Something exciting is developing. Last week I got a call from the co-op I applied to and am on the waiting list for that a one bedroom came available. It’s only two thirds of the rent I am paying now, and much more my size. I went to see it on Thursday. It’s beautiful. Nice and sunny, lots of greenspace around. The floors are nice and there’s a balcony and it comes with basic cable. It’s an upper suite, and has a gas stove and a clawfoot bathtub.

They said they would get back to me on Friday, but I didn’t hear anything until the evening when I got an email saying they would be back in the office on Tuesday and be able to tell me about availability and paperwork that morning. SO I’ve been anxiously waiting all weekend. And all day tomorrow. I don’t know for sure if I have it yet, but the fact that they mentioned paperwork is encouraging.

So I am waiting.

I haven’t heard about grant results yet. Nervewracking!

And my damned personal credits haven’t been deposited to my account yet, so I can’t get a refund yet either. I don’t know who to call now because it’s not the responsibility of the personal credits people, now it’s the trustee at the government’s job. BUT also yesterday it was supposed to have been issued for sure, because they only have 30 days to issue it. So it had better arrive this week.

Probably when I get them I will be using most of it to pay movers and first and last months rent. So I’m not gonna be able to have a lot of fun with them. Also Posey is due for her shots. Poor Pose! She hates the vet.

Today at around 4pm I submitted my finished supporting paper. The last thing I have to do is a 20 minute oral presentation on the 23rd. But I’M DONE! I made it! And I only needed a day extension!
I also got my Sasktel cheque today! I sent some to my landlady and got some fruit, chocolate, tarts, wet dog food, and special dog treats. And I got a five dollar scratch and win and won 27 dollars! 😀

Things are looking up!

I just have to get through the next week until more money starts coming in, like those Personal Credits. And I don’t know when I will hear about the grant. I’m nervous. I hate that I always really need it and often it doesn’t happen. I don’t want to go on ODSP because there’s no way it will cover even my rent and utilities and they watch your bank account to make sure you don’t access any other money. So it’s either a grant or a job. Or both. Yikes!

BUT more money is coming in August also from a gig I am doing. AND I get artist fees then. So I won’t starve, at least not this summer. By September I for sure need a steady income though!

But for now, I am just going to feel satisfied that I completed my program. It’s a good feeling to be able to finish a degree! And especially being a full time student after a long period of self employment with not very steady income. Whew! It was really stressful, especially the first semester when I was having such a hard time getting my student loans sorted out! I was so poor! Well, I’m still poor really. But that’s ok!

The pups are relaxing and I think I should take them for a walk before the sun goes down.

Oh man, my money is still so far away! >:( Personal Credits aren’t deposited to my account yet. I was hoping they would come a little earlier, but it looks like they are going to do it at the very last second. I didn’t get my GST today like I thought I would, which was super disappointing. I kept looking online to figure out what was going on with it, and it just said N/A. What does that even mean???? Not applicable? But I’m sure I am eligible. They did say I am getting an Ontario Trilium Benefit of 212.69 on the 10th. So that’s encouraging. And my phone company is sending my cheque, eventually. I hope.
But that’s just money stuff. I haven’t heard about my grant yet, and I checked and last time I applied for a grant I didn’t hear till July 14th. So I might have to wait a while.
Nothing on the job front.
OH! But my script is “done” and by done I mean I have it polished up and it’s been submitted to my advisor and second reader. I am going to be doing the rest of my supporting paper today and tomorrow. I didn’t work on it all afternoon. BUT that is okay. It will get finished!
I have to write 10 more pages. I’m worried I’m not being academic enough, but actually maybe it is okay. I am just gonna write from the heart about my project.
I don’t know if I know what my research question was though. I think I wrote it down somewhere so I am checking all my old stuff, power points, notes, etc.
I’m so close to being done! It’s within my grasp! UGH!
I spent some of my last dollars on a celebratory big mac meal. But I think I’m gonna go buy an onion now and try to make some casserole for supper.

I called the Personal Credits office last week and was told that on June 11th they finally approved them and sent off the request to the trustee to write a cheque! SOOOOO By July 11th they should arrive at my school, and a week or so after that I can get a refund! It’s a ways away. BUT it is in sight! AND really it could happen sooner! So that’s good!
Also I called my old phone company and found out I’m getting a 300 dollar credit back! Which is good! BUT it’s gonna be four to six weeks before I get it. Which seems like a really long time!
I should be hearing about my grant in the first week of July! And then it will be about two weeks from then IF I get it that I can get a direct deposit.
I guess what I am trying to say is that my money is all enroute (although the grant is totally unknown at this point) and it’s gonna get here. It’s just taking a while.
I’m really nervous about this grant. IF I don’t get it I’m gonna have to find a job. And I’ve been looking and applying, but no bites yet. It’s a little nervewracking. I’ve been in this situation and been disappointed so many times. But before I had more of a safety net, whereas this time I am going to be getting my last student loan deposit in August. Yikes!
Mom is currently in Lethbridge doing a big intensive job interview/talk/tour thing at the University. I am really hoping she gets it. Things are lining up for her really well right now, the terrible horrible neighbors that drove her property values down last time she tried to sell her house are moving, so it might be that she can sell it a lot easier!
Aside from that, I’ve been diligently working on my script. It’s pretty tight. BUT it’s about 14 pages shorter than the goal. Still, I’m at this point where I feel like I don’t want to add any useless filler. I sent it to my cousin Deanna and she loved it, so that makes me feel good. I sent the third draft to my advisor and second reader last night. I haven’t heard back from either of them yet, but my advisor usually does really good notes.
********later*********
I got an email from a job I applied for that I really want! It’s for a Videographer/Editor and they wanted to see some video samples so I sent them links to four of my videos on Vimeo! 😀 EEEEEEE OMG PLEEZ let them want an interview!
Mom and I talked briefly on chat about her day, she said it was gruelling but her power was dying before she could say much more! Either way she is going for supper with them and I really hope it’s a good sign! 😀

I read my tarot cards today, Death came up, and The Wheel of Fortune, and some other ones indicating a cycle is over and a new one starting. Which I am assuming means the end of my masters program, which is IN SIGHT! I sent in my latest draft to my advisor and second reader, and I’m gonna work on it some more. It is still 25 pages shy of my goal. BUT I feel a lot better about it.

I am thinking about ways I need to change my life, like getting more active with the dogs, and trying to work on strength training exercises, and finding some reliable constant income coming in. I applied for another job. I’m waiting to hear about a grant. I will find out so soon! July 1st I should know! It will help me decide what to do for the future, and if I have to stress about getting another job soon. I hope I get it, because there are three weeks this summer where I need to be out of town to visit my mom and do some mentoring. Eeep!

I haven’t heard anything new about the Personal Credits, but I am hoping by Friday I can call the woman working on it and get an update.

My doctor called on Friday about my ultrasounds, but I didn’t get in touch with her in time.

The first med change has gone alright, nothing terrible has happened. Hopefully in July we can work on changing another medication to a newer one. A better one!

I’m being drawn to working out more. I could go to the school’s gym if I wanted, but I think I might start out with walking the dogs more and exercising at home. I don’t really want to lose weight, but I do want more muscles, especially in my arms.

Ahhhh, what else? I am excited about life and it’s changes, I am ready to begin a new cycle and walk away from old behaviours!

Those are lovely words. LOL.

Today I had to go get a pelvic and a transvaginal ultrasound to check out what it happening with my uterus and ovaries, because one ovary has a mass on it that is 8.5 cm wide or tall or whatever. And truthfully it has been there a while but my last doctor wasn’t concerned. Maybe it’s bigger now.
Anyway, I have had lots of pelvic ultrasounds before, so that wasn’t new. But I hadn’t ever had a transvaginal ultrasound. That’s when they stick this wand in your vagina (I don’t know what else to call it!) and move it around looking for things.
So the pelvic ultrasound was uncomfortable, because I really had to pee (they like you to have a full bladder when you do it). Then the technician (or whatever she’s called) told me to go pee and then come back to lay on this wedge with my bum in the air.
Then the transvaginal ultrasound happened. And I was trying not to think of anything. While this woman has this lubed up thing in my vagina. And I was making patterns in my head of the dots in the ceiling tiles. “That spells Giraffe.” Look over at another set of spots. “That spells vag. Oh.” It’s really hard not to think about it while someone is moving a stick around your vagina.
Finally it was done! And I had another pee and went on a bunch of buses home.

Then I went on a bus and a streetcar to my Member of Parliament’s office. Which has nothing to do with the ultrasounds.
I had to go to sign a consent form so they could look into my personal credits and see how to hurry things up. Because I need it to live!

I’m trying to sell my boots. Someone’s buying them but not until Sunday, which is a while away. I have maybe 50 cents until then! And lots of fresh eggs.
L7 is coming, but I don’t have enough to go yet. 🙁

I’m starting to realize, at 37, that I am most likely demisexual. Which is when you need to have some emotional intimacy with someone before having sexual attraction happen. I mean, I can just feel attracted sometimes, but honestly it doesn’t really ramp up unless I have spent time and chatted with them for a while. Sometimes I don’t even know if I am gonna have a crush on someone until we are friends and then suddenly I realize I like them.
But there are exceptions I guess.
What I really mean is, Tinder sucks, OKCupid is not good enough, and I need to make some more friends.

So I am finally BACK AT IT, IT being my MRP which is a feature film script. I am trying DESPERATELY to get to the second draft, and I want the second draft to be 107 pages, because that is what we are aiming for and my first draft was only 53.
So today I started dipping into it and by the evening I was going at breakneck speed rewriting and revising and writing new stuff.
And then freakin’ BEDTIME is here and I have to stop.
What happens to a writer if they keep writing?
I really do have to stop for the night though because I am seeing my doctor tomorrow morning and she is hopefully going to put me on new medications. Because honestly 8 years of risperidone is enough. Not that it’s not working, but the consulting psychiatrist says there is newer stuff that is better for depression.
I think my writing is going well though. Like, I think I can finish all the rewriting tomorrow, and then get into writing new scenes here and there. AND then hopefully push it up to 107 pages by Thursday. There are some things I have to go back and fix.
The deadline for the final thing is July 3rd. ALSO I have to write a paper to go with it, so i gotta work on that. BLah! I should actually ask my advisor how long my paper has to be. I hope he only wants 20 pages. If it’s 30 I will feel overwhelmed.

I had my mom here for about a week! It was fun and when she left I felt sad and lonely for a while. BUT I have friends here and pups and I am ok.

One of the things she did was take me on a shopping trip to Ikea. We had hotdogs and then went through all the showrooms writing down names of various things I wanted and then got them at the end. Now my living room doesn’t look so stark!

Also she bought me a new duvet for my birthday, because my other one was ten years old and thin and cold. It was nice having her here, she watched BBC on her iPad and I took her to this bead store, BeadFX, and she beaded every night before she left. It was like being home when we used to live together.

But now I have to get back to my thesis project, because my advisor wants a second draft by Thursday. I doubt I will make that, but maybe Friday or Saturday I will have something.

I went to an event about MMIW tonight, it was good, especially listening to the families.

I’m kind of sleepy. It’s almost midnight.

I think I am ready to have a girlfriend again. I tried okcupid and tinder but I don’t really like either of those. I really don’t think I’m gonna find someone that way. But who knows!

There are some queer things happening, Inside Out is on, and Pride will be happening soon! I should really get plugged in to the community more. It’s just been school this whole first year of living here.

My lowest grade was a B, and then I got a B+, and an A-, and an A! My cumulative GPA is currently at about 3.52. Which means if I so chose I might be able to do a PhD!
However I am so done with school! I had such anxiety about not passing and having to do another semester and shell out another 3000 dollars AND get a loan for about 7000 and just digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole of debt. Oh man I wanted to cry! And I sent all these worried texts to friends and cousins and had a worried conversation with my mom.
BUT it all worked out!
SO as long as I stay on track with my thesis project I will be graduating this fall. I’m going to be defending my thesis (they prefer to call it an oral presentation) in July. SO by August 1st everything will be done! My advisor is going with some students for their RTA in LA program in August which is why I have to defend earlier. And I am pretty sure I will be ok.
I have no money! I am so poor! And it’s like, a temporary poverty, because at the end of this week money will be posted to my account. I just need to struggle long enough to make it!
I had a grilled cheese sandwich today to celebrate passing all my classes. If I had money I would have gone to the thai restaurant or something. BUT NO!! Oh well.
In July I will find out if I get a grant. I am really hoping I do! It would give me a nice leeway so that I can keep an eye out for a good job.
Posey and Little Mister are doing well. They were wrestling earlier. I should take them out soon! PUPS!
They have been making me feel better this whole past year, especially when things got rough. They are awesome cheerleaders!

So I sent in my first (very short) draft of my script to my advisor and second reader on Saturday or something and today I got notes back from my Advisor. I read them, there were a lot! I only disagree with one or two so I started working on the second draft today. It was hard! I had to replace some dialog and it needed to be flirty and I am just so bad at being flirty in real life. So I really need to stretch myself to write it.

I also added three new pages while I wrote more dialog and fixed stuff. So that made me happy. I am gonna go back over it again before I am satisfied. There are also some general notes I have to take into consideration.

But overall I am excited to be working on it! It’s been fun doing all the writing and now getting feedback.

I also got a little cold the last couple of days. It’s been pretty gross, just a runny nose/dry scratchy throat kind of thing. And now a little cough. I have been laying low hoping for it to go away.

Tomorrow I get paid! 😀 Not a lot of money, but enough to pay off a debt and get some groceries. And maybe see a movie! 😀

I’m so ready to go to sleep, and wake up to money!