Well, I had written a blog post with this title, but time has passed and my browser crashed a few times, and anyway, this is all that is left.  Oops.  I don’t even know what I was referring to.

I am doing well with my ablation.  I didn’t have any discharge for a long time, but then today something was coming out so I put on a pad, only to discover it was really not even needing a pad.  It was like these specks of brown, I guess it’s whatever was left of my lining shedding. They looked kind of funny, like if coarse sand was coming out.  But now it’s back to nothing.  About now is when I would normally get my period.  So far, nothing really! 😀  When I think about it my uterus gets a little crampy, but for the most part its fine.  It’s fine! 😀  I hope I don’t have a period again.  I’m so done with it!

My cousin Deanna has moved in with us for the month.  She’s going to decide where she will go when the month is up.  Next week my friend Josh is coming to stay with us too!

Posey Puppy is doing well.  She’s really smart, she knows what I mean if I say “Go pee.”  This may not sound like much, but it’s a major step.  I used to have a dog who I would say “Do you need to pee?” and he would jump up and go to the backdoor to go pee outside.  Wesley was such a good dog.  But anyway, I am hoping to use this to convince Posey to use the pads or go outside.  Little Mister is terrible about peeing.  I need to whip him into shape.

Little Mister and Posey had an altercation today.  The mail lady came and Mister and Hermione were barking around like usual and Posey got excited, and then suddenly Mister attacked her!  He was all sound and fury, she didn’t actually get bitten, her neck was a little wet.  But she cried and cried and cried.  She was so upset.  I yelled at Mister and picked her up and held her and told her she was okay, and then she mostly was.  Hermione told off Little Mister with some bitchy snarls.  It was over pretty fast.  I’m not sure where everyone is gonna fit in the dog hierarchy when this is over, but Little Mister is not going to be second to a puppy!

Hermione growls at the baby sometimes too, but Posey seems to think she is cute enough to get away with things, and for the most part she does.

I’m missing Mom.  She is out of town doing arty things.  I got artist fees today, so that was awesome.  I can use some of them to pay for my night guard that Aboriginal Affairs and Social Services won’t pay for.  I’m kind of tired, this puppy has been getting me up early.  She has to pee and then I can’t just leave her in my bed or she will pee on it.  So yeah.

Well, blah!  I have nothing else of note to mention!  I’m just hanging around close to home until Mom gets back, keeping the place cleanish.  I almost miss her television habits.  Maybe I should watch Mystery Diners and pretend she is in the next chair.

Posey got spayed!  She did ok, she’s in a cone and stoned.  I was hand feeding her because she was so pitiful.  Poor baby!  Right now she is curled up in her little bed.  She’s such a cutie pie.  I got her name tag for her finally.  The machine wasn’t calibrated properly so the engraving was off by a couple millimeters.  So the 3 in 306 was cut off a little bit.  BUT I think it should be ok.  Maybe I will get another one someday, they get worn pretty fast anyway.

Poor Posey!  I have another vet appointment with her in a while, I should find out when that is!

I’m working on a grant and I have a really LIMITED amount of time to do it in.  I didn’t check the grant deadlines until yesterday, only to discover the deadline for scriptwriting isn’t March 31, it’s March 1st!  FUCK!  Uuuuuh.  So I have that to do this weekend.  I am lucky it falls on a Saturday because now I have until Monday to get it postmarked and in the mail.  I wrote the Project Description this morning.  I am letting it marinate in my mind for a while then coming back to it. For most of tonight I will be getting other things ready, like my resume and support material and budget.  The budget will be easy peasy because I am just asking for living costs.

IF I didn’t need this grant so much for the fall I wouldn’t really care about missing this deadline, but it would REALLY HELP with my plans to get out of Saskatoon and work on a project I have been talking about for years.  My admission into Grad School is still up in the air.  I’ve been rejected three times at three other programs so I feel really dubious.  Even if I did get into Grad School, I still need money to move my stuff and my dogs to Toronto.  So yeah.  I am hoping I win the lottery tonight, if I do I won’t even bother with this application.

Later:

I didn’t win the lottery.  BOOOOOOO!

I just took my mom to the airport, I have to go get some groceries and a usb stick and some puffy envelopes for my grant.  I’m nearly done, I just need to edit the project description.  Add some, take some out.  Snip snip.  Make it look like a really delicious project.

The dogs are well.  I am well.  Baby is getting her next painkiller.  I should get back to work.  I will write again later!

Well, yesterday morning at 11am I checked into City Hospital’s Women’s Health Centre and had my ablation.  It was a positive experience, painful yes, but the staff were very helpful and respectful.  A nurse sat down with me first to go over my medical record and my current medications, as well as the other pre-op forms that were filled out by a GP at my doctor’s clinic (my family doctor was on vacation and I needed the forms filled out before she got back).  Then the nurse described what the procedure would be like and how it would feel, she said it would feel like period cramps, which was true.  She told me what drugs they would give me (gravol and fentanyl and some local freezing).  And then she sent me off to get my IV and blood pressure tested.  Apparently I have lower oxygen than non-smokers, possibly because I smoked for 12 years even though it has been a year off them.  Anyway, then I sat in a recliner and waited.  I was supposed to go at 2:15, the third in line.  But something happened with the first patient and I was suddenly scooted ahead to number 1.  They had me walk to the room, then I had to lay on a short table with stirrups.  It’s a little bit of an awkward position.  My OB/GYN came in and did the check in to make sure we all knew what procedure was happening.

Then he left and the nurse gave me the gravol and then the fentanyl in my IV.  The gravol didn’t feel like much but the fentanyl was bizarre.  It made me feel kind of woozy/dizzy and dreamy.  “This is weird” I said.  Then the doctor came back in and they got to work.

I had a blanket over my lower half, so I didn’t see anything going in or out of me.  A speculum went in first, I was used to those so it didn’t bother me that much.  They gave me some freezing and then they dilated me.  That felt a little worse, even with the tablets they prescribed me to put up my vagina that morning.  Then he had to measure the inside of my uterus, and that really felt like yucky period cramps.  The cramps kept moving around to the different parts he was measuring.  And then he inserted the Novasure thing.  I don’t know what it looks like, so I can’t describe it, it is supposed to be a mesh that expands to fit your uterus and then they use some kind of radio frequency or something that basically heats up and burns the endometrial lining of your uterus.  Getting it in place felt crampy.  And then like the nurse had said, there was a hum.

The hum lasted for 90 seconds.  That doesn’t sound bad, but the FEELING of having it heated and burning your internal organs is NOT NICE!  I pretty much made moany whimpery noises the whole time it was happening. It hurt.  A lot.  BUT not so much that I wanted to die.  90 seconds can be a long time though.  And then finally, it was over.

A funny thing that happened is they left a radio station on during the procedure and Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up was playing during my ablation.  I was all drugged on fentanyl and trying to explain Rickrolling to them.  The nurse who had described the procedure earlier was with me in the room and she was super comforting.  She would distract me during painful parts by asking me questions and making light conversation.  I think her name was Brenda.

After it was over they helped me into a wheelchair and took me back to my bed (a recliner) and brought me some ginger ale and two cookies.  They also called my mom to come and get me.  I got dressed and then they took my blood pressure over and over until I seemed ok.  I went home with Mom.  I basically went to bed.

Afterwards was uncomfortable.  I felt crampy, AND I was constipated, and I kept feeling like if I could shit the crampy part would go away but I couldn’t poop all day.  At 7pm I took one of my super duper extra strength advil and I finally got a little bit of sleep.  At 8 I woke up and went into the living room.  I had some food, my appetite was back and felt good.  I went back to bed around 10 and slept until 1am when I took another Advil, they had told me to take something every six hours.  So then I took another one this morning at 7:31am and I felt back to normal today.

As for the lasting effects of the ablation, I won’t really know for a few months.  My OB/GYN wants to see me in three months to talk about how it is going.  Ideally, I would like to never have a period again.  For years I have had to take iron every day because I bleed so much I am anemic.  I bleed so much that a pad or tampon or even sometimes my diva cup can’t catch it all in the night so if I sleep over at someone’s house I am DESTINED to bleed on their bed.  It’s been really awkward, and people have been pretty shaming about the bleeding so much thing, which sucks.  Like I have literally gotten talking to’s about bleeding in people’s beds like I do it on purpose or something. I also don’t like the feelings of my periods, I get bad cramps.  On the second day of my period I have to empty my divacup about five times in the day.  It’s just ridiculous.

One thing is I won’t be able to be pregnant, which is fine.  I don’t want kids.  I had to tell my doctors over and over that I don’t want kids and they finally believed me.  Which is good because some doctors try to preserve fertility even when their patient is adamant that they don’t care.  I COULD get pregnant but it would be a horrible idea with complications and I would need to abort for my health.  So no sperm in vagina for me!  Which is fine by me!

I still might need to get a hysterectomy in the future if this doesn’t work, like my Mom and Auntie and my Grandma, BUT this is the new alternative to hysterectomies and a lot of women are really happy with the results.  Especially with the Novasure.  I’ve had a little bit of discharge, watery with a pink tinge to it.  Not really super bloody.  I can’t put anything in my vagina for six weeks, also no baths with salts or oils, no hot tubs, and no swimming pools.  No tampons, pads only.  I haven’t had much pain today.  It’s been good.  And yes, today I finally had a poop.  Poops are good!  It means things are working normally!

I got a new puppy recently, on Valentines Day.  She’s been SUPER cute and only a little bratty.  Her name is Posey, as in Parker Posey.  She’s a red smooth mini dachshund.  She is about 13 weeks old now, super tiny!  Hermione and Little Mister were a little chilly towards her at first, but Hermione warmed up to her and they played on Mom’s bed.  Sometimes they will cuddle up in Posey’s bed and sleep together, which is super cute.

Posey likes me, she bonded to me really fast.  She cries when I am away, unless she has someone to play with.  She likes to sleep in my lap, and Little Mister likes to lay on the right arm of the chair, and I like to use my laptop, so there has been some dog/laptop juggling going on.  I took her to our vet the first day we had her because she was due for her second set of shots and I wanted to make sure she was healthy.  She is.  The vet was happy with her and she is scheduled for her spaying in March.  Baby girl!

Here is what she looks like!

She turns bratty at a specific time of day.  When we are in bed and the lights are on and I am on my laptop she goes all wild trying to bite my fingers.  And she’s got pointy sharp puppy teeth so it is super annoying.  But the weird thing is as soon as I turn the lights off she calms down and goes to sleep.

Anyway, I wanted to update my blog because I got busy and didn’t write in it for a while.  So here is an update!  DOGGY! LOVE!  BABY!

I’ve got the first rough draft of my first webisode written! 😀  Each one is only 3 minutes, so I have to pack a lot into three pages.  YAY!  I feel accomplished!  I was promising to start writing on February 1st. and it’s only the Tuesday after February 1st.  Now I just have 9 more left to go!  Whew!

I hope I can keep this up!  Tomorrow morning I have my dietician appointment, and then we are going to the Casino for a little bit.  Then back home I guess, to write a bit more.  I’m leaving the day after that to go to Kingston for ReelOut.  I’m looking forward to getting away for a little bit.  What else?

Oh, I guess I don’t feel so depressed that I am diabetic.  I felt a little more reassured by my doctor. I am gonna work really hard at keeping myself healthy.  There’s so much I want to do with my life, I don’t want it shortened or made worse.

I also had this little moment of hope the other day.  I sort of just came to the conclusion that ONE DAY I will get a girlfriend.  And that it’s okay I’m so picky.  I mean, I’m only picky about reasonable things, like that they shouldn’t be racist and shit like that.  They have to be a decent human being and that isn’t having high standards because I have those standards for everyone.

Well, I guess I should head to bed.  There’s not much else to say, I just wanted to mention I have a good start on this scriptwriting portion of my webseries.

So I had my doctor appointment today and I am now officially Diabetic.  Which sucks, BUT it is still really early days and she said if I ate well and got more exercise I would be alright.  I need more fruit and protein and less carbs and sugar.  Tomorrow I am going to see a dietician.  Mom and I are gonna do weightlifting tomorrow too.  I don’t need to test my blood glucose with a meter yet, I do have to come to the lab and do blood tests every three months though, and every other test is a fasting blood test.  BLOOD!  Bleh.

I don’t know if I am surprised or not.  I think I thought I had more time before this was gonna happen.  Like, five more years or so.  I always suspected it was gonna happen to me though, because of medication I am on and also being Native.

I hope it doesn’t blind me or kill me though.  I really don’t want to get all sickly.

But I was all sleepy this morning and mom said that was a symptom of diabetes.  So that is disappointing.  I’ve been REALLY tired these days.

I’m going to Kingston the day after tomorrow!  Going to be there for a couple of screenings of my films and talk on a panel.  Then visiting Toronto for three days.  It should be alright.  I’m looking forward to seeing my friend Louis!  LOUIS!

I have a lot to learn about diabetes.  I have a diabetic mom and a diabetic auntie though, so I’ve overheard a lot of blab about diabetic things.  It’s not totally new to me anyway.

Well, I was really just writing this post to warm up and blab about my day before I go on to start writing my transmissions webisodes.  I’d better go do that now!

I filled out an application for an Artist In Residence at a secret place that I hope to go to this year.  It’s competitive so I don’t want to jinx myself by blabbing too much about it.  Just that it would be AWESOME!  It would also take me away from my baby, Little Mister, for a while.  That’s the hard part of being an artist and dog owner, sometimes there is the chance to go away for something exciting, but you have to leave the pup behind.  And he’s really adorable and grounding for me, so it’s weird to leave him.  It would be worse if he was my child!  I don’t know how parents do residencies away from home.

I was busy with that all day today.  I gave myself until the end of tomorrow to do it then I was gonna get back to my project, but it didn’t need so much time.  It was fairly easy to do.  I will be okay if I don’t get it, it’s just the sort of thing you have to throw your hat in the ring for, just in case.  It didn’t cost anything to apply either, super sweet!

Little Mister was nosing me today while I was talking to Mom.  He wanted attention.  It was so cute, he’s never done that to me before.  OMG!  He is so cute!  I picked him up and told him how cute he was.

I had a good texty conversation with my friend in Toronto, it was all private stuff that I’m not gonna disclose here, BUT it was really nice to blab to him and hear his thoughts about life.  I’m gonna see him in a few weeks.  Feb 9 – 12 I will be in Toronto, after my gig in Kingston.  I am going to Kingston for ReelOut, which should be fun.  I’m on a panel so I have to think of interesting blab blab.  And they are screening a couple of videos.

Well, I should go to bed I guess.  When I start getting tired at this time of night there’s not much more productive stuff I can do.  I sort of peter off.  And if I push it I end up writing voluminous emails to exlovers about the past and feelings.  Ugh!  That’s not good for anybody!

Little Mister has become some kind of super pup since his teeth got fixed.  He was running around earlier like he was on amphetamines, carrying Hermione’s Yak Of Power in his mouth and tossing it around, daring Hermione to chase him and get it back.  He was so cute, and it made me laugh and laugh.  Aw!  My little boy!  I’m so glad he’s so happy.  He is REALLY happy.  Adorable boy.

I’m super tired.  It’s after midnight and I should probably go to bed.  I had a weird dream last night about this woman and man who were on fire and coming towards me, walking like it was normal for them to be on fire.  It felt like an omen or something, like it MEANT something.  I don’t know what.  It wasn’t scary though, not as scary as that black horse chasing me that I knew was God, that was a sort of unsettling dream.

I’ve been having super weird drinking urges these days, which makes me think I should get my ass back to Concurrent Disorders group.  Also this evening I started getting a headache.  Just this weird frontal lobe headache, which is WEIRD for me because I rarely ever get headaches.  I think I’m gonna take a break from looking at a screen tomorrow and try to read these books I got for research purposes.

Hi people.  This is my new website, it’s like a baby so it’s gonna fall on it’s face a lot in these early days.  But don’t worry, soon it will be running full force looking for trouble!

Here’s me in space in the meantime!

So yeah, this is mainly gonna be an artist website, I am a filmmaker and performance artist, and sometimes I draw things.

I’ve got a new project coming up, it’s pretty exciting and should be featured here starting in September of 2014, so be on the lookout for that!

I have a blog, I’m gonna try and figure out how to get it to show up here, but bear with me since it is a blogger blog and this page is a WordPress thingy.  I’m not sure how compatible the two are.

My blog is called Fit Of Pique and it has been running since 2004!