I don’t want to spend 4 years working on it and not be eligible because I can’t do a final report.

So, pups and careers. We went on a nice walk today actually, I used mushers secret on their paws for the first time and the salt on the sidewalks and roads didn’t bother them so much. I actually think it’s kind of criminal how much Toronto loves salt. It’s so bad for dogs, cause they lick their paws and it can be toxic. I always wipe their paws when we come inside, but I can’t get ALL the salt. And really it’s ridiculous, streets will just be WHITE and powdery they are so salty. There’s more salt than snow out there right now!

So I guess I will write about all the things that happened to me this past year.

OK, not all the things. Some of them I just don’t remember so well, and some I don’t want to remember.

I finished a masters of arts in media production! I wrote a feature film script! I learned a lot of things. I moved into a co-op and fell in love with my new neighbourhood, Cabbagetown. I made some new friends. I scratched some scratch and wins and won and lost and won and lost.

I saw a falcon at the Necropolis where I take my pups for a walk every day. It was big, and didn’t eat my dogs thank god!

I finally got to read an academic essay written about my work, in particular my video Boi Oh Boi, and it made me feel validated, especially since a lot of people don’t really ‘get’ Boi Oh Boi. I will post a link to that soon!

I went to Paris with Mom, who complained about a lot of things, and we saw trios of soldiers armed with automatic weapons patrolling various places. And 11 days after we got home the big terrorist attack happened there. Which explained all the soldiers.

I went to Manitoulin Island and mentored some aboriginal female youth in making Super 8 films at Weengushk Film Institute with Female Eye Film Festival. It was fun and good and the films so far are turning out awesome.

I got a residency at Charles Street Video with ImagineNATIVE and made a short called “2 Spirit Introductory Special $19.99” and it has screened at ImagineNATIVE and it’s screening in San Francisco and Palm Springs next year.

Next year is a day away! Less than that!

I told a crush I liked her but she wasn’t interested. I got another crush who probably knows I like her but I haven’t said anything. I have probably blushed though. I DID NOT get into a romantic relationship this past year. But that’s ok, because it’s nothing new.

I spent a lot of time with my mother the last few months, I saw her here in Saskatoon for two weeks in September, we went to Paris together, she came to Toronto for a week when I graduated and screened my video. And now I am here again for the next 12 days and previous couple of weeks for the holidays. And when I get back I won’t see her for months again.

I got a Canada Council grant to write a screenplay about addictions at Christmas!

I got a Toronto Art Council grant to make two more 2 Spirit videos!

I’m waiting to hear from Ontario Art Council!

I’m still trying to find the ultimate part time job that will let me make a decent income AND be a mostly full time artist. I’ve been working on getting some teaching jobs, so far nothing, BUT I have some hopes for the future!

Overall 2015 was a good year for me! I have a Masters! New work! A screenplay! Some money! Things could get even more awesome next year. I am still looking for a producer for my script. I got turned down for the Berlinale Talent Lab Script Station BUT they said I showed promise and should apply again next year. Also I did the application kinda half-assed because I was running short of time and not thinking things through.

So I guess I can’t complain. Life was mostly good to me. It’s been over a year since Grandma died, and that has been hard, and I still want to talk about her like she is still alive. I have dreams about her.

Aside from that, I am just getting more comfortable being with myself and the dogs in our own place. The dogs are nice roommates. A bit barky tho.