Posey is getting better! We’ve had a lot of people at the house, and she is starting to get over barking at people.  BUT we had electricians doing work in the basement, and she went nuts for the few hours they were here.

The house still hasn’t been sold.  We have new steps, rubber paving on the front sidewalk, and a new electrical panel.  But still no interest.

Tomorrow there is another viewing, I’m gonna have to do some cleaning in the morning.  I’m getting SO tired of keeping this place Show Ready.  It looks nice and all, but it’s stressful.

I took Ativan a couple nights ago, and it made me sleepy for a good 24 hours! HOLY SHIT!  I don’t know how people do it recreationally, I was just SO TIRED! Anyway, now I am just gonna save it for super emergency needs.  Because I have things to do ya know!

Still no place to live! Still freaking out!  I keep checking kijiji, Craigslist, and Homes for Queers Toronto everyday, just in case something new jumps out at me.  Craigslist seems to have some dodgy people on it.  And some of the stipulations for living situations are ridiculous.  For instance, I might be able to understand No Pets, though I can’t live there, BUT I think the No Overnight Guests things is way over the line! How can you tell your renters they can’t have sex in your building?  That’s pretty controlling man!

I don’t have much else to say today.  I slept a lot yesterday.  Today was mostly a day at home, except for going to the Coach with Deanna and going to Grandma’s with Mom and Auntie.

Posey still pukes in the car.  Poor pup!

I’ve been apartment/roommate hunting for the past while.  Everything else is in place, except the housing thing.  BUT I have found an apartment building in my price range and within walking distance to Ryerson.  I’m waiting for the manager to fax me the application and then I am gonna fill it out and fax it back and hope for good news.  It’s tiny, I knew I would have to live in a tiny place though, and my dogs are also tiny so it’s ok.

I will just have to pay for internet, cell, and transit pass and groceries!  Which is still a lot.  BUT it’s not too bad.

I’m getting excited.  I saw my psychiatrist for possibly the last time today.  She gave me a prescription for ativan as needed when I can’t sleep, and we said our goodbyes.  Little Mister went to his groomer’s for the last time, and they gave him a little zebra striped tie instead of a bandana.  I’m saving it for special occasions.  I have to remember all the things I need to do before I leave.

Like I have to get my iPhone unlocked, so I can use it with another carrier in Toronto.  I have to get Little Mister’s vet history from his vet so I can share it with his next vet, and in case we cross the border some day.  I have to give away a whole bunch of books I don’t really want anymore.  I have to do another cull of my clothing.  I have to pack everything and get it organized and in easy to get spots for the movers.  I have to gather money for first and last month’s rent AND money for the movers.  Right now a lot of my money is coming to me in the future, the near future but still it’s not in hand.  I think I’ve got about $1000 I can access at the end of the month.  And another 1000 that has to go to rent in Toronto.

Whew.  I put 200 down on my moving expenses, and I paid for my cargo and plane ticket to Toronto.

I still haven’t heard if Little Pine is funding me.  And I still haven’t heard if Canada Council is giving me a grant.  It’s getting so close to the time I have to leave!  It’s worrisome!  I don’t know why Little Pine hasn’t made decisions yet.

I’m also worried about being poor, yet again.  I guess I am poor now.  But it’s easier here, my rent isn’t so high, and I get more a month now on disability than I will on living allowance.  It sucks.  Like, there is a $250 difference, and that’s groceries for the month!  That’s a lot of money.

I’m looking for TA/GA jobs everyday on the website, some are starting to be posted but they seem to be for math and engineering ones, which I am clearly not remotely qualified for.

ANYWAY! I am still pretty excited about leaving Saskatoon.  It’s been a super frustrating place to live, because there are so many things missing from it that I know I can get in a bigger city.  Like a queer film fest, and an Indigenous Film fest, and probably jobs because I can’t get them here because I have a Native last name and hiring folks here are deeply racist, like most of Saskatchewan.  Like, I don’t even get interviews or callbacks.  Even for things I am qualified for.  Anyway, grrrr!  And there aren’t a lot of women that I am interested in here.  Not really anyone, really.  Nobody! And I know I could get at least a couple dates in Toronto, and eventually meet someone.  And the industry I want to work in is there.  And there are more arts things.  And competition would be stiff, but that is ok.

So I’ve been ready to leave for a long time.

I’ve been so stressed out here with the house being on the market, and all the cleaning that we do for the viewings, and blah blah blah.  And then having my laptop in the shop for a while.  It’s back now!  I hope it stays home now and works properly and doesn’t mess up!  It went through two hardware tests and passed them both.

Well, time to unwind.  I promised myself when I got lappy back I would watch Community on Netflix.  So maybe I will do that.

Posey is suspicious of visitors.  My friend Kristen came over today and Posey barked and barked and barked at her.  It drove me crazy, and I couldn’t find her husher, put her outside, brought her back in, almost put her in my room but she weasled out at the last second.

Then she got over it.  Started playing with Little Mister, didn’t seem to care anymore.
But it took half an hour for her to get over it.  I’m not sure what to do.  She doesn’t bite, but she is so obviously distressed by visitors.  And then it’s over.  I really hope she grows out of it.  I should google it, maybe there is something I can do.

My computer was acting up again this morning. I had to reset the SMC. But I fiddled around for an hour before resetting it and it was ridiculous.

Today is the first! 46 days until I’m in Toronto! :O  Woah!  I am hoping that some places become available, I’m gonna check Kijiji and that FB group and the off campus housing property listings on the Ryerson website.  I’m kind of hoping for a bachelor suite, just because I am having figurative nightmares about what it’s gonna be like to integrate my pups into a shared living situation with someone who isn’t their Grandma.  I’m not so worried about Little Mister, he’s mellowed out in his old age.  But Posey, man!  I don’t want her barking at the new roommate or shit like that.

It’s late, I should go to bed.

My Grandma is nearing the end.  And so Auntie is coming in the afternoon.  Mom doesn’t want to deal with a death all on her own.  I really love my Grandma, I want to go see her tomorrow.

Something that has grown to really upset me is how very little the other Grandchildren go to see Grandma and Grandpa.  It’s like they don’t care.  I’m consistently going to see them, but the other grandchildren, nah.  Maybe once every few months.  I go a couple of times a week, minimum.  It’s one of the things I feel regret about leaving town, because after I’m gone there won’t be any grandchildren going to visit on a regular basis.  And it’s not a chore, I like going to see them, they were super involved in raising me as a little girl because my Mom was a single parent.  Anyway, it’s been on my mind.  But all I can do is visit as much as I can before I leave.

So I need to talk about something, because writing here is how I work through things I am having issues with.  It looks like I am not gonna get my webseries shot before I leave Saskatoon.  I have a month and a half left and I still need to do rewrites and things have really pushed back my schedule, including all the work in the spring getting Mom’s house ready to sell, and also not having my laptop for a week or whatever kicked my ass, and basically I think I can finish the rewrites for the end of July, but I am not gonna have time to cast and rehearse and shoot my video before I move.

Which leaves me with doing it in Ontario.  Which is further complicated by the fact that I will also be in school until next September doing a full time courseload.  IF SAB was ok with me turning it into my grad project that would be ok, BUT I don’t know if that is ok.

I know it will get done, but it might not get done within the original time frame.  It might not even get done this year.  I’m pretty disappointed, but I also don’t want to fuck it up by rushing it.

Anyway, if my friends reading this have ever had issues with projects not getting done on time, let me know what you did.  Cause I totally have to re-envision this project to complete it.

So just now I finished booking my move with Vega Line, who are gonna do a better job than those pod/portable storage options for less money and with door to door service!  ALSO they can keep my stuff in their storage when it gets to Toronto until Sept 1 when I will FOR SURE have a place.  I hope! So I am pretty happy, and they have been totally amazing to deal with so far! And they came with a good recommendation from a friend, so I feel good about them.

We took the pups for a walk today, while some people came to see the house. Posey is terrible on a leash, but she’s a puppy still so she has learning to do.  Little Mister is impeccable! Hermione was slower than the others.

I didn’t get much sleep last night, I was too excited!  It’s happening so SOON!

I’ve got my plane ticket to Toronto, and paid for the two dogs to go in cargo on my flight.  I’m not too worried about Little Mister, because he likes being in his crate, but Posey gets motion sickness or anxiety or something when she’s in a car and barfs and drools.  So she might have a rough time.  Mostly I’m worried she’ll get dehydrated.  Good thing it’s a short flight. I’m gonna put their thundershirts on them.

So basically now all I have to do is finish my writing, do my performance, do the webseries stuff, and then head out!

Also find a place to live.  It’s worrying me.  I’m checking Kijiji ads and the off campus housing listings. Also I put a note on Homes For Queers Toronto on FB. I’m going to be making some calls on Monday too, to people who help folks find housing. So I am doing everything I can.  My cousin can’t afford to find a place with me because her hours got cut, which is too bad!  So it’s back to living with strangers or in a cheap bachelor.

I forgot to update you on two things.  One, the movers.  I was gonna go with Storage Vault, BUT it took them a week to come up with a quote, with me calling and waiting and ugh!  And finally when they did give me a quote, it was for $3000 dollars!  WHAT??? That’s more than a new Macbook Pro!  So a friend gave me the name of these cross country movers, Vega Line, and within 12 hours they gave me a rough estimate of $875, with door to door service, and basically a whole better deal.  It might be more once they get everything weighed, but it won’t be a lot more.

ALSO my lappy is back! They adjusted some settings and after it didn’t act up for two days they said I could come get it, 43 bucks!  Such a relief, especially since I was worried I would have to pay 800 to replace the logic board or something. YAY!

At the most I could wait until Sept 1st, BUT I am hoping I can find a place for August 15th! Because that’s when Posey, Little Mister, and I get to Toronto!

It’s so soon!

I finished my fifth shift at the Jazzfest today and found someone to take my Sunday night shift.  So I am DONE! Whew! Made some cash! Breathed in a lot of a poplar fuzzies.  I got a nose bleed near the end of my shift and had to quit and go sit in the back with a kleenex on my nose.  I think because Steven showed up trying to get a beer for two bucks and pissed me off, because it is SO TYPICAL!

Anyway, I am really tired.  Some assholes wanted to come look at the house today at 9am and we negotiated for 9:30 and they showed up at 8:44am!  FUCKING ASSHOLES! So we took the dogs for a walk and left used pee pads on the floors, cause if you arrive that early for a viewing don’t expect a clean house.  Fuckers.  I don’t give a shit if they want to buy the house, don’t pull shit like that!

Sweary paragraph!

I think I am getting a new old crush. Ha ha, fricken hell I keep recycling crushes.  But this one was silly way back then and it is still a little bit silly, ALTHOUGH at least it is on someone single.  And who is nice.  And a friend.  BUT I doubt I will do anything about it.  I’m actually not even sure it’s a full blown crush, it’s more mulling something over in my mind and wondering if it is a good idea.  Because I have been known to have absolutely TERRIBLE ideas when it comes to women.

I was talking with Mom about my terrible taste in women and then she said this thing that totally cleared something up for me.  I was saying something about how terrible it was to be hung up on Rheanne for so long and then she said “Oh, it’s just that you loved her way more than she felt for you.”  And I thought that was so sweet because really that’s what happened.  I was totally head over heels for her and she didn’t care for me!  Did not give a shit.  And it totally sucked.  But whatever, it’s over now, she has a new boyfriend, I am leaving and not in love with her anymore.  Things are good.

I’m moving somewhere where I haven’t dated anyone.  Well that’s not really true, I dated Ivana, but she moved to Vancouver anyway and isn’t there now.  OOOOOOOH! But Margaret lives in Hamilton and comes to Toronto all the time and she and I have a history.  A tumultuous history which has left us being good friends though.  She’s so cute.  Our dating history was ridiculous.  And now she’s got a family.  She’s always been a good friend though, I used to sleep over when I had super dark suicidal nights and we would just hang out and cuddle.  That was really sweet.  I’m glad I am moving closer to her FINALLY!

I’m nervous about finding housing.  I think I need roommates and people are weird about dogs.  It seems a lot of people are allergic.  They are cutie dogs though.

I love my little kids!  The weens!

I went for a ride with my friend tonight at got back around12:30am.  I was worried about the weirdo neighbors dog, because I thought I heard it whining in their front yard, and it’s a baby dachshund and it would be totally within the realm of possibility for them to leave it in the front all night, because they are just that clueless.  So I crept over to peek, and was relieved that it wasn’t there.  Because if it WAS there, I was gonna steal it for the night.  I’m not gonna let a puppy get eaten by a suburban coyote just so I could be cool with the neighbors I don’t like!

Two days of work done!  Four days left!  Three actually, then a break for a day and then one last day.  MAKING MONEY!

The movers are still trying to get a quote from the truckers.  Neuralnet is still doing diagnostics to find out what is the matter with Lappy.  So I am still in the dark about how much money all of this is going to cost me.

I keep calling, but it’s really not making anything go faster. So I hope they just call me back tomorrow about things. And then I can make decisions and budget.

I finally learned what Bae means, it’s Babe without the second b. I thought it meant Boo, and it kind of does but also I don’t actually know what Boo means.  Maybe it comes from Sweet Baboo? Peanuts?  Eh?

Whatever, I haven’t had the opportunity to use this newfangled lingo.

Tomorrow I am going to Lauryn Hill.  And the day after I am going to Teagan and Sara.

It’s almost a month and a half before I leave.  Woah man!  SO SOON!

I don’t have much to report. I was at work all day. Then a long bus ride home. Now I am almost ready for bed. BEDTIME comes so soon when you work all day!

I lost my headphones.  I don’t remember the last time I used them.  Yesterday? I hope I find them, they are pricey!

I really really need my laptop back.

So anyway, I am trying to visit Grandma and Grandpa almost every day for the next while.  Partly just because I love them and won’t see them much when I leave, but also because Grandma’s status has moved into a more palliative care situation and I don’t want to miss out on being around her.

So we saw them today. Grandma and I lay on her bed and chatted about things. Grandpa and I watched the World Cup and ate chocolate, and Mom showed off the toe she dropped a plate on which is all bruisey.

It’s really unclear how much time she has left.  It could be a month.  It could be days.  Nobody knows.  AND since we thought she was dying in January, it could be another false alarm.

One thing I know is that if I am away and she dies, I should call Westjet for a plane ticket instead of Air Canada, because a friend of mine called Air Canada for the bereaved fare and they implied she was lying about her dead Kokum.  THAT’s SO RUDE!

What else?  Ah, basic rundown of Things I Need To Do: Finish rewriting short story.  Finish rewriting scripts. Write Monologue AND Practice before the end of July. Book portable storage and moving thingy. Start packing. Cast video.  Shoot video. UGH! What else?  Do this week of work. Do some more taxes. Save lots of money.

FUN things I am doing this next week include going to the Lauryn Hill concert with Shar and the Tegan and Sara concert with Deanna! 🙂 AND that’s about it.  Lot of work, with some fun times.

Mom is coming to Toronto in October.  YAY! I will get to take her to my new favourite places and introduce her to my friends and the pups will get to see their Grandma!  They love their Grandma.  She’s going to teach her class from Toronto for that week because it’s an online course.  I hope my computer is fixed by then!

I have nothing else to report.  I wrote twice today, that’s enough.

I am writing this on my Mom’s computer.  Lappy is still in the shop, and they still don’t know what’s wrong with it. I did some more digging online and it COULD be a display issue, so I am hoping that is all that is wrong and it isn’t like, the logic board.  Which would really really SUCK!

My cousin invited me to move earlier, starting August 1. But I think I need to stay here at the beginning of August to tie up loose ends.  For instance, I haven’t confirmed it yet but I have tentatively booked my Portable Storage PUPS thing for the second week of August.

I feel really in between right now. I’m not a permanent resident here anymore, but I’m also not yet in Toronto. And I already switched my OKC location to Toronto, and my Fetlife profile, but I can only look at profiles and I can’t really make dates yet.  Disappointing.

Also I bought my plane ticket to go to Toronto direct with my pups.  We leave at 5:35 am on August 15th.  SO EARLY! BUT it is a direct flight and will get us there at the right time. Poor pups! I hope they are okay in the cargo hold. Westjet doesn’t recommend tranquilizing animals for the flight, so they are gonna be in their thundershirts.  Theresa told me once she heard her dog bark all the way on a flight she was on.  Poor pup!

We’re looking for a place for August 15th, but if we have to wait until Sept 1 I think I will be okay. What I’m really disappointed about is that I’m STILL gonna miss the Tori Amos concert, and she’s like, my hero, and I have NEVER been able to see her in concert.  BUT also she will probably do a tour again next year and then I will get to see her.

I’m relieved I finally have a real time to go to Toronto, that my ticket has been booked and my pups are booked in Cargo. Because only a few dogs are allowed on each flight. Yay for Westjet! Also they treat dogs better than Air Canada, so I have heard. It’s always a little dodgy, but I really hope my dogs are safe.

The amount of work I have to do before I leave is starting to lessen, YET it would still be easier if I could get my damned lappy back. Especially because it is all writing work I have to do.  I’ve got hard copies and copies in my email, but I’d rather work on it with my computer.

And through all of this, we are still selling the house. So we have viewings now and then. Yesterday we had two viewings. Today none so far. They aren’t as constant as they were when we got the house on the market. But it still involves regular thorough house cleaning and rushing all the pups out to the car.

The house is easy to clean now that we have it mostly done. It’s just picking up and vacuuming. Our friend Adrian said it once took him a year to sell his house. YIKES! That is a really long time!  I hope Mom sells soon.

Well, thats all for now! I can’t think of more.