Final reports, so simple, yet the bane of my existence.  If you have ever gotten a grant from your federal or provincial funding agency, at some point you have to write a final report so you can apply for another grant.  A final report just goes over what you did with the money and how it impacted your career and what art you made (unless it was a travel grant in which case you say what screening you went to of which film and stuff).  I don’t have problems with most of it, the tricky part is the budget, when you say what you did with the money and how much you spent on what.  Because you have already submitted that when you applied for the grant, and now you have to say the same thing over again.

Anyway, I am looking for my budgeted expenses for Boi Oh Boi which was made with an SAB grant, and I cannot find it.  Not in my email, not in my computer, not in my USB stick Marvin (which I had to use disk utility to repair), and not on Mom’s computer.  This means one of two things.  One is that it is on my OLD computer with the broken finder which doesn’t bring up things by name like it’s supposed to.  OR I wrote it down into the paper copy of the grant and now it only exists at the SAB office.  Which is sadly the most likely option.  I have a really bad habit of doing that. 

So I guess I have to make up a budget that is approximate to what I applied for.  OMG!  I forgot to budget for living expenses!  THAT’s where my money went!  Jesus christ!  I can’t believe I forgot about it! If I had my budget I would see that right away!  Pfft!  Okay, I think I’m gonna be fine. 

I have to confess writing about struggles with final reports kind of bored me and in my distraction I ended up doing some minimal editing on Just Dandy, which I haven’t had time to sit down and really chop away at.  I have had time, but people keep wanting attention.  I need to be a more strict and mean artist and say “Go away I am working!”  Instead people ask me to give them rides or visit or stuff.  Sigh!  And then Mom will go to the grocery store and I will want to ride in the car.  Easily distracted.  I need to be more dedicated to honing my craft and my artworks.  Maybe I should get really crazy one night and drink two litres of coke and edit all night, like I used to do in film school.  Actually that’s a lie, the school closed at 3am.  And I couldn’t go back until 7am.  But believe me, I was there when it closed and I was there when it opened.  And slowly going crazy at the same time.  Hypomania multitasker.

I’m kind of sleepy now, I don’t think there’s going to be a crazy night of editing.

I had an interview today!  I think it went really well.  I have high hopes.  I will hear on Monday if I get the residency.  He said it doesn’t pay well because it’s a mentorship opportunity, but he said it pays enough to survive.  I hope I get more than I am making now!

What else?  Making a video.  Writing a report about the last video I made.  Also another report about going to Tribeca Film Festival.  Then when those are done and mailed off, I have to write possibly three grants, one of which will be a travel grant, for two funding bodies, about two projects and one presentation coming up.  It’s gonna be insane.  I’m gonna be so busy!  I need to get my shit together fast, Oct 1st is the deadline for the grants, the travel grant I have to do right away.  Ahhhhh!  Here’s me going “Ahhhhhh!” and waving back and forth with a swirly behind me sucking me into a vortex of art hell. 

I need money.  I hope I get money soon.  I need fall shoes and a haircut and Little Mister needs his quarterly shave.  And I owe Mom money from the car accident and Little Mister’s vet visit. 

Blah.  I have been dreaming about someone and it’s really goofy.  I’m trying to ignore it.  I had a dream I had to choose between a hysterectomy or death, so I chose death and the doctor gave me a pill I was supposed to take on a specific day so I would die, and I was preparing for it and getting my affairs in order and then I realized my ex would cry for me because we had a thwarted kind of love and now nothing would ever happen and so I changed my mind and got a hysterectomy instead.  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT??????  She doesn’t care, she wouldn’t cry if I died, and she was the one who thwarted our love in the first place so it doesn’t matter.  I think she is just this convienient stand in for anyone I’ve loved.  It is so ridiculous. 

About the hysterectomy, I am worried I will have to have one.  I have terrible fibroids and it causes massive bleeding and I didn’t like the birth control so my next option is an ablation but I’m concerned in the end I will need a hysterectomy anyway.  And I’ve heard rumours that orgasms aren’t as great when you have no uterus.  Which concerns me.  I am very pro orgasm you know!

I got a call today.  It was to set up an interview for tomorrow for that job I want as an artist in residence!  I’m so excited!  It’s such a different type of job that I’m really not sure how to prepare for it.  I am going to aim for clean and beautiful with nice clothes.  It’s at 1:30 tomorrow afternoon.  I have to get up early and eat something so I don’t faint from hunger.  I have to wash my face and brush and floss my teeth and get my hair looking decent.  I had a shower tonight so I will probably be okay for tomorrow.  I haven’t had a job interview since the SaskEnergy interview this last winter.  It will be good for me.

Plus this job/residence would be good for me because I will get mentored in directing and stuff.  It will help me grow as a professional and give me some learnings I can apply in my career as a budding director.  Maybe people will be more inclined to give me chances to direct actors in my films.  That is the direction I want to go in, which would be super sweet.

So that’s what’s going on!

My Auntie Beth is in town and we are hanging out.  It’s really nice, I like having conversations with her because she is a writer and you can tell in how she tells stories from her day or her past or things she has heard. 

I saw my grandparents today.  We brought them cheezies and chocolate and tiny bottles of water and stuff, Grandma said “I love you!” when she saw them.  It was cute.  I’m lucky to have my grandparents in my life.  They have been very involved in my life since I was tiny. 

What else?  I dunno.  I saw another cousin today.  That was nice.  I played with the dogs like I do every day.  Oh!  I talked to one of my best friends, Robin, today!  We had a really good conversation, talked about stuff I don’t write about here.  Good and bad.  I am hoping our paths cross real soon, I have missed that girl!  I met her in 2002 and got a giant crush on her and since then it has evolved in true lesbian fashion into this friendly close friendship.  The kind of friendship where you tell each other you love each other.  I have only had that type of friend a few times, but it always means a lot.  Margaret and I say that to each other too, but I haven’t talked to her in a while.  I should, I miss that girl too! She has a mini me now, a little boy who’s as much of a weirdo as she is.  She’s so lucky! 

I could go on and on about friends I love who live far away!  I have a number of them! 

Dora is getting better every day!  Today she wasn’t so nippy.  And tomorrow she will be even less nippy.  She’s starting to stop trying to eat my fingers when I type in bed, which is nice. 

Little Mister is a lesbian’s dog who doesn’t like men!

I’m really just writing here to get everything out so I can calm down and go to sleep and get up early tomorrow.  It’s all exciting! 😀 

I’m projecting onto one of my exes and it’s really bad.  I can’t possibly know what is going on in her head but I am making up all this stuff based on goofy signs and I have to just let it go and move on without fretting.  I guess part of me still wants to be good friends with her, but I have a feeling she currently has issues with me and that’s what I’m projecting because she might just be having a crappy time independent of me. 

And I might like someone new, but I am not sure, and I am still cultivating the art of doing nothing so I am just getting to know people without expectations.  But it’s a nice feeling, to have one’s interest piqued.  It helps you feel alive.

For the second year in a row I have seen more meteors than my Mum!  I just beat her by one meteor though, 7-6.  We sat for an hour under the stars on our deck, and ate popcorn and I drank a pop and she had a beer and we chatted about space and girls and all kinds of things.  It was really nice.  The dogs had fun out there too, Mister went mouse hunting but then came back to sit on my lap for a while.  They also had popcorn.  We saw a big light in the sky and were hoping it was the International Space Station, but it turned out to be a plane.  Disappointing! 

I like watching the meteor shower with Mom.  It’s so relaxing.  There are lots of little things moving through the sky, all kinds of satellites zipping by in all directions. 

Today we finally cleaned out my old office.  I now have my bookshelf and all my books moved upstairs into my room.  I think once I get them put away my room might finally be complete.  I haven’t been much of a reader the past year or so.  I think it’s because my books aren’t handy, or weren’t handy. 

Mom and I talked about my career.  She was asking what the psychic said about it, and I told her she had said I needed to let go of thinking I couldn’t make a film without paying actors, because it’s alright to give them some footage of themselves working as payment.  It’s true, I feel like actors should be paid, but at the same time no one wants to give me funding so I can pay them.  So basically I am gonna have to find volunteer actors.  And it’s been a stumbling block.  She also told me I would live a comfortable life, but I really hope that doesn’t mean I’m going to live with Mom forever!

I told Mom that outer space smells like seared steak!  That’s what I read somewhere, bizarre!

I got an email a while ago that I am going to be called in for a job interview.  I am waiting, I heard the person who emailed me went on vacation last week though, which was the first week after the closing date for the job.  So hopefully this week I hear?  I hope so!

We got some disturbing news about our neighbors.  I can’t even talk about it, but it’s disturbing.  It’s made me a bit creeped out.  Someone has to report them, so that’s happening tomorrow.  They’ve always given me a bad vibe, there is something up with them.

I’m tired.  I should go to sleep.  Dora is not allowed on my bed tonight because she was being a brat, so she went somewhere else to sleep.  Little Mister brought me a bird today.  I threw it away, we don’t know if he killed it or found it but I think he found it.  It was little and had greenish feathers. 

What else?  Oh I don’t know.  I was busy today.  It was sort of nice to be busy, and to visit my cousin who I haven’t seen in a while.  Sometimes cleaning feels good.  It’s nice to look at something and see it progress.

I made jam the other day!  It was such an involved process, but in the end I think it turned out well!  The jam itself tastes super good, just like Grandma’s, which isn’t entirely surprising considering I was using the same CERTO recipe she used to use.  I think I am gonna make more!  The only thing I did wrong was I didn’t fill up the jars as much as I should have, but I am giving a lot of it away so hopefully they will start eating it soon anyway.

I had a dream last night that my ex whatever and I were back in high school, only the high school was an English Rider Immersion Program and we all wore jodhpurs and those helmets and boots and jackets and carried riding crops.  Now that I think more carefully on it it was kind of a sexy dream, except there was no kissing or anything.  And then we both went to the carnival!  Which was sweet.  I haven’t been in years and I don’t think I am going this year either.  I had a candy apple at the Powwow yesterday, I think that’s as good as I’m gonna get!

I have to do some paperwork for arty reasons, and start working on a couple of grants.  It’s a pain, but also a good exercise for clarifying artistic visions.  I have until October 1 to get my grants done.  And my final reports.  It’s time!

I am working hard on doing nothing, I mean, in a sense of my romantic life.  In other parts of my life I am quite busy, but I am trying not to act desperate or make grand gestures to women.  So far, it’s going alright.  I think I am feeling a little more confident by not doing anything, oddly enough.  I don’t know what that’s about.  I’m not feeling so lonely, even though I’m not really dating anyone or anything.  I guess because there is no pressure on me to find someone, it’s given me some space to just think.  Maybe this time someone will make the moves on ME!  Even my ongoing unrequited love has kind of faded into this calm background noise.

I have discovered that there are three women I am still in love with and have realized I will always love them.  My ex Ivana, my ex Amber Dawn, and my ex Rheanne.  And I think maybe it’s okay that I will always love those three women.  They played a significant role in my life at various points.  I know Ivana and Amber Dawn were my most serious relationships, so it makes sense that I would love them still.  And I lost my virginity to Rheanne and she was my first love, so that makes sense too.  And just because I love them doesn’t mean I think they were perfect for me.  Our relationships had a lot of flaws.  But that’s okay.  Because people are naturally flawed.  I don’t think it even matters if they love me back or not.  It would be nice, but it’s not necessary.  I can still have a full feeling even with it not being returned.  And maybe it’s just a good thing to accept that those three women made a mark in my heart. 

So that is what I have learned so far in doing nothing in my romantic life.  Making peace with the past is good for me anyway. 

And now I am tired.  I should go to sleep, dream of jodhpurs again!

I’ve totally been listening to this song over and over!  It’s so catchy! 

I’m doing well.  I had a good day yesterday, went for frozen yogurt with this new friend.  We had good conversation, which felt nice.  I could hang out with her again.

Oh man!  Dora is barking at me over and over right now!  She has such a high pitched bark!

I had a dream I was giving birth!  And I had planned to give this baby away but then I suddenly started thinking about keeping it.  It was so weird.  And then not to be outdone by me, my best friend went into labour too! The last thing I remember is saying to her “Maybe our babies will be best friends!”

I’m going to be making jam tomorrow.  JAM! 😀  My favorite thing my Grandma used to cook when I was a kid was Strawberry Jam.  It was so freaking good and way better than store bought jam.  She would make bannock for us to eat it off of and we would just sit there eating all this jam and bannock.  I miss that.  So I am trying it.  I have nearly perfected pies, now I just have to do more!  My favorite things!

I remember when I first quit drinking and drugging, I thought life without all that was pretty boring.  But since then I have realized it is the opposite, drinking and drugging were boring and making me a dull person, and since then I have discovered a lot of fun and interesting things in life.  I feel like I have a fuller life now.  It’s good. 

This dog is trying to eat my fingers and I am tired, so it’s time for bed!

A lot can happen in a day!

Someone replied to the ad I placed in “Long Lost Relationships” looking for my long lost ex lover and gave me the name of someone who I then messaged who gave me my long lost ex’s name, which she had changed two times since I knew her.  As it happened the last time she changed her last name was when she got married to her husband and now she has children.  So that’s that!  I’m glad I know what happened to her now though, because I had been curious for so long.  And now I won’t be wondering in the back of my head.

Tonight I cleaned my room.  It looks way better.  It’s too late to wash my sheets but I think I will do that tomorrow.

Tomorrow I am finally hanging out with the woman from OKC! 🙂  I have no expectations, it would be nice to have another friend.  She seems nice, we friended each other on Facebook, so I know the kinds of things she posts sort of. 

I have to do two things this weekend.  And they both involve the postal service.  I had better get on that!  I think I have printed out my updated distribution contract four times and never bothered to go to the printer room and sign the damn thing!  Gotta get on it!  And I have to mail away a DVD!

Tuesday I am hoping to get a call about setting up a job interview.  So that will be nice.

What else?  Aw, not much.  I had a dream last night that I had a girlfriend, and it wasn’t one of my exes.  So I guess that means I am going to move forward with someone new eventually.  I was having a bunch of dreams about one ex for the last month, just make out dreams.  And I think it was just loneliness.

I’m really tired.  We watched Indiana Jones for like, three hours!  I’m exhausted.  And I have to be up by noon, so I should get to sleep!  Gonna cuddle my pup! 3>

Don’t worry, I don’t mean the end of me, or this blog, or whatever terrible thing that my title might suggest.  I mean The End of the Steven Era! 😀  Tomorrow is the end of the month and Steven’s official moving day.  He doesn’t seem to actually have a place to move to, but either way he isn’t going to be living here anymore.  I don’t know if he is going to be living under a bridge or what.  I suspect he’s going to find a woman with low self esteem who will let him move in with her though.  But I really don’t know, he might move in with his fellow hobo friend M who has also been a homeless drunk.  I guess we will see.  It really doesn’t matter to me, I’m just relieved that three months shy of two years he is out of our house and we won’t have to deal with all the fucked up shit he does.

I guess I mentioned all the things that pissed me off about living with him, so if you have been a faithful reader I don’t have to detail it all again.  I noticed he wasn’t very clever, he had a lot of life skills he was really shitty at, like not being able to cover food when he put it in the fridge, or deciding that he was a good cook, which he wasn’t, and making food inedible.  Or when he used to play music really loud in the middle of the night and not give a shit about who he kept up.  Or getting drunk and making this unholy noise that was meant to be singing but just sounded like something dying.  Anyway, eeesh!  He’s forty years old.  But he is really more of a teenager.  And the whole alcoholic thing too was awful, like when I would try to visit my other cousins and he would get in our face and be irritating and think he was being funny and really he was just being a douchebag. 

BUT it’s over!  It’s done!  I can go back to having a healthy home life.  I don’t even know what that looks like anymore.  I can’t believe I managed to get sober in this house with these conditions!  I remember one time he got really insistent that I drink this coke he had.  Now that I think of it, he probably spiked it with rum.  I was sober at the time and I didn’t drink it, because I was suspicious, and for good reason.  It seems like the kind of thing he would do too, sabotage someone’s sobriety.  And there were some other things that I didn’t even tell Mom that he did or said to people while he lived here which creeped people out.  I was so stressed out living with him.  I was gonna move for August 1st if he didn’t leave.  I was ready to jump ship, it was a shitty living situation.  Even my psych nurse was rooting for me to leave.  But then he got evicted.

Anyway, WHAT ELSE?  Actually life has been pretty good.  I am hoping on Friday or next Monday to get a call setting up a job interview.  Dora the corgi has slowed down on her nippy aggression.  She’s getting gentler, it is taking a long time but she is making progress, so I am happy.  I’ve been spending time with these friends who are kind of crazy drinkers.  I think I need to spend less time with them at night when they drink.  I always regret hanging out with drinkers, the dramatic ones can really wear on you.  Which is too bad because when they are sober they are fun.  It’s just I am really bad at wrangling drunks because I get irritated.

I think I need to make more sober friends, but I am not really a 12 stepper.  My concurrent disorders group is nice.  I don’t know if I could make friends there, they don’t really go for coffee after.  I maybe want to hang out with people who don’t have addictions issues and are sober though.  Like, they just don’t like booze and drugs or something.  I dunno.  Something!

I put an ad in Kijiji looking for an ex lover from like, 2000 or something.  I haven’t heard anything.  She wasn’t sober at the time, but she was a lot of fun and sweet.  I wonder if I will ever find her?

I am trying to be open to love.  I did a tarot reading about my love life and it gave me the best possible advice.  It said I shouldn’t do anything.  I should just let things be and if something is going to happen it will happen at the right time and with the right person.  I shouldn’t go looking.  I shouldn’t go begging ex lovers for another chance.  I should just exist and be happy with myself.  So I guess that is what I am trying to do.  Nothing!  It’s simple and yet almost difficult.  I’m an expert at making these grand gestures of love towards indifferent women, and it’s such a bad habit and I really have to knock it off.  So maybe doing nothing will be good for me.  Maybe someone should make a grand gesture towards me for once.  Actually, if someone likes me the best way to get me is to flirt and stand back and then let me make the moves.  But like, a really obvious flirt.  And then giving me time to ponder.  I’m easily scared off by someone who seems too into me.  It has to be just right.  I’m weird that way I guess.

I haven’t found myself kissing someone in a long time.  I think because I don’t drink anymore.  Drinking is such a social lubricant, in this terrible way.  I don’t even know how to make out with someone for the first time without being drunk.  I haven’t done it sober in ages.  When I lost my virginity I was sober.  But that’s like, 18 years ago!  I must have been intimate and sober some other time.  I think I was sober when Amber Dawn and I first got together.  That was a big night, it wasn’t that long ago.  Or was it?  2000?  I guess that’s 13 years ago.  I don’t remember drinking a beer when we had our first date, but I don’t think I would remember either.  I know we had sober morning sex a few times at least, but that wasn’t the first time with each other.

Maybe this is why doing nothing is a good tactic for my love life.  It will be a surprise whenever whatever happens.  And I won’t seem desperate.  I hate seeming desperate, it makes me feel like a loser. 

I’ve been doing pretty good these days.  Some things are happening in my life.  I have a job interview coming up at the beginning of August.  It’s for a residency type position where I would be an emerging director in the theatre.  I don’t want to say too much about it until the closing date for applications passes.  Except I am pretty stoked about it and hopefully it will really improve my life and give me a new purpose and expand my skill set for when I go on to direct feature films and such.

Tomorrow I am going for coffee and a walk with this cute girl I mentioned three entries ago from OKC.  That should be fun.  I’m not viewing it so much as a date as more of a hang out with the potential to become friends.  BUT if sparks happen I am open to it!  I just don’t want to put pressure on the situation.  She is pretty cute though.

Speaking of cute girls, I ran into someone I have mentioned here who I have an extensive history with and for lack of a better word I refer to as an ex.  An ex whatever.  Whatever we were doing that ended up breaking my heart.  It was a good encounter.  We made idle chit chat and she laughed at a silly thing I said and in the end she let me hug her, which was really nice.  We haven’t seen each other since 2007.  I was going crazy wondering why we had never run into each other when we lived in the same city this whole time, but finally finally we saw each other.  I think it was positive.  Even though she will never love me.

I sometimes feel dumb for still loving someone who doesn’t love me and never will.  I guess that’s the thing about love though, feeling it for someone isn’t a guarantee they will feel it back.  And even though I think I am pretty loveable, she doesn’t see it.  Which is too bad for her I guess.

I am kinda sleepy.  It’s late, and I need to get to sleep earlier.  I have to stop falling in love with people who aren’t interested in me!  And Emma still doesn’t want to be friendly friends with me since I confessed love to her last summer.  I’m still on restricted profile.  I have a terrible feeling she is waiting until I have a real relationship with someone else before she lets me interact with her again, and I have an even worse fear that I’m gonna be single for ages longer and still cut off from friendship with Emma!  OH MANS!  She was my sober pal.  I really miss that.

Steven has been out of the house for the last two nights, tonight is the third night he has been gone and we have no clue where he is.  I kind of wonder at what point we should put up posters or whatever.  BUT he is leaving on Thursday for good, and we are renting that suite out for September 1st.  So it’s been almost like he is already gone, nice and relaxed and happy.  Even Little Mister has calmed down.  He hated Steven.  Still, where the hell is Steven?  Oh well.

What else?  Oh hell, I don’t know!  My piercing is healing well, crusty but good.  I did weight lifting with Laurel this past week and my body ACHED!  But it was good, and I think I am gonna do it again.  She left the next day for Manitoba, so I was without my workout pal.  But she comes home on Monday and then I think we are back to the gym!  I really do want those toned arms.  I guess I could lose ten pounds.  My weight had been going down for a while and then I quit the gym and started baking pies and I gained a bunch of weight.  It’s awkward, because I am fat positive.  But also, I don’t like always having to buy new clothes.  So there’s that.

I do miss her, the Ex.  I mean, even just as a friend that I could hang out with, I miss her that way.  But somehow I kind of think I would always lean towards romantic feelings towards her.  She did get my virginity, that’s kind of a big deal.  They say you always love your first love.  Too bad I wasn’t her first love too, then she would always love me instead of never loving me. 

So I am just going to for now ignore most of what happened yesterday which was messy and ugly, and try to explain what happened without pissing off my mom again.  ANYWAY, she told me I was evicted, we had a big row, it was awful, I cried myself to sleep and spent five hours looking for jobs and places to live, and then this morning she apologized for swearing at me BUT not for the fight, but she explained it was the other roommate that was really stressing her out and she said I could stay if I wanted to.

So I felt a bit better, then she read the blog I had written and got mad again, and then I erased it to salvage our relationship, and then she just muttered that I was a minor jerk when we went to see Grandma and Grandpa.  And I did the dishes I was supposed to finish and cleaned the bathroom and got rid of the smell in my room and we went out to the movies and for dinner and things seem to be much better.

I did get a response about a place to live, but she hasn’t sent me any pictures like she said she would so I am not sure if it is still a possibility or not.  For now I am just leaving it.  I have given up looking for a place to live and I am going to focus on waiting out these last ten days with the bad roommate and hope that our lives improve when he is gone.

So that’s that.

Tomorrow I am beginning my fitness routine again.  I had been thinking about it for a while, and I read that the first two weeks after getting an Industrial you SHOULDN’T work out, so today was two weeks since it has been pierced.  So I’m ready tomorrow.  I found my lock for the lockers and I have gym shoes and a headband for head sweat.  I don’t have a gym bag.  I might appropriate one of mom’s.  I am going to do something different this time, I am going to do some strength training.  I want muscly arms.  The kinds that fill out a t shirt nicely.  I read this total butch porn about the glory of white t shirts today, they were talking about men wearing them but butch women look pretty awesome in them too.  I think they just accentuate masculinity in this nice working class way. Anyway, I need some popeye arms that make women shiver when they imagine getting fisted by me!  LOL!  That’s kind of overkill actually.  Even Madonna arms are overkill.  I just want a little definition and the ability to carry sleepy tired puppies for a couple of blocks if need be.

We took Dora, the new corgi, to the Vet last week and I had to carry her part of the way back because she got tired and just wanted to lay down.  I guess the shots she got were supposed to make her tired.  But I had a hard time carrying her two blocks.  4.5 kg isn’t a lot, but my arms were weak.

My ear feels weird.  Like crusty.  Which is normal.  It’s got lymph on it because it’s healing.  And will be for the next six months to a year.  I’m excited for when it is done healing.  This time I think it will work, it’s been remarkably good since I got it and not very painful at all, not compared to what I remember anyway.  I might even get more cartilage piercings in the other ear next year.  Different ones, but in the upper ear too.  We will see.

Okay, I have to get up at 10 tomorrow morning for this exercise, so I should go.  I just wanted to update y’all on the situation.  Nothing to worry about here.

So I wrote this long thing about a fight I had yesterday with my Mom and then she got upset about it so I have deleted it.  But I still feel like I should explain what happened, so I am going to try and think of a way to describe current events without talking about my mom.  Anyway, maybe I will just say she evicted me and then changed her mind.  And I might have a new place to live but I also might stay.  So that is going on.