Not that I plan to be dead anytime soon. For god’s sakes, I just spent a fair chunk of change on a new microphone and some more batteries for my video camera. But there are all kinds of things you can plan to do with your corpse after you have shuffled off this mortal coil.

You could get it sent into space for example, for a small fee.

You could have your bones compressed into a diamond.

You could donate your body to the body farm and let scientists measure how you naturally decompose.

You could donate your body to Gunther Von Hagen’s for plasticination and end up being viewed in shows around the world.

Or you could donate your body to science. Which is kind of scary. I mean, who knows what people will do with you.

I’ve weighed all the options, and since burial kinda disturbs me, I’m going with cremation. I wouldn’t want to be a diamond and get lost somewhere along the way. And I definitely would not want to float around for eternity in space.

Did you know they still embalm you for cremation? Kinda weird. Embalming is really bad for the environment. a totally green funeral would be cool, but I’ve never researched it.

I’m not really this morbid, I don’t know why I know so many things you can do with your dead body.

I hope people don’t think I’m standoffish, I’m just horribly shy.

It’s a curse. People say kids grow out of shyness, but no, they just grow into adults with different kinds of shyness. My main shyness is terribly cute girls. They can make me turn beet red. I hope I’m not allergic!

I don’t know why I’m so shy around girls. I think it’s a lack of self esteem. I have to rely on my personality here, where as in Vancouver I coasted by on video art fame.

Speaking of videos, my distributor V Tape in Toronto is getting my two new tapes, the revamped Madness In Four Actions, and the humourous and sexy short, You Are A Lesbian Vampire. So festival world, OH PLEEZE invite me to a festival somewhere semi glamourous! I will be oh so grateful to have the chance to travel again.

I’m also realizing I’m missing Vancouver. Not in a way of wanting to move there, but just wanting to visit, to see my old haunts, to visit friends and ex lovers, to go to the nudie beach and look for seals and smoke some reefer. Just a nice BC trip. So I can’t afford it this year, but next year I’m either going to get a show in Vancouver or I’m going to scrape up enough for a proper visit. It is beautiful, and I have some really close friends out there.

My oldest friend, as in the one I’ve been friends with the longest, Laurel, has known me since we were two. I try to keep friends, I do have falling outs, but I can be voted most likely to patch it up and move on. Although I have born grudges for longer than I should. I think I’m over that now.

I’ve grown up a lot since I first moved back to Saskatoon. It’s amazing what being thirty will do for you, it puts everything into perspective. I used to be so gung ho about my career. Then I got diagnosed bipolar and getting recovered took a lot out of me. Now I think I’m really ready to work on my career more. I really am totally career driven, I always have been. That was my zen centre, making videos! The writing, the shooting, the editing, and all those lovely festivals. I need to incorporate it into my life more, and having this camera and computer system is just the ticket. I love being able to shoot when ever I want. and edit whenever I want. It’s amazing that our world has made this possible, for the average person to have their own mini production suite.

And it’s more reliable to have your own camera, you’re not dependent on rental cameras which get beat up fast no matter how careful people are. I had my own camera when I was seventeen. It was my birthday present. It was just a consumer hi 8 camera, with no white balance, but I made like, five videos on that thing. Maybe more!

And this one is my baby. Next to my apartment it’s my favorite thing I’ve gotten this year. The camera I mean. I love having shit.

It would be cool if I got a girlfriend this year, but I have to overcome my horrible shyness. It’s no fun. Bleh.

I get so squirrelly when I see someone cute. dammit!

My cousin Steven got a girlfriend last year after a really long period of no girlfriend. I’m happy for him, he seems happy. He’s turning out nice, I hope.

Anyway, that song up there is Ghosts by Ladytron. and it’s dedicated to all the cute girls I miss out on by being shy.

Well my Grampa’s haplogroup is STILL unknown, but my Gramma turned out to be an H. Not surprising since half the women in Europe are H’s. What is interesting though is that we are ALL, every single human on the planet, descended from one woman in Africa dubbed the mitochondrial Eve. There isn’t one man we’re descended from, but one woman in everyone’s maternal lineage. Pretty cool.

I just finished my vampire video, You Are A Lesbian Vampire. I WAS going to output and stuff tonight, but I left all my new tapes at Mom’s house. SO MAYBE TOMORROW> fucking keyboard!

Tomorrow is house cleaning day, which will be nice I guess, because the house sure needs it. fer sure.

We’re getting ready for the first big shoot week, which is coming up in less than a fortnight. We’re travelling around Grampa’s homelands here in Canada and America. It will be a nice road trip.

I finally got a firewire and have been busy outputting shot video onto my computer. It’s been a lot of fun! I’m editing my lesbian vampire video as we speak, type, whatever. It’s a voiceover with a heartbeat and then some hot shots of two girls kissing. But I need to throw in a couple more video bits to it, girls kissing cannot carry it all alone, sadly.

I’m trying to give up smoking, but I smoked for pride. I should get back on the patch soon.

I didn’t meet any single girls this pride, though I did meet a lesbian I used to go to high school with. I didn’t know she was a lesbo then.

Pride was nice, we went to the parade and it didn’t rain on us. Mom got me a gay sticker for my bike. We had a hot dog.

Then I partied all night, and now I am still up, musing on my day.

I realy do love making video and shooting and editing it. Its like my favorite thing, even more than drugs!

LOL.

I can’t really write this morning, I just felt bad for not giving my blog a newer post.

I smell something floral.

We waited in line at Divas for 35 minutes before giving up. Ugh! They were full and only taking members first. So we came back here for the rest of our fun.

I love Pride, and there were some very sexy girls there.

But even more than Pride, I love my new firewire cable.

I’ve been in two psych wards, one in Montreal and one in Saskatoon. The first time in the hospital I got really fucked up over it. THE LAST TIME WASN”T BAD>

I actually had a really good time in the hospital the last time I was there. I mean ya it was boring and all, but they spoke english! And I made some good friends. I actually ran into a guy last night who remembers me from the hospital. It was a positive experience, and they were so concerned about what my follow though care would be afterwards. It wasn’t like the first time, getting shoved out with an official designation as crazy.

At least crazy isn’t a full time thing though.

Last night I got ripped on drugs, I am STILL up, and I had the best talk with my straight friend Preston about sucking tit and eating pussy.

I’m chewing gum. I’m wide awake and I wish I could go to sleep.

But really, now I know that my first experience in the bin was an anomaly. Montreal wards suck major ass, somethings wrong with that city as far as their mental health care system.

We all went to the Yard to celebrate Deanna’s birthday. Then we went to Lydias, and then a bunch of us came to my house and stayed up all night. They’ve all crashed now And I am still awake! i now I’ll crash soon though/ But what a fun night!

I’ve made a new vow to only do pot on special occassions. Like once or twice a month. I’m quitting everyday pot use. I really think it will improve my creativity to cut back that much.

LIFE IS QUIET i’m really missing going to festivals though, which means I have to get my videos out there again. I’m not going to bother fixing my stupid keyboard’s antics this post.

So enough sitting around on my ass. I have to get a camera with firewire and then output my very late video.

It’s kind of a strange video because it was made for installations.

I also have to get my priorities fixed this summer while I work on my new video. I’m thinking of it as a road movie I guess. I really need to be giving it more thought and attention.

I’ve been considering quitting pot. Altogether or cutting back. I’m not sure which yet, but I’m thinking it’s been a waste of time lately. I need to get more creative, and it’s not helping my creativity anymore. Probably never did really.

I’m also trying to shoot my new video You Are A Lesbian Vampire. I’m going to make it really short. Probably about two minutes. I want it to be really sexy and funny. Carrie Gates has already agreed to be the vampire, so it should be fun. I just need a victim-girlfriend now. And I already have someone in mind. Yay for victim girlfriends! LOL! I shouldn’t say such things as a feminist. More LOL.

Where am I? Oh yeah, so I’m planning two road trips in North America and Scotland. And doing a shoot sometime soon. Maybe this week. It depends if I can recharge my phone enough to get a hold of Carrie for scheduling. I’ve realized I really need to refocus on my career. I was getting somewhere for a while there. I need to get it back on track man. I miss hitting the festival circut. That was always fun.

Anyway, I’m 30 now and that means I’m ready for big changes. I want to keep control over my bipolar disorder. The meds I am on are really great right now. I’m pretty happy. Not manic happy, but content with life. I’m discontent actually, which is why I need the big changes. I dunno. I’m quitting smoking, which is going okay, despite slips. I’m on the patch and sticking with it.

I need to clean more, is one issue I could deal with I guess.

I really need to consider this road movie aspect of my project. I need to get a better handle on it. I’m thinking of using a heartbeat for my vampire project, just this quiet heartbeat on the whole soundtrack. I’m currently making my summer music playlist for my ipod.

My cat just pooped in a box, and it smells! Schrodinger, you’re such a bad kitty!

My tattoo got finished a couple of days ago. Wow, right now my animals are all supremely calm. I don’t want to disturb it. They are sacked out. I wonder what they do when I am not here. Anyway, getting it finished, the tattoo I mean, wasn’t too bad. I don’t particularly enjoy getting tattooed, but the end results always seem to be worth it. I like having a nice piece of art adorn my body. Anyway, here is the end result.

Hey hey hey! I’m in the Spring issue of SPIRIT right now with my short story Horsie. Be sure to check it out on the newsstands, it is full of sexy NDNs getting it on. Also you can see my video Helpless Maiden Makes an “I” Statement at non-compliance.ca.

Be sure to check it out!

I’m getting high on two very intense pot brownies that my cuz No Ass D and I made together. We’re watching V for Vendetta and acting silly, but her favorite scene is on so I thought I would blog.

I got fifty bucks and a lucky bamboo and a swimming suit for my 30th birthday. The Bamboo is really cute, and I have underwear made out of bamboo, so it matches.

Why am I blogging in this condition? Good question mon ami.

Well, sometimes it amuses me. And really the number one reason I blog is because it amuses me. I’ve done it for so long now, well over ten years. And I wish I still had some of my early stuff. Oh well.

They are intently watching V pour Vendetta again. Blood everywhere, groddy!

Bollocks.

I like saying that, I ought to say that more often.
anyway, back to entertaining the guests. Tomorrow morning we are having toad in the hole for brekky.

Yours truly may be hosting a show on CFCR starting sometime in the not too distant future. Rainbow Radio is looking for hosts, and I’m itching to do something in the community. It’s a GLBT show every Sunday night. I used to volunteer at a show called Women Visions in Vancouver at their co-op radio station. I’ve been wanting to do something at CFCR for a while now, and so this is right up my alley. And I really like working the switches and stuff at radio stations. That’s super fun. I love techy stuff of all nature, because I’m a geek.

I’m also thinking of doing volunteer work for Pride, and maybe finding a group of like minded people to run play parties, AND I still want to start up a film festival. And there was something else I was thinking of doing. I’m a busy tomboy. I still want to volunteer at Hantleman. Someone told me not to, but I liked spending time with the volunteer I saw. And I know crazy people inside and out. I’ve been around enough of them, that’s for sure, in all states of craziness.

I’m feeling pretty good these days, surprisingly. I guess my life is going better than I’d hoped. I still want to make my feature though. I did network with a producer on Facebook, I’m thinking of asking her advice on where I go next with my screenplay, as in who’s looking to produce a feature.

Networking’s the most important part of being a filmmaker, but sometimes I’m just so damned shy about it. I don’t put myself out there as much as some filmmakers. I don’t self promote as much as I should. It’s a problem. Which is why maybe getting out in the community will be good for me.

Oh, I’m also going to try to start writing for the local alternative biweekly Planet S. I’ve been wanting to write for them for a while now, and I think it would be a lot of fun. So eee!

Hey, apparently my work is now showing at the National Gallery in Ottawa. Pretty cool hey?