I may have a place to live!  My roommate is gonna go see it and then the landlady is checking our references and stuff.  But I won’t be moving in until Sept 15th, which kinda sucks but also will be okay because I can stay with my friend Louis.  AND she knows about all our dogs.

I found out my fellowship is getting split into 3 payments over 3 semesters, which SUCKS because now I need to find money for my tuition and books.  I’m really really hoping student loans pulls through.  I had a loan I wasn’t able to pay back, which is why I am worried about it.  On the other hand it was a really really small loan and I was on disability for a long time.  So hopefully they will be compassionate and give me a loan?  I really just have to wait and see.  So frustrating!

++++++++++++++++++hours later+++++++++++++++++++++++

So I got tired of waiting to hear about my student loan and called the service centre in Saskatchewan, they told me they sent me a letter on the 18th saying I was rejected because of a federal restriction, BUT they gave me a phone number to this federal student loans place to see if I could get the restriction lifted.  The next phone rep gave me another number to call about getting a “loan rehabilitation” where I pay off my interest and make two payments and then I can call them back and get the restriction lifted.  SO I made another call and got yet another number which I can call tomorrow and ask about all of this.  I’m feeling really relieved, I was worried I would be banned from loans forever, instead it seems like the government is actually willing to work with people to find solutions.  Which is funny because I knew that already from my interactions with Canada Revenue Agency.  But yeah!  I actually have a chance that I can fund my schooling through traditional mainstream student loans.

It would be nice to not have to get a loan, but also I am not that worried about giving myself more debt to pay off.  It wouldn’t be anything like getting loans for a four year undergraduate program, because it’s a masters program and is only 12 months long.  Anyway, I have some hope again, and it’s making me feel a lot happier and I am losing that cry eyes feeling!

Whew!  Still, I am not out of the woods yet!  But I hope to have this all sorted by the time Friday rolls around.  One place to call tomorrow, possibly making a payment through my bank, then another phone call and then I should be all sorted!  It does mean I’m gonna have to juggle money around again, and that sucks, BUT things will work out.

So for a while I was feeling down, and like I would be in school a month and then get booted out for not paying fees and have to move back to Saskatoon or something.  Not that I would move back.  But it looks like I will be able to do school!  And who knows, maybe in January I will get off the waitlist for band funding and be able to NOT have a student loan anymore!

In bad news Posey has been eating my glasses.  🙁  What a jerky kid I have!

I’m staying with my cousin in Mississauga before September when I move to Toronto, and because of a housing situation I may have to stay somewhere else for two weeks before I can move in.  It’s all really up in the air, and we don’t know for sure where we are going to live yet.

The dogs have adjusted really well.  Posey and Little Mister were fine with the plane flight, I was a nervous wreck at the end waiting for them to come out in the oversize luggage area.  But they showed up eventually, Little Mister pooped in his kennel, but that was the only unfortunate thing.  He got a bath when we got him to the house and then they have been settling in.  Little Mister is getting better at not peeing or pooping inside.  He goes to the stairs when he needs to go out for a pee.  Posey is still having a hard time with the inside/outside thing.  But she’ll learn!  They’ve gotten along really well with Theresa’s dogs, Little Mister and Peanut the Pug have had a couple fights but Porkchop the Pomeranian has broken it up right away.  I think Porkchop is the leader of the pack.  Everyone is figuring out where in the hierarchy they fit.  Posey and Porkchop have been playing chase in the backyard.

Of course I am in Mississauga right now, so they are adjusting well now because it’s fairly similar to Saskatoon, but when we live in Toronto they are gonna have to get used to a more busy streetscene.

What else?  Oh man, tomorrow I am getting word if I get funded from this place.  I really hope for good news.  I’m worried about the future a lot.  I’ve been doing this gofundme thing, but it’s been a few days since I got a donation.  I think I might be ok for rent and moving, but I don’t know what I will eat.  Or how I will pay for books.  So it’s pretty weird.  Also I read that student loans won’t give you a loan if you defaulted on your previous one, and I did.  It was a 2 or 4 thousand dollar loan, not a lot, but I never made enough money to start paying it off.  I was also on social assistance for a long time.  Which paid barely enough for food clothes and other neccessities along with rent.  So anyway, I don’t know if they will forgive it and give me another loan, or be pissy and tell me to fuck off.

So many things unknown!  And school starts in just over a week!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

On the other hand, I have been having lovely visits with friends, both ones that live here and ones that are visiting from afar.  Little Mister got to meet two of his fans from Berlin, Juli and Liv.  Unfortunately Posey was a jerk and barked at them for a while, her high pitched squeaky bark.  Louis and I went to the AGO and saw the Anishinabe show.  We also just hung out and visited another day.  Did we go for dinner?  It is all becoming a blur!  I’m gonna eventually get to see my friend Margaret, because she comes to Toronto a bunch for work related reasons.

And of course there are good things about school, like that I will be meeting people and working on stuff and learning.  It’s just awkward when all my stuff is in storage and I am living out of a suitcase.  🙁  I really hope we get this place we want.

So a whole bunch of stuff happened.  Like Robin Williams died.  And I don’t have time to write a decent post about it now, because a whole bunch of stuff is still happening.  Like I am moving in about 28.5 hours! I will be on a plane, taking off, leaving this little prairie city behind!

With my dogs!  And I am still feeling guilty about upending their lives, but the vet says dogs are very adaptable with moves and just want to be with you, and she says small breeds do well in big cities, better than big pups.  So they should be okay.  We even found the other thundershirt!  TWO thundershirts on TWO dogs!  Keeping them calm through the plane ride!

Well, I really was gonna write more, but it’s late (or super early depending how you think of it) and I should go to bed.  Tomorrow I have my last haircut with Carolynn, go to the Coach for the last time with Deanna, see Shar for the last time, and then spend most of the evening with my Mom, before having basically a nap and then getting in the car to go to the airport at 3:50am to check in pups and stuff.

I’m sleepy!

The countdown is on!  Friday morning at 5:30 the plane will be taking off with me and my two dogs in it, heading for Toronto! I’m getting excited.  I think I will just stay around where my temporary home is on Friday, but Saturday we are going in to Toronto to hunt down a place! I really hope it works out!

My stuff is almost all packed.  There are just a few boxes left that need to be finished.  But there is a lot done!  I am leaving a bunch of video tapes behind.  I figure I can move them when I know which ones I want to keep.  Mom is staying in this house until the spring, so I have that much time at least.

I’m worried about how Posey is gonna be on the plane flight.  She’s gonna hate it, if she hates cars she will hate the plane even more!  But she will be so happy to see me on the other end!  Little Mister I am not too worried about, I think he will be fine.  He takes things in stride a lot easier than Posey.  He was a show puppy in his youth.

Mom says she’s gonna miss Posey.  She has been really funny around here.  She’s such a goofy puppy!  And she has such long legs!

I hope my little fuzzy family is okay!  I worry about them.  I think they will adjust.  It’s just all the unknowns that freak me out!

But everything is gonna change soon, and I think in the end my life will be better for it.  I’ve been wanting to get out of Saskatoon for a long time, and finally I have a chance, so I had better go for it.  And I think there will be more dating options out there, which is really nice.    Whew.

I have to get my phone unlocked, take the pups for kennel cough vaccinations tomorrow, get some medications for the month, finish packing, help the movers take my stuff, and then . . . and then I think I’m done!  Just getting ready for leaving after that!  I think my movers are coming tuesday, I hope it’s then anyway!

My gofundme is going well!  I’ve raised $800 so far!  Yay!  I’m feeling like I might make my goal!

I also got some back gst today!  Which is what I was hoping for before I move.  And it will go to my movers, so that’s good!!

I’m still woefully unaware of funding decisions for school and I have no clue about being given a TA/GA-ship.  I have to apply, but they aren’t posting any that are in my field yet.  I think they said they would post them in the middle of August.

I need to get serious about packing.  There are assorted things I have to do.  Like get my iPhone unlocked.  And call the vet and get some kennel cough stuff for my dogs done in case they have to go to the kennel in Toronto while I find a place.  Really I should just make a list of things to do.  I have a place to stay now when I get to Toronto, except it’s not in Toronto it’s in Mississauga.  BUT I can stay with my pups, and I can come to Toronto a few times before I move to look for places and get my student id and stuff.  I’m thinking of asking a friend in Toronto to let me use their mailing address for my mail.  Just while I find a more permanent place.

My grandpa keeps asking if I have enough money for school, and I don’t, YET! But I think/hope I will be okay.  I have about three back up plans going right now. So hopefully one of them will work out for me.  Or ALL of them will work out and then I can cancel some and go with the best option.  So it’s just a matter of waiting and seeing.  And it’s so close, I mean school starts in less than a month!

The other thing that has me panicking is the search for a home for September.  I have been looking for months but either places are too expensive or they don’t want dogs living with them.  Right now my cousin and I are looking for a two bedroom, but I don’t know anymore if that is for sure because she had to spend a lot of money on her dog’s vet bills and I’m not sure she can afford first and last month’s rent anymore.  I’m hoping I will find a place. I’m reducing my requirements for a home, in particular in regards to location, just so I will have a better chance of finding something.  But I am not sure what’s gonna happen.  Also having no idea of my living allowance is freaking me out a bit, and hindering my ability to confidently state my rental budget.

I read that homeless women in Toronto are getting sexually assaulted frequently and it made me freak out a bit because I don’t want to wind up homeless in a big city, AGAIN, and I’m not sure how I could do school and having dogs without a place to live.  Ugh.  Moving sucks ass, man!  It seems so exciting, but there are so many terrible pitfalls to it. Especially when you have pets.

So blah!  I look at the ryerson taga site every weekday, and the off campus housing listings, and kijiji, and craigslist, and viewit, and two facebook groups for rental properties which are mostly looking for roommates.  And it’s pretty boring.  And really we can’t go look at any places until I get there, because now my cousin can’t even afford to go to Toronto once a week for viewings.  🙁

Stress sucks.  Blah!

So that’s what I’ve been doing!  Not very exciting. Change is such a weird process. I’ve stopped looking at profiles on OKC because I’ve stopped being remotely interested in potential girlfriends. Like, where would I take them?  I think I’ll be more interested when I’m settled a little bit more.  When I have a schedule and a place to live.  It will happen, eventually. I’m starting to think about looking for a sublet for September, but also I think I should just find a place for good for September.

Well, since tuition and fees are due on September 6th and I’m pretty sure everything I am applying for is gonna take longer than that, I think my fellowship is just gonna go straight to tuition.  Which kinda sucks.  I hope I can get some kind of TA/GA job.  Or living allowance.  Or something.  I’m just hoping that things line up for me.  It’s stressing me out.

My gofundme campaign is going well, I’ve got 665 today.  Which is a hell of a lot more than I had before.  I’m hoping my back gst gets deposited in the next couple of weeks, but I think CRA is gonna drag it’s feet on that.  Which also sucks.

UGH! I am so tired!  Also I don’t think any artist fees are coming my way.  Which is too bad.  I don’t know why I am writing, I’m really really tired.  I should just go to bed.

I’ve been taking a new generic wellbutrin because Indian Affairs won’t pay for a brand name if a generic is available.  Well yeah, it’s available but it SUCKS!  I’ve been noticing a creeping depression sneaking up on me and it’s been years since I have been depressed because Wellbutrin works so good!  The REAL Wellbutrin.  This shit is crap!  So I’m gonna have to fork over money to pay for it, because Indian Affairs has the shittiest health plans EVER!  Worse than Social Assistance health coverage.  Literally a white person on welfare would have better coverage than me.  Because Fuck NDNs.

AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

So tomorrow morning I am gonna call and try to get a week’s worth of wellbutrin and switch my meds back to the regular stuff, and pay for it.  When I try to google how much it costs I seem to end up with prices for American consumers and it’s totally insane, like over 200 for 90 days.  I seem to remember a month being about 27 dollars here, so I am hoping that is true.  HOPE HOPE HOPE!

I was reading about generic buproprion and how they had problems with it in the past because it didn’t have time release, it would release all at once and therefore was not effective.  I have a suspicion that is what it is doing again.

I know there’s this cuddly warm feeling about generics like they are giving a chance at health to poor people, but sometimes making a generic that doesn’t work when the brand name is amazing is SUCH A BAD IDEA!  Especially because poor people usually have health insurance that will refuse to cover a brand name when a generic is available.  SO REALLY you are providing a lower standard of health to poor people. Great going Mr. Generic!

But I mean, thats the same with everything isn’t it?
I HATE BEING POOR!

I bet I will feel a million times better when I get the real Wellbutrin in my system again.  I thought I was going onto week 4 with my meds, but I’m only on day one of week 3!  And I already feel this shitty!

Also I need to get back on track because I cannot move when I am feeling suicidal.  It’s just not right.  And I know, logically, that it makes absolutely no sense.  It’s just the stupid chemicals in my crazy brain!  Fuck mental illness.  It’s not cool, it’s just a pain in the ass! I hate people who wish they were crazy, it’s not fun! Get your street cred some other way!

Anyway, tomorrow I am going to Regina.  And it will be good.  I’m gonna pick up better meds in the morning, so hopefully they will kick in soon.

Remember, I am crowdfunding to get through to October in grad school with no band funding!  Kick a few dollars my way if you can, it takes debit too if you know your bank account number I do believe!

So today I got word that I am number 9 on the waitlist for funding from my reserve!  That gives me a shot at getting funding in January after a few people have dropped out due to whatever life circumstances, but right now I am focused on getting through my first semester.

So I have started a Go Fund Me!  You can check it out here!  Any little bit helps, and I am giving out some sweet rewards!

I’m exploring other funding avenues too, but if you have ever wanted to support my work or me in anyway, here is your chance!

Thanks a bunch for being a good reader!  If you don’t have disposable cash to donate, then spread the word!

SO!  I am gonna start packing soon!  I’ve been going through my books trying to find ones to give away.  I think I gave away all the ones I don’t need.  Maybe I will go through them again.  I have until August 10th to pack, and then the movers come and take away my things!  Goodbye things!

Little Mister and Posey are doing well.  Little Mister was humping her today and he had an erection, which is rare but happens on the odd occasion.  SUPER rare because he has no testicles.  ANYWAY he was mainly humping the air, her leg, no where near any orifices.  Super awkward!!

I found a job on the TAGA Ryerson page, I’m gonna get my resume up to snuff and apply.  I’m basically just gonna apply to any job that I feel I could do well on that site and see what happens.  It would give me more to live on, which would be nice.

I still don’t know if I will be funded by Little Pine.  It’s Wednesday, halfway through the week that I was told they MIGHT meet again.  It’s also near the end of July, September 1st is creeping up fast!

What else?  Oh just a bunch of arty stuff I have to do!

My computer is much happier though, I feel a lot better about it.

I’m still waiting for magic beans to show up and pay for my move and my first and last months rent.  Also I still don’t have a place to live, but that is ok, something will happen!

So I finally got to the bottom of my laptop problems, a faulty graphics card.  The Graphics card in a Macbook is attached to the Logic Board.  The logic board is a major piece of a computer (from what I have gathered) and cost me $904 with taxes and labour to replace.  Crap!  So I paid it.  I had to scrounge up a bunch of money and also borrow 130 from my mom.  I have six dollars and sixty six cents in my bank account.  I’m doing a performance at the end of the month, which will give me some more money towards my move.

OOh! Just got 60 bucks reimbursed from my kennel I had to buy for Little Mister! 😀

Anyway, I am working on some writing, finally.  I got interrupted a bunch of times with taking my computer in to get fixed and stuff.  I actually resorted to longhand for a monologue I am doing in Regina soon.  It’s only three pages in, and I need ten minutes, so it’s gonna be a while!

I’m still waiting to hear from my reserve if I have been funded to go to school.  It’s taking a really long time!

Besides the whole thing with my computer, I’ve also been dealing this week with a letter from Canada Council saying I was ineligible to apply to the last grant deadline, along with a copy of a final report form for me to fill out.  The thing was that my final report was approved in March, and I had put it in the mail just before the deadline.  So I wanted to know what the hell happened and sent an email Monday with a copy of my stub saying the final report had been approved, didn’t hear anything for days, sent another email Thursday, and then on Friday got an email basically saying that since it wasn’t approved by the deadline I was ineligible.  I still don’t know why they waited until all the official grant results came out to tell me that (four months later), and didn’t tell me earlier.  Also I don’t know if they pulled it before the peer assessment process or after.  Also I have sent final reports and grant applications in at the same time before and it’s been okay, so I don’t know why this time was different.  I’m really frustrated with their handling of this situation, and I hope if this is their new policy that they apply it equally to all applicants. It feels really unfair and I am pretty angry, especially that I had to send three emails to find out why this had happened.  Because the gist I got from the letter was that the officer didn’t even know I had put my final report in at all.

And then when I was having my really bad day, my perpetually teenage cousin decided to be a big sociopath on my wall and say a bunch of hurtful things.  She’s busy with her addictions and being an asshole, so I said some things back.  Then I blocked her, on facebook, on my cell, and on Instagram.  I think that’s all the places she knows where I am. Oh!  Ha ha, she is on Fetlife, I guess I should block her there too.  Although she just posts pics I don’t want to see anyway!

Don’t be friends with your relatives on Fetlife!  Nooooo! Bad idea!